


the perfect pour

by flurries



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22906630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flurries/pseuds/flurries
Summary: kim jongin is dry wine to do kyungsoo's bitter dreams.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 79
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

~~~

Kim Jongin—dashing bachelor—was dry wine to Kyungsoo’s bitter dreams.

However sweet his kisses were or crisp his promises sound, he remained dry, though full-bodied like a 1996 Domaine Leroy Richebourg Grand Cru, fresh from the Cote de Nuits in France. He was, as any collector can describe the said bottle, expensive, and a must-have. Everybody wants a taste, everybody just needs to take a sip and experience what it’s like to live in the luxury of his wealth and power. But Kyungsoo knew more than his money and had a long, exhausting taste of an old family rivalry and a history of shame and regret. But what stood out with every thought of Jongin were moments of having to bask in the luxury of his touch, his affection, and an admiration though kept secret felt real and absolutely addictive. From his first sip to the last drop of it, Kyungsoo would die for a little more. Even just a tiny little whiff more.

Where Kyungsoo stood before Jongin happened was the 58th floor of an office building in the central business district of Seoul. Where the city was busy with people trying to make a living, trying to survive another scolding, another ass-kissing, and yet another second on their knees, begging for the littlest recognition anyone could ever have. He was not so different from every single one of them. He worked day and night, six to seven days a week to get to where he was. Blame it on childhood—long nights in the academy, long days in school, and even longer weekends in a study chamber. He wouldn’t ask for another take on his life. Kyungsoo would always thank his mother and her overbearingness that got him in KAIST but he would always blame her for the unhappy days and lonely nights. He never had time to be happy and, in fact, will never be able to remember when was the last time he ever truly laughed.

“There’s simply no way,” he would dismiss his co-worker Baekhyun, probably the closest friend he has ever had in his entire life—KAIST batchmate, company junior, and the one who talked more in the relationship. Baekhyun had been chattering non-stop about how Kyungsoo was a shoo-in for the big promotion next year.

“Keep up whatever it is you're doing,” Baekhyun would say since June that year, “and you will surely get the promotion next year.”

Half a year had passed and Kyungsoo had done nothing but small-scale projects. He wasn’t bad at his job. In fact, he was one of the best that was why it was easy for him to rank up to Project Manager, unlike Baekhyun who liked to slack—still that painfully adorable Designer II.

“What are you saying?” Baekhyun pressed '58' on the keypad before stepping back with Kyungsoo to make space for other people to get on the elevator. The two stood out in sweatshirts and backpacks, blueprint tubes strapped over a shoulder. Baekhyun’s hair was disheveled and it always irked Kyungsoo. He always had an urge to press the other’s hair flat to his scalp. _“If you don’t have time to comb your hair, cut it short.”_ He would always tell Baekhyun to which the other retorts, _“I don’t want to look like I’m enlisting like you. Memories of those are way behind me.”_ Kyungsoo would roll his eyes. Baekhyun never served active duty. Because of an injury in college (obtained falling while goofing around, nonetheless), Baekhyun did public service with an idol he’s now really close friends with—too close if Kyungsoo described it. He only had short hair for a short period of time. He grew it long later and it was never short since.

“The boss totally gave you the look when he was announcing the promotion period,” Baekhyun said turning his back to face the reflective metals that confined them. “ _Impress us,”_ Baekhyun imitated their boss’s voice and Korean accent. Their boss was not a native; he was from China. So the way he talked always made Baekhyun smile. He found it very adorable. _“We’re counting on you.”_ Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo with an eyebrow raised. Kyungsoo saw through his peripherals but opted to ignore.

“How about this,” Baekhyun stepped back as a few people alighted on the 27th floor at the financial firm. “Come with me to Chanyeol’s party. He’s throwing this really cool exclusive party and I heard he has really good connections in the real estate industry. That’s why he got an early reservation for the penthouse at the Oasis.”

Piquing Kyungsoo’s interest, Baekhyun smiled. He knew when Kyungsoo actually starts listening. Usually, his ear would twitch a little. It wouldn’t be too obvious if not for his heavy-rimmed glasses. “The one in UN Village? I heard only the VIPs of C&C got first access to it. Your friend is a member?”

“He’s best friends with C&C’s heir.”

“Have you been?”

“To his place? Of course! We were there just a few days back.” Baekhyun looked around and kept quiet until the elevator emptied on the 34th floor. “Chanyeol’s friends are _crazy_. I didn't know that idols have just as much as fun as other rich kids do. But, I mean, they _are_ rich kids in their own rights. New money but still _rich.”_

Kyungsoo tuned out again and waited quietly for the elevator bell to ding.

“So what do you say? I’ll ask him to put you on the list. Then, all you'll have to do is come. There’s no harm in trying. Who knows? You might actually close a deal at that party.”

Sometimes Baekhyun says the stupidest of things but most of the time, he actually made sense. Why he’d do this for Kyungsoo instead of himself was always puzzling. But with his family’s money, it wasn’t really a necessity for him to make it big in any industry at all. His name already made him Designer II. What’s a boy like him wish for? More work? No way. He’d rather finish up some plates on weekdays and party on a weekend rather than deal with stupid clients as Kyungsoo did 24/7.

Kyungsoo had been a PM for a while and the past two years had been good to him. He did make it big with some projects, not including the small developments he worked on. His boss had always praised him and the promotion will make him the youngest Junior Partner at the firm. Maybe he’d hear his father’s voice again, telling him he did well. Maybe then he’d be able to afford a nicer apartment.

Not that he lived shabbily but he lived _little_. In a 28 square-meter unit at a high-rise building, he rested his always exhausted physique. He always dreamed of a nicer kitchen or a better view, maybe one that’s facing the east too. He was not ashamed of where he lived, though. But he couldn't bring Baekhyun over because his apartment was smaller than Baekhyun's bedroom itself. While Baekhyun had a whole new apartment gifted to him by his parents for graduation; he got a few hundred thousand for his deposit and a humble sedan—still, no complaints.

Blame it on Baekhyun’s incessant bugging and reminders about the party that Kyungsoo actually remembered to dress nicely in a suit—open collar—on a Saturday night instead of staying at home in sweatpants and a t-shirt, watching Top Chef Season 16. He was surprised he even remembered to put on some perfume. He never knew how parties like those went so he just had to stalk Baekhyun's Instagram. But he only made it halfway through the feed before it prompted him to register before going any further. Well, he did learn this: they dressed like humans but partied like animals.

~~~

Not only did his sedan feel completely out of place among the sports and foreign cars, but _he_ also did too. Among the recognizable faces, he felt like a mediocre nerd trying too hard to fit in. _“What was I thinking?”_ he thought, hesitant to hand over his keys to the valet until the loudest voice stood out among the small chatters. The exclusive club’s crowd liked to talk in murmurs outside and greet with smiles and nods then there was Baekhyun and his mouth. He jumped out of his Ghibli and threw his keys at the valet who seemed to know him very well. “Kyungsoo!!!”

Kyungsoo sighed—half-embarrassed, half-relieved. Baekhyun jogged over to him and took his keys from his hands and threw it at a different valet driver. “On my tab,” he said and immediately engulfed Kyungsoo in his arms, the other unable to resist. “You actually came…”

“If you’re setting up a practical joke that I’m not on the list, I’m going straight home.”

“Why would I do that?” Baekhyun grinned and rubbed his head. “Oh, you shaved your head again.” Baekhyun pulled him in and Kyungsoo felt naked being bald all of a sudden. _How come he noticed?_ Baekhyun’s hair, though, was surprisingly tame that night, tapered and very slightly faded on the sides. His suit: crisp and expensive. His perfume: the usual English Pear & Freesia.

The music muffled as they had checked in on the list and with utmost efficiency, they were in but Kyungsoo kind of wished it took a little longer as the loud music attacked his eardrums soon as they stepped in the party. It was loud with electronic music, bright with flashing lights and lasers, with air confusing because of different fragrances and some obstructing scents from tiny little vapes and perhaps illegal substances. It was easily the worst party Kyungsoo had ever been to—not that he'd been to a lot.

“Hey!” The birthday boy, Park Chanyeol, greeted Baekhyun with a hug. They did seem close. Kyungsoo was getting pulled deeper into the crowd with every passing second that he started to lose track of where they actually were. “Finally! I thought you’d never come.” Kyungsoo was unsure if Chanyeol was shouting over the loud music or if that was his normal voice. It was very confusing to be in that space.

“It's like nine in the evening!” Baekhyun laughed, louder this time but his normal voice worked just fine with the scenario. “Oh, by the way, this is the friend I was talking about. Do Kyungsoo, Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo shook hands with Chanyeol whose hands just ate his up. They were big and he gripped really hard, making Kyungsoo grimace a little which came out as a little smile, thankfully.

“The big architecture guy,” Chanyeol smiled. “I know you! Baekhyun talks _non-stop_ about you. He said I should hire you and shit.”

“And… shit?” Perhaps Kyungsoo’s voice was so soft that he was ignored. They were pulled through the dancing crowd who all gave Chanyeol laughs and smiles, greetings here and there, and into a small room where the true party was held. There were a few people inside. They were the number of Kyungsoo's fingers. He wondered why there had to be a small room for select visitors? Why not just stay where most people are?

“Hey, Jongin,” Chanyeol called. Kyungsoo stood there by Chanyeol like a woodland creature. “How much have you drank?” Chanyeol dove at the space right by the Jongin guy. "He's been here since like five in the afternoon," he said, directed toward Baekhyun who was already settling in with the small crowd he seemed to know just as well as Chanyeol did. Their faces were familiar but he couldn't put names on their faces. “I want you to meet my friend's friend—well, he's my friend now.”

Kyungsoo walked up to them slowly and sank right into the couch between Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

“Do Kyungsoo, meet Kim Jongin. Kim Jongin, Do Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol tapped both their shoulders and gave them a light squeeze before disappearing. Somehow, the two were pushed closer to each other.

“Hi,” Jongin offered a hand-shake that Kyungsoo took. “Look, it’s a little busy in here,” Jongin leaned against him to whisper to his ear. “Let’s grab a drink at the lounge and talk business there instead.”

Jongin got up and Kyungsoo helplessly followed. He had not spoken a single word yet. Networking wasn’t really his thing and he was never prepared for social situations as such but to hell with it. The opportunity was right before him. Who was he to say no?

After blindly following Jongin through the loud noise and crazy lights yet again, Kyungsoo found peace and quiet in an empty lounge bar. Jongin got on a stool and Kyungsoo sat right next to him. With a raise of a finger, the bartender presented Jongin a bottle of wine to which he nodded. Two glasses of what appeared to be an expensive red right before the two.

“So, Kyungsoo, tell me about yourself,” Jongin sounded a little sleepy, looked like it too. A little cocky but also somewhat just relaxed—it was hard to tell. But with the way he held the glass and spun it around before taking a whiff, he just seemed overall refined.

“Well, I am sure you heard. I’m an architect. I work with Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo placed his hand flat on the bar, slipping the stem of the glass between his middle and ring fingers before giving it a quick nudge, effectively twirling its contents.

“The noisy guy,” Jongin chuckled before sipping. He wasn’t even looking at Kyungsoo but at the drink.

“Yeah, well, he can be a little loud.” Kyungsoo took the glass to his hand inhaling once as his head leaned into it. “But he’s a good friend of mine.” He took a sip just like Jongin did, only that his eyes were pinned on the other.

“Take it easy. I wasn’t attacking him.” Jongin put down his glass then looked up at Kyungsoo. “How is it?”

“It’s…” He was at a loss. He never knew how to describe wine. Sure, he liked cooking shows but they never really talked about wine there, did they? How he wished they did. “...good?”

Jongin laughed. It was a hearty one, seemed genuine. “You’re not the wine type, are you? How about bourbon?”

“Tastes good on chicken.”

 _“On chicken?”_ Jongin asked as if he heard Kyungsoo wrong. _“On? Chicken?”_

Kyungsoo nodded and took another sip from his glass. “Ask your cook for that sometime.”

“Do you cook?” Jongin had the glass in his hand again.

“As a hobby. It was my dream but my parents had better plans for me.”

Jongin gruntled after a sip. “Parents...” he sighed. “They plan our lives like they’re the ones living them.”

Kyungsoo kept quiet. It sounded bratty but there was truth and, somehow, pain to his words. His parents never really gave him the chance to try other fields. It was either engineering, architecture, law, or medicine. Among those four, he just chose that one thing with the most creativity involved. Baekhyun disagreed when he said architecture was the most creative. “Law should be the most creative. You have to make up narratives for your client.” And again, he was too smart for his own good. Then, Kyungsoo had doubts if he actually wanted to do architecture, forcing himself into two-years of active duty to think.

“You might think,” Jongin put down his empty glass and fished out a tin cigarette case from the inner pocket of his coat, a lighter in the opposite pocket. He offered some to Kyungsoo but declined with a polite smile and a slight shake of the head. “People who like wine are pretentious.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows pulled together. He never once thought that.

“But really, it’s a masterful craft to be able to create that perfect pour. You’d also think that I’m going to talk non-stop about wine and bore you with tiny little details.” He put a stick between his lips and lit it up, puffing one almost on Kyungsoo’s face. “I’m too high for that.”

“I never once thought any of that.”

“Really?” Jongin then had the stick between his fingers. “You must be a good listener then. No wonder, you’re friends with Baekhyun.”

“Maybe.” Kyungsoo took a sip from his drink.

“Look,” he took one puff before turning his body to completely face Kyungsoo. “I know exactly why Chanyeol has been putting on a good word about you and your firm. It’s really quite obvious. What is this? A promotion?”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath and put his empty glass down. “Yep. Man’s gotta make money,” he said before chuckling, a little embarrassed.

“Meet me tomorrow. You’re free right? I’ll help you with that promotion of yours.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo’s eyes were at its maximum. He never thought it was that easy.

“Really. I’ll give you some lessons on wine too. If that’s okay with you.”

He never once thought that his promotion would come along that swiftly. It’s true, what connections can bring. It was easily the best decision he had made and he didn’t have any regrets, even when he asked for another glass of the wine they were just served. “Absolutely.”

~~~

Let’s just say, that’s where Kyungsoo’s dream started turning into a nightmare. Maybe he did regret coming to that party but he was a little torn even as he stood naked under the shower. He was torn even as he was on the verge of blocking Jongin from his phone. How come he was torn when he barely knew Jongin at all? Why was he so torn that he laid sleepless all Sunday evening? What happened that Sunday just pushed Kyungsoo at his lowest. 

Kyungsoo arrived at the farm mid-afternoon. Took him almost five hours and sure did put in the miles on his car. Arriving at the vineyard, he just hoped it was worth it. He dressed rather warmly. If Jongin didn’t look so apologetic for making him drive that long, he would have forgotten about the deal. “Look, you won’t punch me once you’ve tried their products.”

“Do you go here often?” Kyungsoo asked as they walked down the farm.

“Only when I feel like it.”

Kyungsoo nodded. Not everyone had the luxury to drive for hours just for “the perfect pour”, he thought, but Kim Jongin did.

“It was my mother who introduced me to this place. She’s the one who liked wine. Today’s her death anniversary.” It came out a little more too matter-of-factly for such information. Jongin didn’t even blink or hesitated to say it. The words rolled out of his tongue smoothly like he was saying, “I’m home.”

Kyungsoo stopped on his tracks and Jongin had to look back twice before realizing Kyungsoo wasn’t following him anymore.

“What?”

“I’m not talking business with you on your mom’s death anniversary,” he said firmly. “Just tell me about wines and stuff.”

Jongin laughed. “I’m sure it’s fine if we talk a little about your plans.”

“No.” Kyungsoo had never looked so serious. Jongin’s smile faded before he nodded and kept on walking.

The two went into what appeared to be a cellar. It was warmly lit and Kyungsoo felt amazed by the number of bottles before him.

“I never knew we made wine.”

“It’s because local collectors prefer the ones from overseas. I personally like the ones they make here. They’re good too and if we don’t support their business, who will?”

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin in awe. “You know, I never would have thought that you’d have a heart for locals.” Kyungsoo’s hand lingered on the shelves as he walked around slowly.

Jongin scoffed, scanning through the bottles himself. “Because I act like an arrogant piece of crap masked by money and power?”

He looked at Jongin dead in the eyes and muttered, “Yes.”

They laughed and shared a bottle of wine right after. The first bottle was all about wine. The body, the crisp texture, the flavor, and all random hullaballoos he probably won’t remember tomorrow. There was no stopping Jongin from enjoying that bottle without blurting out in rich man slang. It was on their second bottle that Kyungsoo dared to ask, “What happened? To your mom…”

“You know how rich families are in really bad dramas?” Jongin asked. “It’s not far off. We fight ourselves for dominance, power, and most of the time, we hurt people we love along the way,” Jongin was sitting legs crossed on a small crate and Kyungsoo on a stool right across him. His eyes were pinned on the glass as he started telling his story. “I would say, most of the decisions my father made for our family _really_ hurt my mom and ultimately pushed her away.”

“When my mother and I left for what should be a nice little vacation in Tuscany, Dad was out in Seoul, fighting for his position as the president against his brother. I wouldn’t say Dad sacrificed our family but he did make a choice that effectively killed her off of the face of the earth.” Jongin smiled up at Kyungsoo and suddenly the wine they were drinking was bitter. “I came to Tuscany with her but came home alone. She just disappeared. Now, I’m no expert but I don’t remember them signing the papers or whatever, that’s why it was such a mystery how my father remarried.” He drank the last sip and put down the glass on the crate next to the one he was sitting on. “I heard she did too. Had a child there too. I don’t know. They’re all just rumors. But the day she disappeared, I was told she was gone. Maybe dead.”

“So, she could be anywhere.”

Jongin shrugged and poured himself half of the glass before gulping down the whole thing. “Come with me.” He got up, never even waited, before going into a room in the cellar.

It was cold. Kyungsoo shivered a little—like winter bit him all of a sudden—when he stepped in the room. It was a little cramped so he kept some distance from Jongin just to avoid a few million Won worth of damages. “This is where they keep the good stuff, I suppose?” There was a slight shiver on his voice.

Jongin’s back was turned on him, just a few steps away.

“They all look expensive,” Kyungsoo crossed his arms over his chest as he looked around. “Tell me about them.”

Jongin looked through the shelved bottles before turning to Kyungsoo, taking a step closer. “Ask me.”

“Well, uhm, maybe…” Kyungsoo blinked and took a step back, pushing himself against the door. His shivers were keeping him from standing still. “About how they’re made and stuff…” He looked back at Jongin who was now burning a hole through his face with an unreadable expression. Was he going to get punched for asking about his mom? He told the story anyway. “A-and why’s it so damn cold in here anyway? Maybe we should go—” Kyungsoo reached for the door but Jongin took a step closer and calmly held his cold hand that was on the knob. Jongin’s hand was just as cold. “Jongin…”

Moving impossibly closer, Jongin pressed Kyungsoo flushed against the door with his body. Their cold breaths becoming one with an exhale, inhaling the same damn thing.

His heart raced and his head felt light like the alcohol was finally working. “Jongin, if you could just—”

“So?” Jongin leaned his head against the side of Kyungsoo’s, whispering against his ear. “Let’s talk about business.”

Kyungsoo’s face was turning red, from the alcohol, the close proximity, and the cold. “E-excuse me?” His lips quivered.

“Business,” Jongin said with a little shiver in his voice. With a deep breath, he pressed his lips against Kyungsoo’s ear but the other’s reflexes were fast enough to react to his advances.

Kyungsoo rolled his fist to a tight ball pushing Jongin with all his strength, throwing him down on the floor. “I’m not that desperate,” Kyungsoo, eyes brimmed with tears, walked out of the room and the cellar. He stomped his way through the vineyard, stumbling on some twigs. He got up and dusted himself clean before fishing his keys and smashing on the button, trying the door, failing, and doing it all over again until he was successful. In his car, he sat confused, angry, and completely mortified. He screamed and punched his steering wheel, bruising his knuckles. “Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.” Kyungsoo held his head in his hands before starting the engine. Fuck the alcohol. Kyungsoo had decided.

He’s driving back home.

~~~

But he couldn’t. Not without throwing up every 15 minutes. He wasn’t even sure if it was the wine that did that or the anxiety that was shooting up his head, making him feel nauseous. He just wanted to go home so he stepped on the gas, flooring it and aimlessly traversing through the light traffic before it hit him.

An orange barricade that bounced right into his windshield, cracking its surface and costing him a few thousand in fines.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo mumbled to himself. Sure, it could be worse. He could have run someone over at that speed or even crashed his car at that rate. He should be thankful he's alive.

Only that he was drunk and he was probably going to get prosecuted for driving drunk, too. _Well, fuck._ Kyungsoo rolled down his window for the officer that stepped right into the scene. It was a roving policeman on a motorcycle.

“Sir?” the officer leaned over and peeked into his car. The strong musky scent of his car freshener masked the remnants of expensive red wine on him. Lucky, he thought until he was asked to step out of the vehicle. “Have you been drinking?” The officer asked him, bringing out a breathalyzer from his vest. Kyungsoo helplessly stepped out, cursing Kim Jongin under his breath.

“Look, officer, I was just in a hurry. I didn’t see the—”

“I’m gonna have to ask you to do the test, sir.” He moved the device towards Kyungsoo’s face—too close for comfort.

“Can I make a quick call?”

The officer gave him a stern look and so he helplessly blew on the device. It beeped and the officer shook his head.

“Can I make the call now?”

The officer prepared the ticket and pressed on the radio, ready to ask for dispatch and a tow truck, as he watched Kyungsoo lean into his car and grab his phone. Kyungsoo easily found his number and punched himself in his head as the line rang.

“Hey,” he mumbled under his breath. “I know it’s kind of late but... “ Kyungsoo glanced at the officer, patiently waiting for him to finish his call. “I’m at Sinchon, right by the intersection. I need your help.” He never asked for help; he had never been in an accident or anything even remotely similar to it. He aced his driver’s license test and was always the sober one during company dinners. He always drove Baekhyun home and a few others safely so it was quite a surprise when it took a 180-degree turn that night. Kyungsoo handed over the phone to the officer. He turned his back on Kyungsoo as he spoke, mumbling over the phone before turning again and handing over the phone back to its owner. He almost immediately canceled dispatch right after the call.

“You’re friends with the Byuns?” the officer asked as he waited with Kyungsoo outside the car.

“He’s a colleague,” he said, requesting towing services himself. “Look, officer, I never do this but…”

“Desperate times call for desperate measure,” he nodded and sighed. “I know. I know.”

It took Baekhyun 20 minutes to arrive at the scene. This time it was a 3-series BMW. How many cars did Baekhyun have? No one really knew but Kyungsoo had seen at least four of them. Baekhyun said, one was loaned to him by his brother.

Baekhyun immediately recognized the officer as if they were long time friends. “Hey, Jongdae! Man, I never thought I would see you again. I thought you quit the force. I heard your wife didn’t like it.” And they were. Baekhyun shook hands with him and gave him half a hug.

“No, I just took a sabbatical to take care of the baby but I’m back now. I think I am stuck with traffic though. She never wants me to be a beat cop at least.”

“Hey, I'm sure she just wants you to be safe.” Baekhyun casually slipped a few bills on the officer’s pocket before squeezing his arm. “Thanks for looking over my friend. I’ll take it from here. Say hi to the missus for me.”

The officer gave him a nod before riding his motorcycle and speeding away to god knows where.

“You know him too?” Kyungsoo asked as he leaned back on his car, neither surprised nor disappointed in what he just witnessed. He had seen Baekhyun get off of violations with a few thousand expertly slipped on an officer's pocket. It was like there was a part of his monthly allowance that went to just bribing police officers.

“An old high school friend. Smart guy. Always wanted to be a detective.” Baekhyun leaned into his car and fished out bottled water before throwing it over to Kyungsoo who almost missed. “But he married early. She was the school’s beauty. Hated cops. Now he’s stuck being a traffic cop. Poor guy. He has so much potential. Are you okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded as he gulped down half of the bottle. “I just want to go home.”

Without any hesitation, Baekhyun let Kyungsoo hop in his car. It smelled like fresh leather inside and Kyungsoo felt like throwing up again but decided to gulp it down with the rest of the water.

“What were you doing there anyway? You never drink and drive. Hell, you’d rather sleep in the bar than get behind a wheel or something.”

“I went to Gyeongsang.”

“Gyeongsang?!” Baekhyun almost missed a speed bump, forcing Kyungsoo to lean forward as he stepped on the break.

“Dude!”

“I’m sorry! What were you even doing there? On a Sunday too. Is there a girlfriend you’re not telling me about? Did your family move? Do you have a long-lost sibling you came out to look for?”

“Stop watching Netflix, maybe,” Kyungsoo leaned his head back, eyes closed, furrowing his eyebrows and massaging just above it with a hand, elbow leaning against the car window. “Kim Jongin asked me to come.”

“Kim Jongin? _That_ Kim Jongin?! Man, your social skills are surpassing mine. Teach me how to score a date with a rich bachelor too.”

Kyungsoo opened his eyes and glared at Baekhyun, throwing a punch on his arm. “It's not like that!”

“Sure! Of course… I’m just saying…”

He was burning a hole right through Baekhyun’s face who was just looking ahead as he drove but his peripheral vision got him laughing nervously.

“Aye, I was just kidding!” He chuckled and pursed his lips. “But still, how come you ended up in that accident? Did something happen? Did he drug you?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and looked out the window. He couldn’t even close his eyes without seeing exactly what happened earlier and wanting to throw up right after.

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun quickly turned his head towards him before focusing back on the road. “You never ask for my help. You’re always quiet but this sounds a lot like trouble. What happened in Gyeongsang?” The worry rose up in Baekhyun’s voice; he wasn’t kidding around or simply curious anymore. He definitely knew something was up.

“He…” Kyungsoo sighed and turned his head down, embarrassed by what he was about to say. “He advanced on me. Pressed his body against me and… kissed my ear.”

Baekhyun’s eyes were a lot wider than normal, stepping on the brake abruptly, throwing Kyungsoo forward. “What?! Kim Jongin did what?!”

“Byun Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo felt his stomach turn and his head throb.

“I’m sorry! What happened?!”

“Stop shouting!” Kyungsoo gruntled as he held his head in his hands. “Last night,” he started, “He asked me to meet him there. Said we were going to talk business so I went. I want that promotion, okay? But I’m not that desperate. We had a bottle, he lectured me about wine, and on the second bottle, I asked him about his mom because he had mentioned her when I got there. He told me a really sad story, then he just got up, asked me to follow him into some cold wine cellar thing, and… and did that.”

Baekhyun was just staring the whole time he was talking, mouth gaped with a frown, and he felt like he was going to sink on the fine leather upholstery.

“I’m not that desperate.” Kyungsoo looked out the window and bit his lip, quivering from a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “You know that…”

“Right…” Baekhyun got back to driving, this time slower and calmer. “Right, you’re not that type of guy. Wow, he’s such a pervert. I never knew. Chanyeol is so gonna flip if he knew—”

“Don’t tell him,” Kyungsoo mumbled just under his breath. “Please don’t…”

Baekhyun nodded. “Of course, yeah. He doesn’t need to know. He shouldn’t really. It’s none of his business. How about you?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was such an asshole.”

“I’m okay... “ He sighed. “I’m okay.”

But he wasn’t.

Of course, he wasn’t. He just probably pissed off the biggest client he was never going to have, got sexually assaulted, and risked his life driving drunk. He was far from okay but he managed to thank Baekhyun and smile briefly as he got off in front of his apartment. He managed to enter his code even with shaky hands before falling right by a stack of shoes at the apartment’s entrance.

Then it began, the doubting and the hesitation to completely erase the memories of that night. Kyungsoo took a warm bath that usually calmed him down only to find his brain in a bigger turmoil. He watched his favorite series but kept repeating the scenes as he never understood a word they were saying. He laid down on his bed, sleepless and empty. He wasn’t sure if he successfully got rid of the embarrassment and the anger or if he was just too overwhelmed by them to actually feel.

No, he didn’t sleep a blink and so he showed up a little too pale at work the next day. He had to take the bus because his car was in service and the subway would probably take longer. He carried his everyday bag through the bustling streets, bumping into strangers about four times before finally getting in the building. The elevator ride felt longer than it should and he could honestly throw up as if he had not thrown up his whole gut during the weekends.

Kyungsoo felt like shit but he just felt shittier as he got off the elevator with a familiar face waiting by the door, Baekhyun entertaining him as much as he could with, of course, less hospitality than usual. No tea or coffee, not even a seat. Just right outside, by the reception, Kim Jongin stood with hair tapered to perfection, a scarf around his neck, a heavy designer coat around his shoulder and—as surprising as it seemed—an apologetic look on his face.

Unable to handle another elevator ride back down, he had no choice but to lock up at the pantry with Jongin to talk, this time with warm coffee in their hands. “I know I was an asshole,” Jongin began. “It was a mistake and… no matter what I say, it won’t be enough to take away what you’re feeling right now.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo stared at his cup, getting colder by the second. “Why? Do _you_ know how _I’m_ feeling right now?”

“Whatever I say, it would only sound like a lame excuse but I’m taking responsibility for my actions. They were… _inappropriate_.” It felt like he spoke not because he was apologetic but because he was protecting his name. Kyungsoo scoffed.

“You should probably leave. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I approached you at that party. It was poor judgment on my part. I can find another client. It’s alright.” Kyungsoo got up and drew the door to the pantry open. “My boss will arrive any minute from now. I’m not really supposed to be slacking.”

“That’s exactly what I’m here for.” Jongin finished his coffee and got up. “This is the only way I can show how apologetic I am since you probably don’t care about anything I say anymore.”

“What?”

Before he could hear what Kyungsoo had said, Jongin was already out the door, greeting his Chinese boss as he entered the office. They exchanged warm smiles as if they were old friends before disappearing into Zhang Yixing’s office.

“What’s that?” Baekhyun hurried towards Kyungsoo in confusion.

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo sighed as he got out of the pantry, eyes pinned on the glasses that enclosed Yixing’s office. “But whatever it is, I don’t want to be a part of it.”


	2. Chapter 2

~~~

Kyungsoo had convinced himself to be the person his parents had always wanted him to be. He was a young man with big dreams, smart and cautious, and independent yet confined by the rules his parents had set for him. No, he never owned a single game console or experienced arcade games as a young boy. He may have sucked in games but at least he learned how to cook on his own while his parents were out making a living. All his life, he lived as his parents prescribed, through long lectures during dinners or weekends in the study chamber. Most especially, he decided that he was a man who had always wanted a woman, even as he dreamed of an old senior who helped him through a bowl of beer at the university MT. Even if he touched himself to the thought of being made love to by that man who he had always considered to be his first love.

But that night, he couldn’t convince himself to be the person he had always wanted himself to be. He melted into Jongin’s touches, as his fingers felt too weak to grip on the other’s limbs, and as his breath couldn’t catch on with the hungry kisses. He couldn’t convince himself when his feet dragged him into that car. As Jongin worked his buttons off, he whispered, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jongin smiled and whispered, “Me neither.”

It was a Friday. It was always less busy during those days and those were the only times Jongin could come visit the site. Since Jongin got the company to work on their new development right by the edge of Gyeonggi, almost nearing Gangwon. Jongin made sure, of course, that Kyungsoo led the project. It was better, he thought, that he was miles away from Jongin at least six days a week. He only had to report to him once a week and then go back to his normal life. He would rather know where Jongin was headed than randomly bump into him in Seoul. He might just throw up right then and there.

But Fridays were never easy for him. Jongin’s presence never made it easy for him to operate. He could still remember how cold it was that day in that wine cellar and he could ask for a little more space when he reports, and perhaps a few more people. But late nights meant rest for most of the team and Kyungsoo would always be the only one available to meet Jongin.

“Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” Jongin scanned through the thick pile of paper, bound at the top with a black clip.

“Come here during late nights. Why aren’t you partying in Seoul, doing drugs with your celebrity friends or something.”

Jongin didn’t answer, instead, he put down the paper and asked for the one on Kyungsoo’s hand.

“You’re making it hard for me and this is not the apology I expected neither was this what I was looking for." Kyungsoo passed the papers to him. “Hell, I don’t even _need_ your apology.”

Jongin peeped up from the papers, towards Kyungsoo. “First of all, I do owe you an apology. I want you to know that I can draw a deal with you without making it complicated and personal. But me coming down here has nothing to do with what happened. Believe me, we both need this project to move forward.” He took a deep breath and put down the pile before nodding to his left. “How far deep are we in yet?”

“33 feet as of today,” Kyungsoo helplessly said.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Jongin mumbled, loosening the tie under his collar. “I know it’s stupid but I actually thought you were into me.”

“What?”

“Yes, I was wrong. I get it now.”

“Jongin, I don’t have time for adventures like you,” Kyungsoo said as he piled up his documents. “I need to make a living. I need that promotion to be able to call myself something. Unlike you, I had to work to get to where I am now. What I did at the party—approaching you—was a first for me. I don’t know how networking goes. I don’t know how to make deals with bratty rich boys like you; no offense.”

“None taken.” Jongin shrugged.

“I wanted to be your friend and besides… I’m… I’m not…”

Jongin was fully anticipating what was about to be said as he never really said the word either. He just enjoyed a few nights with men every now and then. What he was, was happy. He never really thought of putting a label on it.

“I’m not like that.”

“Neither am I.” Jongin got up and looked around at the shabbiest office he had probably ever been. “But how sure are you that you aren’t… _like that_?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and kept the folders of documents over documents in a steel cabinet. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why?”

“I’m not going to engage in this conversation.”

“Why not? Are you afraid?”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of yourself, coward.”

Kyungsoo slammed the cabinet shut and turned to Jongin who was standing right by the door. “Excuse me?”

“I know you. I know people like you. You can keep denying it but you can’t keep lying to yourself. Kyungsoo, I made an excuse at that party to be alone with you. I know exactly what type of person you are. You’re a coward.” Jongin took a step forward with every word. A little mad. A little frustrated. “You convince yourself you’re a lawful son of whatever god you serve and hold it in. You’re afraid to make mistakes and you’re afraid to lose.”

“I’m not like you. I don’t have the luxury to be all you are.” Kyungsoo gestured at Jongin with every bit of it meant as an insult. “You live well under the protection your name gives you and take risks because you can afford one. You think I don’t know but I see people like you every day. I deal with your bratty ways and selfish mistakes because you’re too entitled to deal with them yourselves.”

“At least I’m true to myself. I know who I am. I know what I want. I don’t know what your sob story is but save it for the people who’d pat your back for being a pretentious nobody. You’re never going to get what you want with that attitude.”

Kyungsoo threw a punch right across his face, making Jongin stumble back against a table.

Jongin scoffed as he checked for blood on his lips.

Kyungsoo blindly grabbed him by the collar and stared at him dead in the eyes.

“What’s wrong? Scared to throw another punch? I’ll let you hit me four more times for free. I’ll file a lawsuit on the sixth.”

Kyungsoo’s grip only tightened but he wasn’t scared. He was hesitant not because of fear but because it was true that he was weak. He sighed as he let go and dragged himself away from Jongin. “It’s crazy fucks like you that made me want to work harder,” he said rather wearily. “Those who buy your way to the top, made me wake up every morning, looking at myself in the mirror while saying, “Hold on a little longer.” Now I have no idea how long I’ve been holding on.”

Jongin fixed his coat and checked on his reflection on a small mirror at a staff’s desk, acting as if he wasn’t listening at all.

“Don’t take this away from me. This shell, this mask, the dreams I’ve cultivated through the years—they’re who I am now. I’m sorry I punched you. You’re just a real asshole, that’s all.”

“I know,” he said, wiping the corner of his lips with his tie. “You cowering in fear is just a real bummer, that’s all.”

Kyungsoo chuckled, making Jongin laugh a little.

“Live a little. Pretending like that will never make you feel like you’re home anywhere. Not in your tiny apartment or your parents’ house. Not in wherever you plan to settle after all the hard work you’d have done. You’ll always be a stranger. So live.”

Kyungsoo looked down on his knuckle and sighed. “Do you ever drink soju and beer?”

“Like together?”

He laughed and nodded. “Yeah, like together.”

~~~

It had been quite a while since Kyungsoo actually talked to anybody. Unlike other conversations he had, Kyungsoo did a lot of the talking when he was with Jongin. He was asked questions he was never asked before about tiny little details no one ever noticed. Jongin asked about the hairstyle and why he liked to run his hand through his hair even when there’s nothing there, his favorite food and the perfect drink that came with it, and where he learned to drink when he had no social life in high school or college.

Kyungsoo talked about things he never knew he would before like how that senior, Kim Minseok, really made him feel things and how he refused to remember what it was like being infatuated with a guy. He’d like to say he was just confused for a quick second; only that second lasted for about a year before Minseok got in an internship in Japan. “I just admired him from afar,” Kyungsoo mumbled as he poured soju into his beer pint. “Come to think of it, there really wasn’t anything special about him. His smile was just nice, that’s all.”

“You did like him,” Jongin said, just about to finish his second pint. “You can’t talk about a guy like that without having feelings for him.”

“No, but he was a really cool guy. I’d like to say that he was my sexual awakening. One that I’ve been trying to put to sleep ever since.”

Jongin shook his head. “I’m not judging you or anything but you can always choose not to put a label on who you are. You can only be defined by how you see yourself.”

“Is this what you do?” Kyungsoo glanced up at him and Jongin nodded.

“What I do is keep myself happy.”

“But you’re an heir,” Kyungsoo looked at him with the same concern when he asked about Jongin’s mother and there was something about the way his eyes pleaded for a story that just made Jongin tell. “All eyes are on you. You know how bad dramas go. You should know what they’d do once they find a flaw in you.”

“Only that was kind of inaccurate,” he laughed. “I do date girls my family set me up with. But the most I had done for them was to bring them to my father’s hotel and reserve the restaurant just for us.”

“Real prince charming move right there,” Kyungsoo laughed with Jongin. “It’s too good to be true. Anybody told you that’s now considered a red flag?”

“I’ve been told. That’s why I still do it. It works every time. There’s an 80% chance they’ll break up with me the next time we meet. Some even just end it right then and there. Besides, there are nicer guys out there with just the same amount of luxury I can provide.”

“ _Have you ever been in love?_ ” He wanted to ask but Kyungsoo didn’t. He cowered, just like Jongin had seen him do only a few hours back. It sure was nice talking to Jongin as the friend he had always thought they could be. “You’re never going to win my sympathy,” Kyungsoo just mumbled. “Just because you’re trying to impose that you’re a broken young man behind the playboy-brat facade doesn’t mean I am going to sympathize with you.”

“I don’t need your sympathy,” Jongin raised a hand then a bottle of soju to ask for another. “I just want you to know that I know what I’m doing and all these things I do, I’ve done knowing what the consequences will be.”

“Still not mature enough,” Kyungsoo laughed. “You have so much potential, Jongin. You have the resources, the power, the connections, and you choose to be the asshole you are right now.”

“I just hired your firm for our biggest development yet!” Jongin nudged Kyungsoo’s elbow with his fist. “I think that’s a pretty mature move.”

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo took a huge gulp from his drink. As he glanced up, he saw the shift in Jongin’s emotions. It was as if his smile was borrowed and he had to return it before midnight.

“Everything you think I have isn’t mine,” Jongin said as the cap of the freshly served soju cracked open with a twist of his hand. “The money is my father’s,” he said, pouring soju in a shot glass. “The power is my family’s.” He put down the bottle and raised his glass. Kyungsoo poured soju in his glass before clicking it against Jongin’s. The two took their shot.

“Let’s get you home.”

Jongin didn’t dare protest. The last time he was intoxicated, he did something inappropriate and the last thing he wanted was to piss Kyungsoo yet again. He already got punched that night, he would never know the worse that could happen with a shovel just lying around the corner at the site.

“You guys comfortable in here?” Jongin looked up at the cheap motel where the team had been staying while working on the project.

“Don’t worry about us. This is better than no lodging at all,” Kyungsoo said handing over a key to Jongin. “You shouldn’t drive in this condition. I’ll crash with Baekhyun. You take my room.”

Jongin immediately protested against it, pushing Kyungsoo’s hand away. “No, come on. I’ll be fine. I’ll sleep in the car. Besides, I don’t know what creature lives under the sheets in that place. I have sensitive skin.” Kyungsoo laughed at him to which he smiled back. “I’d rather sleep in my car. I just had it cleaned a few days back.”

“Whatever, brat,” Kyungsoo slipped the key back in his pocket before turning away to head inside.

“I’ll be right here,” Jongin said, walking towards his car. He waited but Kyungsoo didn’t even take a second look. “Right… here,” he mumbled to himself as he disappeared into his car, reclining his chair back.

The clock ticked down to two and Jongin still barely slept a wink. Kyungsoo, tossing and turning on his bed. What went on in Jongin’s mind seemed to have bothered Kyungsoo just as bad. The thought of long conversations and questions they should have asked pulled Kyungsoo out of his bed and out of his room. Stepping right out of his room, he took a peek at the window right down into the parking lot where Jongin’s car was parked. In his arms were a pair of extra comforter Jongin could use. “I hate him so much…” Kyungsoo whispered, stumbling right back when Jongin’s roof started folding back. “Fuck—” he mumbled to himself. Of course, his car was convertible. In a panic, Kyungsoo decided maybe he should just go back to bed and searched his keys in his pockets.

Except he didn’t have a pocket. “Great,” he mumbled before mentally kicking the shit out of himself. “Just great…” Where he found himself a few minutes after quietly knocking into Baekhyun’s bedroom (hoping he would open up) was right by Jongin’s car. There, the other was sleeplessly blinking up at the sky, cloudy and a little purple.

“I locked myself out and I can’t get help until the morning,” he shamelessly admitted.

Jongin laughed and nodded for him to join him in the car. “You’re in your pajamas. It’s Do Kyungsoo in pajamas.”

Now he felt stupid. It was cold and freezing and all he was wearing was a pair of pajamas and a gray shirt. “Don’t look. And please, can you close this up? Aren’t you cold?” Kyungsoo pulled the comforter to wrap himself into it.

Jongin shook his head but closed the car up anyway. “How did you even lock yourself up? And aren’t you supposed to give me those?”

“Yes, but I locked myself out of my room and you didn’t seem to mind the cold so I’m keeping it.” Kyungsoo reclined his chair back so he was half laying on his back.

Jongin laughed. “You’re an idiot.” Jongin laid back on his chair after turning up the heater in the car. “But I was hoping you’d come back down.”

“With a comforter?”

“Well… That’s a bonus,” he laughed and Kyungsoo draped half of the comforter in Jongin’s direction. “Or maybe I was just hoping we could talk some more.”

Kyungsoo nodded, looking out the window. He had never felt so cozy in a car until that night. Not with a boy around, not in his pajamas. “I’m tired,” he said, eyes wide open.

“You don’t look tired,” Jongin peeked at him. “You seem pretty sober too.”

“I have a high tolerance.”

“Well, I don’t,” Jongin leaned in and pulled Kyungsoo’s face by the chin to look back at him. “I’m gonna ask permission this time; please don’t punch me.”

Kyungsoo held his breath, attempting not to blink as Jongin’s eyes held him in position. There was barely any touch involved. It was just Jongin’s finger that touched his skin but he felt hot and his face flushed red.

“Can I?”

“I thought we were going to talk…” Kyungsoo said and he felt like an idiot as Jongin laughed.

“If you haven’t noticed it yet, this is how I talk,” Jongin pulled his face closer towards Kyungsoo and he swore he almost felt the heat rising on Kyungsoo’s face. His lips grazed against Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo gasped for air before he would pass out then mumbled, “My god, you’re painfully annoying.” He pulled Jongin in by the nape and they kissed. The taste of beer mixing in with the peppermint from Kyungsoo’s toothpaste. Kyungsoo’s stomach felt like it would turn. He was nervous like it was the first time, thinking the whole time. Was he doing it right? Was he good enough for him not to pull away? Was his mouth too wet or maybe too dry? Were his hands holding him tight enough? Was it too tight?

Well, he never knew the answer as Jongin pulled the comforter off of Kyungsoo and slipped a hand under his shirt. The fabric was soft against both their skin now and Kyungsoo’s body was tingling with his touch, cold—freezing, almost. Kyungsoo’s hands travel down to Jongin’s arm and he never really noticed how firm his biceps were until he squeezed them tight. Now his mind was a mess. Jongin was too physically perfect that he felt insecure under his touch but too weak to pull back or push him away. Either way, he felt helpless he could only turn his head away.

“Stop thinking,” Jongin mumbled against his skin, tickling him a little.

“What?”

Jongin pulled back a little to stare into Kyungsoo’s eyes. “I can almost hear your brain thinking.” His hands were still on Kyungsoo’s skin, thumbs rubbing them in circles as if massaging his waist. “It’s okay. You’re beautiful.”

Kyungsoo felt like throwing up just then and turned his head away, taking Jongin’s arms by his hands and taking them off of him. “I’ll try Baekhyun again,” he kicked the comforter completely off of him and in panic, tried the door repeatedly but it was locked. “The door? Please?”

“I won’t do it again,” Jongin said, ignoring what he just said and laying back on his seat. His eyes were already closed when Kyungsoo looked back at him and just as helpless as he was under his touch, he obediently laid back down and pulled his comforter up.

~~~

That kiss remained in Kyungsoo’s head for the rest of the week. It was as if he couldn’t wait until Friday to correct the mistake he had done if he did any. Yet at the same time, he wished Friday wouldn’t come so he can avoid Jongin as much as he can. He wished he had avoided the awkward moment of sneaking out of Jongin’s car only to get caught as he unlocked the car. The whole week was about him, mentally and physically kicking for that night.

“Do you have a tapeworm?” Baekhyun asked and Kyungsoo handed him over a small tape dispenser. “You sure do…”

“Huh?”

“Why do you keep kicking? You look like a zombie, by the way. I have a really good moisturizer and you can use a lip balm for those lips.” Baekhyun examined his face up close. “And you need to get laid.”

“Like you’re getting laid,” Kyungsoo pushed his face away.

“I was. Last Friday, I went to Chanyeol’s place. He totally—”

“What?!” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened at him. “You weren’t there?! I was knocking at your room, stupid!”

“Why are you mad…”

Kyungsoo grumbled under his breath and grabbed his design plate before getting up and out of the office only to be greeted by Jongin’s early ass at the site. “Kim Jongin…”

“That’s Mr. Kim for you, Mr. Do,” Jongin teased as he took off his sunglasses. “I got off of work early in Seoul. Decided to drive up here.”

“Mr. Kim,” he corrected himself. “I was just going to the site. I did some revisions that the engineer could use.”

“I’m coming with you then,” Jongin said, putting his sunglasses back on. But it wasn’t like he did anything there. He just looked around with a hard hat on, hands over his chest.

“You’re not the visiting type, are you?” Kyungsoo said as he turned towards Jongin, rolling the big piece of paper on his hand.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re clearly scared of falling down there.”

“That’s 50 feet deep!” Jongin shouted, a little too loud for the team to hear. “I mean… Everyone would be scared of going down there.”

“Not them,” Kyungsoo nodded at the workers alighting what appeared to be a small elevator. “Anyway, what brings you here. You don’t need to come here every week, you know?” Kyungsoo led the way out of the site and back to the office.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Jongin said and Kyungsoo turned with a glare. “No! Like… _talk-talk_.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about though,” Kyungsoo said, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m trying really hard to make this right, can’t you see?” Jongin stepped closer to him. “Look, we can’t talk like this. Come with me, I know a place.”

“I have work to do. I’ll be late. Like, _late_ ,” Kyungsoo turned away. “Don’t wait up for me.”

But Jongin waited and of course, Kyungsoo decided he was going to make him. When the clock ticked 8 in the evening and Baekhyun had already disappeared to Seoul (probably), he was had just finished stacking up papers on his desk. Jongin’s car was still parked outside. He grabbed his coat and went out, knocking on Jongin’s side of the car.

Wiping the corner of his mouth, Jongin hurriedly rolled down his window. “Are you done?”

“Let’s grab dinner; I know a place.”

“Okay, let’s—” Jongin pulled his seatbelt but Kyungsoo pulled his door open.

“I’m driving. You’ll get lost ‘round here.” Jongin crawled to the passenger’s seat just as Kyungsoo was getting in the car. “I’ll try to be careful,” Kyungsoo said before pushing the button to start the car.

“Try?”

Kyungsoo drove down opposite the road Jongin had planned on taking earlier, adjacent to the main road. “You were going to take us to the mandu place, weren’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“Went there last week with Baekhyun. It’s not as good as this one we found down here,” Kyungsoo took a sharp turn towards a small hiking path and pulled up outside a stone house with a beat-up sign outside: “Gyun’s Kitchen”.

“You sure this is a nice place?”

“Trust me,” Kyungsoo smiled and got out of the car and disappeared into the restaurant. If it was any other person, Jongin would have taken the car and drove all the way back to Seoul but since it was Kyungsoo, he followed without hesitation.

“This place is older than you and me,” Kyungsoo said after ordering a pot of kimchi stew and a few servings of side dishes. “I heard this was founded during the war.”

“You talked to the owner, didn’t you?”

“It’s quite interesting, this place,” Kyungsoo looked around the rustic interiors. “I want a place just like this. I would make a few adjustments with the exteriors and add some in the interiors but don’t you think it’s perfect? It can withstand a storm and with the right foundations, probably even an earthquake. I’d also choose a better choice of wood but this is nice too.”

“You’re quite talkative today,” Jongin said as he served utensils on the table. “I like it. I like hearing you talk.”

With a glare, Kyungsoo decided it was better if he didn’t speak at all.

“Why? What happened?”

“I don’t talk a lot,” Kyungsoo sighed to himself. “Baekhyun is rubbing off of me. I should really spend some time away from him.”

Jongin laughed and so did Kyungsoo. Even over a simple dinner, they laughed. No particular topic at all, just laughing with little gestures and small jokes. Maybe it was what Kyungsoo needed to keep the awkward feelings at bay—a good laugh over dinner.

“Look, I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo said as he unconsciously started cleaning up the table. “I want... to make it right.” His head ducked, Jongin just watched him clean up. “I don’t know how hook-ups happen but hey, there’s a first for everything!” He laughed nervously and glanced up at Jongin. With the way he stared at Kyungsoo, he was already naked, in bed, with him.

“Don’t they have thin walls in there,” Jongin said, getting up to pay for their bill with his black card.

“This is why you brought a bigger car, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo pushed his hand away and paid in cash instead. “They don’t accept cards here.”

“You sly little…” He consciously glanced up at the owner before clearing his throat and pulling Kyungsoo out of the restaurant in a hurry.

Holding Kyungsoo’s hand on their way back to the site, Jongin found himself smiling. Grinning when Kyungsoo leaned in first to kiss him and gasping when Kyungsoo pulled him to the backseat. His mind was a mess this time. It was as if Kyungsoo knew better. Maybe he did. Maybe he had practice. But he didn’t want to know who he did it with. Was it Baekhyun? God, he hoped not.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo whispered against his ear, straddling his lap. “Don’t think.”

And so he didn’t. He just went with it. He snapped Kyungsoo’s buttons halfway down, kissing his chest that’s exposed. Then, he grabbed Kyungsoo's thighs that were strong against his. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” Kyungsoo said as his face glowed red with Jongin’s kisses.

“Me neither,” he said and before he knew it, their bodies were flushed against each other. Their hands, intertwined and every piece of fabric slowly disappearing from their bodies. They were hard against each other, wet mouths exploring every inch of their skin, finding just the perfect spot that made the other shiver. Kyungsoo was breathless under Jongin’s touch, their lengths rubbing against each other. He wanted more, for sure. He needed a bit more so his hand traveled down to squeeze their parts together. Jongin had never felt that sensitive but Kyungsoo’s soft skin against his was his kryptonite. Kyungsoo’s climax came in a rush, making a mess of their bodies as strands of translucent white smeared all over as they rocked the backseat back and forth. Jongin’s was calm, erupting in quietly and streaming through their lengths, leaving their skins sticky against each other.

Jongin would have gone for another round but he liked laying on top of Kyungsoo, even come all over their bodies. Kyungsoo’s skin was still warm like fever but he was just cold. Kyungsoo snaked his arms around Jongin.

“Let’s stay like this for a while.” Jongin’s voice was soft and the car was quiet with their breaths and a soft hum coming from Kyungsoo’s lips.


	3. Chapter 3

~~~

It went on and on just like a track Kyungsoo kept on repeat, tirelessly turning under the needle. There were scratches and skips and he almost memorized every part of it. The intro plays with Jongin pulling up at night and through the first verse, they converse, exchange glances, and sneak a few touches. On the chorus, the duet. Every Friday, when Jongin was free and when Kyungsoo had no work. Some nights, they did it in the car, some nights Kyungsoo would come to Seoul instead. He had already known where to touch Jongin, just the right pressure to keep him down and Jongin had known where to kiss him just to keep him in cloud nine.

It felt like a dream, to be able to hold Jongin that close but it was just as suffocating as a nightmare to keep a secret, from his friends especially Baekhyun who held back no details from nights he had spent with Chanyeol. He felt like a liar and, still, a coward. Hot, rough nights spent with Jongin didn’t make him any stronger. He remained fearful of the eyes that could see or the ears that could hear and even with Jongin’s silence he could hear the heartbeat that was just like his. Jongin, too, was scared but he was strong enough to smile through it and lie about it.

Jongin liked it when Kyungsoo cooked. It made everything better. The room felt calm with a good old stew or a nice warm broth. It calmed both their hearts down with a quiet reminder that there was nothing to be afraid of. The day Kyungsoo went home from Gyeonggi, he decided he’d drop by Jongin’s. With a hopeful thermos of soup in one hand, and stacks of side dishes in a bag on another.

“What are you doing here?” were not the words he was expecting from Jongin but what he got anyway. He didn’t have to blink twice to see a pair of red pumps by his door. He didn’t have to listen carefully to hear a woman ask him for a towel. “Kyungsoo…”

Sure he was afraid but not enough to waste another second looking like a fool outside his apartment’s door. He didn’t have to waste another waking hour driving to wherever Jongin was every Friday or bother to text him his whereabouts. Thank goodness, he backed out first. He wouldn’t have known what to do. “Just dropping these off,” he handed over everything in his hands. “Keep the containers. They’re not important.” Kyungsoo turned and ignored when Jongin called him over and over, shaking as he reached for the ‘down’ button on the elevator.

“You know, for a second,” Kyungsoo turned back just before the lift arrived on his floor. “I thought you were everything I wanted to be. Carefree and fearless. And that I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude? That was _really_ hot.” He laughed; a bitter one. “But I guess you’re a little bit too much of that. Too carefree. Too fearless. Too many fucks you should have given. So what was I, Friday? I’m sorry I had to interrupt you and Monday. And you might need to find a replacement though. My job at the site _is_ done. So maybe— _just maybe_ —you can go fuck yourself this coming Friday.” The elevator dinged and Kyungsoo leaped in. _You just went off_ , Kyungsoo thought, keeping his head ducked, immediately hitting the ‘G’ button and smashing the close button.

No one would ever believe he just said what he said, or did what he did. Maybe he was dumb for still giving him the food, he should have spilled them on him instead. But he would probably call for a cleaning lady for that. He still wouldn’t have suffered just a little bit more than Kyungsoo had suffered.

With the frustration driving him nuts, he grabbed his phone and dialed up his mother. “Hi, Mom,” he said softly as he got in his car on the way to work. “When did you say the blind date was again?”

~~~

He hated it. He hated every moment of it. Every bit of that night, he forced himself to be it. He was pushed back into the corner where his parents had confined him, but at least he felt like he belonged in the sea of pretentious nobodies around him. But she was beautiful. She had the kind of smile that every man would want to see in the morning and the kind of laugh that would make them skip a beat. But none of those appealed to him very much.

Her name was Joohyun. She had skin pale like the snow and lips red like blood. She stood out from the crowd. If he liked girls, he would have married her right then and there. She was smart, funny, and had a really nice body. Her hands were soft and she liked to drink. No, not red wine, thank goodness. But she liked rosé. Jongin had one of those in his cellar. He never liked them.

Joohyun was a lawyer. She just passed the bar exam and would have become a prosecutor but she had to help her parents manage their firm so she had to choose a different path. Every detail about her he tried to memorize. The way she liked to touch her ear when Kyungsoo told her a compliment that came right out of his nose. She wasn’t able to tell the difference if Kyungsoo was faking it. He’d like to thank the years of practice.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo said as he pulled up outside her apartment building. “I was wondering if you’re free this Saturday. There’s a really big event at work. It’s kind of a big deal for me.” Kyungsoo couldn’t look her in the eye but not because he was shy, no. “We’re celebrating this thing that I led. I don’t know. Maybe you should come with me. I mean, it would be really nice if you were—”

“Kyungsoo,” she smiled the sweetest smile he had ever seen. He almost believed the way his heart fluttered at it. Now it just tore him apart to have to lie. “I’ll go with you. Pick me up at seven?”

He paused for a while, unsure whether or not he was ready for the commitment. But he said, “Seven.” He nodded and before he could say anything more, Joohyun was out of his car. “Idiot,” he mumbled to himself, before driving off. Of course, he never meant to invite her. He just wanted to bring an arm candy to make him look good. So Baekhyun can finally get off his back for the nights he was gone. Not that there was anything going on, still. It was over Jongin and him. He will be over him. Besides, it was just sex. If he had a girlfriend, he could still get laid too.

But Jongin’s non-stop texts weren’t helping.

_Kyungsoo._

_Please talk to me._

_It’s not what you think._

And all iterations of such. It could be anger or just the plain bitterness he tasted in his mouth as he read those texts that it was easier for him to hit ‘Block’ than before but it was just as hard to sleep. It was not easy to keep his thoughts off his mind. The way his touch felt or how his kisses made him weak. He couldn’t stop imagining him with her—whoever she was. He couldn’t get rid of the idea that he had been doing the same to goodness knew how many other people. Kyungsoo tossed and turned, sick of hearing his voice in his head. Sick of feeling he had made a bad decision, yet again.

Boys were never a good idea. Maybe if he learned to like Joohyun, it would be easier to forget about Jongin—how nights with him felt like, and easier to remember what days without him were like.

But those days were never easy. He spent his days hiding behind a mask he only had the freedom to take off around him. He hid under a shell that was easily broken down by him. Jongin had the power to set him free. He cried that night but he swore it would be the last. So he cried as hard as he could. Maybe tomorrow, it would be easier to go back to who he was before Jongin happened.

But of course, he had to explain the dark circles to Baekhyun. “You did it with your blind date, didn’t you?”

“That’s personal.”

“Why were you up all night then?” Baekhyun was lingering by his desk again. “If you didn’t do it with her…” He gasped. “Don’t tell me… you binged on cooking shows with her? Someone agreed to watch Top Chef with Do Kyungsoo?!”

“Chicks dig guys who can cook,” he glared at Baekhyun once and kicked his swivel chair back to his desk. But Baekhyun rolled back beside him.

“How is she? Is she good? Just kidding, I don’t care,” Baekhyun laughed. “But tell me about her. You never go to these blind dates. Why did you suddenly decide to go?”

“I need a date this Saturday.” Kyungsoo was trying very hard to focus on drawing his new draft.

“ _I need a date this Saturday_ ,” Baekhyun said in a mocking tone. “Bullshit, you hate parties. If you ever went to one, you’d be alone, you’d drink one glass, and do a real smooth French exit.”

Kyungsoo slammed his stylus on his desk and glared at Baekhyun.

“Sure…” Baekhyun slowly pulled himself back to his desk. “Let’s just say you need a date on Saturday. I won’t ask again.”

It wasn’t hard to spook Baekhyun. He just had to make it much more believable and with thoughts of Jongin putting him on edge 24/7, it was pretty easy to be annoyed at Baekhyun’s incessant talking. He took a peek at his calendar and much to his dismay, Saturday will happen. Will Jongin come? Probably, to score a really good one at his father’s company and the Chairman himself. Come to think of it, Jongin and Kyungsoo were not that different from each other. They do things as acts of survival. Jongin, while looking much blither than he was, still held secrets to remain that way. Kyungsoo, while much more composed, kept secrets to remain that way. They both had to appear a certain way around people to avoid questions and not to arouse any suspicion. Much as Kyungsoo would have understood then why Jongin acted the way he did, visions of Jongin touching someone else with those hands and kissing another pair with those lips put him in agony.

Yet, Kyungsoo knew he deserved much more than that pain. He didn’t like the restrictions he kept between him and Joohyun just because Jongin’s face got in the way. He found himself rushing to her side soon as the clock struck 6. “You’ve been quiet,” Joohyun said as they shared pasta for dinner. “Is something bothering you? Work?”

Kyungsoo looked up and her sincerity made him sigh. A heavy one. He took her hand on his and squeezed it once. Her hand was cold like she was nervous. It did look like he was going to break up with her and her emotions shifted to reflect her body’s cues. Her anxiety shot up her head and she took her hand back.

“Are we still on for Saturday?” she just asked, fixing the napkin on her lap. “I mean, you can tell me now so I can clear my schedule. I’m pretty busy, you know? I have a lot of meetings and—”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo blurted out, a little too loudly. “Yes, we’re still on for Saturday. And I’m a bit nervous because it’s a big deal. I don’t even have anything to wear.”

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” she reached out to hold his hand. Now his hands were cold and shaking. He wasn’t as good of a liar as he thought he was. “I’m sorry. Look, my friend owns this place. They rent out tuxedos and I’m sure you’ll find one there that would fit you perfectly. You have to be there. You said it’s a project you led. What would the party be for but to celebrate your success?”

Joohyun already had the right words to say to him when he was still scrambling to keep his lie intact and that was what scared him the most. He was terrified that there was no way out of it and that he would just keep on lying, then she would have to make conclusions and craft solutions for things that never were. He bet if he came clean right at that dinner table, she would be rational enough to ask for a moment before deciding they were better off with each other. Maybe Joohyun was a dead end and he wasn’t so sure if he liked that idea.

Joohyun wasn’t the type to cling. She liked to be guided but she never held his arm or hand when they walked. She appreciated the little gentleman gestures Kyungsoo did for her. Not to mention, she wasn’t the type to end the night with a kiss. She would smile and head out of the car. But that night Joohyun leaned over with a kiss on the cheek, a little too close to the lips too. Kyungsoo smiled as he held his breath. “I’ll see you Saturday,” she said. “I have a few meetings tomorrow. I’ll be busy.” Somehow, he heard if before.

_“See you next week? It’s a little hectic but I’ll see you for sure.”_

“Me too,” he said apathetically. He didn’t even have meetings of his own. Just the good old sitting by the desk making dream plates until the party. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

Even when Joohyun was out of the car, he remained and pondered over making a call or blocking a number. His finger repeatedly ghosted over Jongin’s number. It was like his body knew Friday was coming and he needed one Kim Jongin all over him. He’s a mess, yes. And a mess he did make in his car with thoughts of Jongin creeping up his mind. His skin against Kyungsoo always made him less insecure. The whispers on his ear made him completely vulnerable. Kisses tender enough for him to want more. Jongin was an addiction he had and it felt like not having him was worse than the consequences of being with him at all.

“Fuck…” he mumbled under his breath, disgusted and unsatisfied. He drove off after throwing crumpled tissue on the trash bin along the way, wishing Saturday would come just so he could get it over with.

~~~

Just like any other day, Joohyun was, if not more, stunning. Her midnight dress was a match with the navy tuxedo he had borrowed. Their coordinated looks felt too staged for Kyungsoo’s appeal but he did appreciate the effort Joohyun exerted to attend a party just for his sake. “You look beautiful,” he said as they entered the banquet. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t that hard to lie about someone who looked like that. Joohyun only smiled.

There were a lot of introductions made within a number of small circles but upon Baekhyun’s arrival, Kyungsoo was relieved. Then they were a trio, surviving the party together huddled up in their own world. The wine tasted exquisite that night and Kyungsoo knew the reason why.

“I heard Jongin requested for some really expensive wine tonight,” Baekhyun said. Where he heard it from, no one ever knew. Kyungsoo felt his chest tighten with the mention of Jongin’s name. It was like a trigger that made him look around the hall, seeing if he could spot Jongin before he could spot Kyungsoo. The uneasiness was apparent but to people like Joohyun and Baekhyun, it only seemed like Kyungsoo didn’t like the idea of having to talk on stage to explain the design of the project.

“Are you up for that speech?” Baekhyun said as they sat together with Joohyun on table #3. “I mean, just say so. You look like you’re about to faint.”

“I’m okay,” he just said, his neck almost worn out from turning left and right.

“Kyungsoo, you don’t have to force it,” Joohyun said, holding Kyungsoo’s hand in hers.

He looked up at her and she wiped the sweat he never knew trickled his forehead. “I’m okay.” He never calmed down even as the party started. A little introduction from the hosts and some words from both the companies’ heads. The way Kyungsoo sat on his chair, he liked to believe he was calm but his heart said no. There was no trace of Jongin in the crowd, not a single remark of him even arriving. What was with the expensive wine if he never really intended to come? With every minute passing, his speech approached. He wasn’t bothered at all about what he was going to say because he was probably just going to repeat the way he presented the design to their client, verbatim. He was more perplexed with what Jongin was up to that night.

“This project was mostly his idea,” C&C’s President said as he stood on stage. “If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have known to develop the land and create a wonderful experience for the locals and visiting tourists around the area. I can’t be more proud to call him my brother.” Kyungsoo’s head turned to the stage at what he heard. “Just a few years back, he was struggling to get through college, coming up to my room every night, asking for advice on how to survive his degree. Now, he’s establishing his name in the industry as a developer.” Kyungsoo looked around but he couldn’t find Jongin. Maybe it was too dark and table #1 wasn’t that visible from where he was. “Ladies and gentlemen, my brother and C&C’s very own Kim Jongin.” The applause almost deafened Kyungsoo and emerging from table #1 was him, in his usual designer tux. He stood tall on the stage with a smile he could recognize from anywhere. God, he looked dashing and he didn’t have to make any effort to look that fine.

“Good evening, everyone,” Jongin greeted as he held the mic on his hand. “Please, please,” he laughed as the applause didn’t cease. “I won’t be too long, I promise.” The crowd laughed, except Kyungsoo who just stared at him, yearning. “This project has been a dream of mine. Developing that chunk of land was a bit of a risk. Not everyone agreed with the development so I had to put on a hard pause. But I guess, getting hit really does you the trick.” Another round of laughter. “After a while, I looked back on this dream and made some changes on the plan; an apartment complex just didn’t cut it anymore. A deal is closed with conditions presented by two parties. I say we need to make this an apartment complex. They say it won’t bring them anything but additional taxes. So I dealt a card and added the mall. This idea is, of course, inspired by my brother’s developments. It’s the product of all my learnings for the years that he was training me to become the professional I am today…” Kyungsoo was tuning out. “...taking risks…” There was nothing more to hear in his speech but a parade of lies, again, to help him survive. Jongin had been living his life in his own selfish means but that is with sacrifices made here and there. With the way his family looked at him from the table, Jongin seemed like he earned another round of mess to be covered up with power and glory.

“Please welcome the genius behind the design, Architect Do Kyungsoo.” It was like he was woken up from a dream with Baekhyun’s laugh louder than it should be and Irene’s smile wider than it would have been. Kyungsoo got up and walked on to the stage. He was handed over a microphone from the side and he watched as Jongin nonchalantly got off the stage without even looking back at him. As he started his speech, his eyes were just glued on Jongin who was whispering something to his brother who tapped his shoulder. “This project’s vision aligned that of the firm’s…” he said as he watched Jongin head straight to the door and out of the hall. He knew right then and there he had to end his speech. “This was something I wouldn’t have done on my own. So, please give a round of applause to my co-designer, Byun Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo speeded out of the stage, faster than he had ever left the office every 6 o’clock. He rushed out of the hall and got into the elevator. With his instinct, he pressed “M” and headed straight for the hotel mezzanine. He peeked at the restaurant, the bar, even at the lounge but he was nowhere to be found. At the lobby, he ran out and turned from one hallway to another but to his disappointment, there was no Jongin in sight.

Hopeless, Kyungsoo found himself idly standing in the middle like an idiot. Did he really think he was going to find one Kim Jongin in a sea of affluent people? Did he really think Jongin would look back and wait for him to follow suit? Maybe he was wrong for chasing after him but it was hard to prove himself stupid when he turned and found Jongin standing right where Kyungsoo had hoped he would be.

“You crazy son of a bitch,” Kyungsoo mumbled and walked past Jongin, heading towards the elevator.

“You followed me,” Jongin said as he effortlessly chased after Kyungsoo. “You really did.”

“I wasn’t in my right mind,” Kyungsoo said as he pressed the 'up' button.

“Yes, you were. You were staring at me the whole time I was up on that stage.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. You missed me and you needed to see me and talk to me and—”

“I’m drunk,” he said and pressed on the ballroom’s floor before hitting the 'close' button but Jongin was quick to slide through. “Please leave me alone. It was a bad idea for me to even come down here.”

“No,” Jongin brought out a card from his pocket and scanned it by the buttons before hitting on ‘P3’. “Why can’t you just admit that you miss me?”

“Because I don’t.” Kyungsoo looked ahead as Jongin was turned completely towards him.

“You’ve been thinking of me.”

“Not in a million years.”

“Because I have,” Jongin said, softly. He was waiting for another snide remark but Jongin remained quiet. Instead of talking, Jongin turned to face the doors that were opening on the ballroom floor.

“You’ve been bugging me,” Kyungsoo mumbled as he reached for the close button. “I hate thinking of you and I hate being a part of your world. I hate being the person you come to on weekends just so you can fuck around again in the weekdays.” Kyungsoo then turned to face Jongin. “I am disgusted with the person I have become because of scum like you. I am disgusted with you.”

“That makes us two,” Jongin turned to face Kyungsoo whose expressions clearly only showed anger and pain. “I’ve become someone I completely despise. I’ve become just like you. A jealous, insecure liar.”

Silence filled them both—Kyungsoo on the verge of throwing his fist at Jongin and Jongin on the verge of tears. Never had Jongin felt so angry he wanted to cry. If he was angry about Kyungsoo he would know but at that moment, he knew he was angry at himself for not being able to become the person Kyungsoo always wanted him to be. What was a minute felt like hours before the bell rang and Jongin got off on his floor. He stopped halfway through the door, keeping it from closing. “Also, congratulations on the promotion, Junior Partner Do.”

“What?” Kyungsoo asked but Jongin was already out the door and the doors were closing before him. With a hand between the doors, he stopped it from closing. He screamed at the impact of the doors on his good hand. “What did you just say?”

“Maybe if you finish the event down there, you’ll know. I know. That’s why I told them to serve only the best wine they could get their hands on. Drinks on me, Kyungsoo.”

Stunned, the doors closed right before his eyes. He only found himself aimlessly heading into the banquet, deafening him yet again with applause. All eyes were on him this time and his CEO was on stage gesturing for him to come up. The many congratulations met with not a single “thank you” from Kyungsoo. Clearly, he didn’t know.

“I’m proud of you,” Yixing said as he shook Kyungsoo’s hand on stage.

 _Flash_ and the celebration was finally over. How he got through it all, he couldn’t remember. But there was a lot of Baekhyun involved and maybe a few “Who is she?” to complete the celebration. Kyungsoo only found himself by an empty table with a bottle of unopened expensive wine before him, Irene and Baekhyun engaged in a conversation with their CEO. Most people had already left and he was still catching on his breath. He took the bottle to his hand and read the label. A 1996 Domaine Leroy Richebourg Grand Cru. He was almost sure it came straight out of Jongin’s cellar.

His fingers ghosted through the label, expensive even with just the touch. Then as he turned the bottle, a small inscription, engraved in bold letters, read: DRINKS ON ME.

He abruptly got up and stormed out of the banquet, much to Irene and Baekhyun’s surprise. With a bottle on hand and his phone on the other, he found himself outside the elevator doors waiting for the person on the other side of the line to show up. “I want to share it with you,” Kyungsoo said and in a jiffy, the doors opened to Jongin, still on his phone, smiling right at Kyungsoo with the type that’s warm as home.

Kyungsoo got in the elevator and up to ‘P3’ with Jongin where they celebrated with some wine and a little taste of freedom.


	4. Chapter 4

~~~

Kyungsoo’s bow tie is loose around his collar and on his hand is his fourth glass, filled just a quarter through. He poured the same amount to the other glass, already stained with remaining droplets from the previous round. Jongin was sitting on a lounge chair, staring with his legs spread open and his buttons undone to the chest. His hair had become a bit disheveled with all the times he ran his hand through them. His eyes never left Kyungsoo. He watched Kyungsoo as he handed over the glass then stood right by the floor-to-ceiling window to stare at the sleeping city before them. He has seen such a view but never from that angle; it felt different. It was like he was on top of the world, drinking expensive wine in a penthouse suite, wearing a tuxedo. He couldn’t ask for a night more perfect than that.

“It’s my birthday.” Kyungsoo thought he only mumbled the words under his breath but the room was so quiet that Jongin heard. “Tomorrow is my birthday,” he added, leaning his forehead against the glass.

“You mean, today?” Jongin glanced at his watch, branded like everything he wore that night. “It’s past midnight.”

“Is it?” Kyungsoo laughed and took a small sip from his drink. “Happy birthday to me, then.”

“Why do you sound so sad?” Jongin asked, staring at his now empty glass. He had taken one huge gulp just before that. “You said ‘happy birthday’ but it didn’t feel happy.”

“You want me to dance?” Kyungsoo chuckled, turning towards Jongin.

“I want you to be happy.” Jongin placed his glass down on the oblique table before him. It was made from fine wood, varnished lightly so as to not change its natural colors. “I thought you’ll be happy after that promotion.”

“Oh, I am happy.” Kyungsoo slipped a free hand in his pocket and finished his glass before putting it down on a table by a small vase near the window. “I mean, after this, I will probably be able to do everything I want. I can sign a long-term lease,” he started enumerating as Jongin got up and grabbed the bottle from the bar. “I can buy a new car to replace the Sedan. I can even travel with all the free time I will probably have. Oh, Jongin, I am so happy. Well, this is the closest I’ve been to happy.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

“Tell me about it. I’m already very tired of dealing with myself,” Kyungsoo took his glass and extended it towards Jongin’s direction to ask for a refill. “I can’t blame you if you already feel that way after what… less than three months of knowing me?” Jongin poured on his glass and filled it past the quarter mark, then half. The wine started to brim on the glass before spilling all over. “That’s a waste,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly mumbled.

“It’s just wine,” Jongin said as he continued to pour the wine to the glass, letting it drip all over the floor, droplets splashing on their shoes, and at the bottom of their trousers. “I can very easily buy another one more expensive than this.”

“I don’t need to know how rich you are. I know my fortune isn’t even at the foot of yours but you don’t have to rub it on my face.”

"You just don't get me, do you?" Jongin was burning a hole on Kyungsoo's face. "I'm saying it's just money." 

" _ ’Just money’ _ is what I need."

"Then take mine."

Kyungsoo laughed, staring at the mess they were making of the wine. "Privilege reeks from every orifice of you. Jongin, you have no right to talk to me like this. We're different. For people like me, looking beyond tomorrow feels like a far off dream whereas people like you don't even care what tomorrow will bring."

“Does it make you mad?”

“I am mad,” Kyungsoo pulled the glass from under the pouring bottle before drinking up its content, spilling some on himself in the process. His lips, now stained with a purplish-red shade would have tasted like bittersweet juice. “It makes me mad that you have to fuck around with other people while I’m already finding it hard to be attracted to someone else when you’re there. But what makes this harder for me is the fact that I’ve no reason to be mad. It’s not like we’ve made anything official. Hell, you just show up every weekend, and then we hook up. We talk but never about this. Us. But you should know very well that I am not the type to fuck around and it would have been hard for me to see you with someone else. I’ve spent all these weeks pining over this ephemeral bliss you provide and I’m over it. Jongin, I don’t need this.”

Jongin took Kyungsoo’s now empty glass and placed it with the bottle back on the bar. “I know I’ve hurt you. It’s not the first time, either. And I know it seems like we’re running in circles here but Kyungsoo, I didn’t do it for fun. I didn’t even have fun fucking that whore.”

“Now, that’s just disrespectful,” Kyungsoo laughed as he turned to the view once again. “You chose to go to bed with her, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“I didn’t even finish…” Jongin leaned over the bar and sighed. “I had to do it to shut them up. We had to make it believable so they’d let me be. So I invited her over and she said—”

“No,” Kyungsoo said, sternly. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“She said, ‘Do me’,” Jongin stubbornly continued, turning to Kyungsoo. “She said, ‘Let’s give them what they want and just do me.’.”

“Stop…”

Jongin’s steps sounded louder than usual as he kept going, intimidating Kyungsoo who tried his best to ignore everything he was saying. “So I did but I stopped and neither of us even finished. Hell, I was never—not for a single second—attracted to her. Do you realize, Kyungsoo, what you’ve done to me?”

“Enough…”

“Do you?” Jongin was standing by Kyungsoo who kept his eyes pinned on the tallest building he could gaze upon. “Kyungsoo…”

Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand on his and squeezed it once.

“Kyungsoo, you’ve changed me.” Jongin placed Kyungsoo’s hand on his cheek and kissed it once, making the other turn to him with a longing gaze. “Now, I can only be with you. I can’t ever find satisfaction elsewhere because I want to be with you. My mind screams for you and my body longs for you. Kyungsoo, I need you.”

“Jongin, you know we can’t. This will keep on happening. You’d go around seeing women so you can sneak a few days with me. Maybe even just hours. And I have to hurt over and over again for that tiny little moment of freedom. I am not sure I deserve all this.” Kyungsoo’s hands reached up to fix Jongin’s hair, eyes bloodshot, and teary. “I like you, I really do. But we both have to make wise decisions and this is it.”

“No!” Jongin’s eyes begged as he stopped Kyungsoo from turning away. He cupped both Kyungsoo’s cheeks and planted a kiss on his lips. Sure enough, Kyungsoo tasted just like his favorite wine. It was sweet yet intoxicating. Bitter yet his senses were arousing. “No, Kyungsoo, stay. I’m sorry. I know this is a shitty arrangement but I can’t… I can’t be without you.”

It was hard to look away from Jongin’s tears and to turn away from his kisses. Kyungsoo found it hard for him to control himself as Jongin kissed him all over his face and neck. He couldn’t resist his touch and much as he knew that it was wrong, Kyungsoo found himself returning the kisses with quiet moans. “If we’re doing this,” he mumbled out of breath, “Let’s do it right.”

“Mmhm…” Jongin nodded as he continued to sucked on Kyungsoo’s skin, pulling the older’s body closer with an arm around the waist.

“No, you’re not listening,” Kyungsoo pushed Jongin away, lips supple with the tender kisses and eyes still brimming with tears.

“What do you want me to do?”

Kyungsoo began to unbutton Jongin’s shirt all the way through, pulling it out from being tucked in the trouser. He kisses Jongin’s chest once before looking at him with a pleading gaze. “Tell your brother.”

Jongin only stared at Kyungsoo, stunned at his request. Everything he had done in his life, his brother knew. When they were kids, they weren’t close. He looked at Junmyeon as the son of his father’s mistress. Until Junmyeon started covering up for him multiple times when he got in trouble in high school. “I hated seeing you hurt,” Junmyeon told him when he asked why his older brother did what he did. “I hated that we’re a part of your family but now that I see it, I think I know what brought us here.”

Junmyeon became the brother Jongin had always wanted. He became his guardian throughout his adolescence and now that they’re adults, their priorities had shifted. Junmyeon had many things in mind: the company, his place in their empire, and Jongin’s well-being. All the things he did, covering up for all the mess Jongin got into from then till that early morning on January 12th, he did for Jongin. He was, after all, going to be the face of the corporation. The rightful heir to the throne.

Jongin wasn’t sure how his brother would react if he did tell him about Kyungsoo. But he knew—in the society they lived in—it would be hard for him to cover up such an affair. Everybody will feel entitled to talk and to protect Kyungsoo from all those would be just as hard as keeping it a secret.

“If he’s the one who got you into this, you have to tell him.”

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin felt like that was the last time he was to ever speak of Kyungsoo’s name. With every passing second that he doesn’t answer, the further Kyungsoo was slipping away from him.

“I get it,” Kyungsoo wiped the tear running along his cheek before turning away to fix himself. “I’m sorry if I’m asking for too much. I was only trying to protect myself.” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin with a smile that seemed so real yet so final. “I’ll see you around. I know I will.” He pressed his lips on Jongin once more before pulling away.

But Jongin couldn’t let go. He held Kyungsoo in place and pushed him against the window, kissing his mouth as if it could take away all the days he was without Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo returned the kiss, in tears, in pain. It felt better like he needed that ultimatum to drive him on the edge. He reached down to hold Jongin’s growing erection before squeezing it tightly. A moan escaped his mouth as Jongin pulled away to tear his buttoned shirt undone. The buttons, flying everywhere, echoed as it hit the wooden floor.

Dropping both their coats on the floor, still wet from the spilled wine, Kyungsoo found himself giving in to Jongin’s touch. Jongin expertly undid his belt as Kyungsoo held on to his shoulder, lips staggering along Jongin’s skin. He was warm, Kyungsoo thought. So warm like he had fever and Kyungsoo felt cold with his back on the window. He held Jongin by the chin, grabbing his face with his delicate hands to capture his lips into his mouth. Biting on Jongin’s lips he moaned. Jongin had reached down to pump his throbbing cock, hard just like he was under his garments.

Kicking his trousers off, Kyungsoo pulled down each of Jongin’s clothes off of him, length springing out of his boxers. Jongin reached down to lift Kyungsoo’s leg up over his arm to slip two fingers, covered in his own saliva, right into Kyungsoo’s entrance. The room that was once quiet was filled with Kyungsoo’s moan. Jongin had touched him there, Jongin had fucked him there. But that night felt different. It must be the days they spent apart, the tension that built it up, and the fact that Joohyun could be anywhere around the building looking for him.

Just as he was stretched enough, Jongin carefully put it in Kyungsoo. The penthouse, louder with Kyungsoo’s scream. The veins on Kyungsoo’s neck popped out, each of those Jongin kissed and every trickle of sweat he licked. Sucking on Kyungsoo’s skin, he fucked Kyungsoo against the window. Jongin hoped the world could see how he’s driven insane by the man that’s on him. Every thrust, Kyungsoo replied with a moan; every pound, a cry. He held on to Jongin’s shoulder with a hand as the other pulled the younger’s hair, now wet with sweat. A line of curses escaped Kyungsoo as Jongin continued to pound him harder, better, faster. He felt every thrust deep inside him pushing his blood violently along his veins.

Jongin pulled himself out as he turned Kyungsoo to face the window. Palms flat on the glass, Kyungsoo protruded his behind to which Jongin continued to fuck him from. He was barely naked with his shirt still on, staring at the world who was quietly watching as they went on. So what if anyone saw? Kyungsoo could care less. All he felt was the rush from Jongin’s thrusts and his hands on his waist. He only mumbled “don’t stop” as he reached for his aching length. “Don’t stop, I’m close.” He cried and Jongin grumbled. His hand reached for Kyungsoo’s shirt to pull him up. Kyungsoo turned his head towards Jongin and they kissed, both moaning in between. Crying. Weeping. Sharing curses as their mouths crash, Kyungsoo held Jongin by the neck, body twisting just right to meet his.

Kyungsoo screamed as his load erupted on the glass, right at the window. Jongin followed, releasing his load inside Kyungsoo. Breathless, he mumbled as he embraced Kyungsoo from behind. “I’m gonna tell him. I’m gonna tell my brother.”

A smile traced Kyungsoo’s lips as he turned towards Jongin, pushing him towards the bed before riding and kissing Jongin as he sat on the edge of the mattress.

~~~

“We should go somewhere for a few days,” Jongin suggested as they sat across each other at a cafe near the hotel. Kyungsoo was wearing Jongin’s clothes that looked a little too big for him. He recalled saying he looked like a twink to which Jongin just laughed. They each had slices of cake on their plates, the cake seated in the middle of the table beside their iced coffee cups.

“Where to?” Kyungsoo was too focused on his cake, attempting to identify the ingredients used on it. It seemed like the typical cake but more citrusy. It did look plain with just white frosting and the words “Happy Birthday” in the middle. The candles were resting in the place of the slices they took.

“Nami?” Jongin was curiously staring at his phone, scrolling through a bunch of results after looking up the search term “Romantic Getaway”. He found a site that had a whole itinerary planned and prepared, including budget and time it took to finish each activity. He went back to the results before finding a hotel in Nami Island that piqued his curiosity. It was a popular hotel, especially for couples. The design of the place looked zen enough for them to spend the weekend at and Kyungsoo would appreciate the design of the place.

“Sure,” Kyungsoo was still busy with his cake. He squinted at the bite he was about to take but he just ended up eating it quietly anyway.

With zero hesitation, Jongin made a last-minute reservation. “Damn it,” he mumbled under his breath but Kyungsoo didn’t even lookup. Taking notice, Jongin put his phone down and frowned at Kyungsoo. “Hey, do you like that cake more than me?”

“I just think it’s too lemony,” Kyungsoo said.

“Is it bad?” Jongin took a bite but he just couldn’t understand what Kyungsoo wanted to say. “It tastes good…”

“No, it’s lemony. More lemony than it should be."

“So, do you hate it?”

“No,” Kyungsoo proceeded to finish his slice. “I just thought it shouldn’t be this lemony.”

“I don’t understand…” Jongin shook his head and was about to go to his phone when Kyungsoo got up from his seat. “Hey, you’re leaving?”

“I need to do something.” Kyungsoo forcibly took off Jongin’s hand from his wrist. “If you don’t let me do this, I’m not going to Nami Island with you.”

Helplessly, Jongin remained on his seat. “Can’t you do it after the trip?” Kyungsoo sighed at the question and messed Jongin’s hair instead.

“Do me a favor and bring this cake for me. Just text me where to meet you.” Kyungsoo took the coat Jongin lent him before stepping out of the cafe. In the cab he hailed, he sent a message to meet Joohyun where they first had their date. “Let’s have lunch,” he said and Joohyun just replied with an “okay”.

He felt nervous, sitting in that cab. His hands were shaking as he took the menu from the host but it was better than having to delay it and live with his conscience bothering him for the next few days. While he had not been true to her, he wasn’t sure what she entirely felt for him. He suddenly wished he wasn’t that nice to her or that he didn’t invite her to the party. There were so many things he wished he had and had not done but it was too damn late for those. He should just put it out there, he thought. All the while that he was waiting for her, he had the dialogue playing through his head.

But, damn, none of it was easy.

Sitting across Joohyun during lunch, he was completely mute. He couldn’t even dare answer why he left like that last night. “What happened?” Joohyun asked him and he was just staring at her as a response. “Kyungsoo, are you okay? Is everything okay?” He wanted to say yes, everything was fine. Everything was perfect, in fact. Well, almost. He just needed to end it with Joohyun then everything would be perfect. He was finally officially in a committed relationship with the guy he liked. He wanted to smile and show her how happy he was but he couldn’t. “I want to understand you but you’re not letting me. Maye if you could just sp—”

“You don’t have to,” Kyungsoo mumbled, silencing Joohyun. His heart raced with those words alone but he looked up at her, hands trembling on his lap. “You don’t have to understand.”

“What…?” Joohyun whispered. It felt more like a small gasp than a word.

“I tried to…” Kyungsoo paused before reaching over the glass of cold water in front of him and gulping it down to the last drop. With a deep breath, he looked up at her. “I tried to like you. I think you’re smart, pretty, and really, really nice.”

Joohyun just stared as if she already knew what was coming. It wasn’t that hard to piece together Kyungsoo’s words and actions. But for the sake of it, she let him talk.

“But… I just can’t get myself to like you. I can’t keep forcing myself. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. I simply can’t.”

“Who’s forcing you?” Joohyun took a sip on her glass. “Kyungsoo, since day one, you’ve been walking on eggshells around me. It’s like you’ve decided you’ll build a wall between you and me and thank goodness you did. You’re not very difficult to adore. You’re a smart gentleman with all the traits a woman is looking for. For a husband. For a boyfriend. For a friend. Have you not built that wall, I would have been head over heels for you. So, thanks. I guess...”

“Joohyun…”

“Hey, listen to me,” Joohyun flashed a reassuring smile. “I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope you become truer to yourself and with everyone else. You’re a successful man and there are only great things waiting ahead of you.”

Just like that, Joohyun left. With a smile. He remembered their first date when she laughed at his awkward gestures and smiled through his boring stories. Joohyun was better off with someone else, he thought to himself. Maybe if he liked girls he’d have fallen for her at first sight but it wasn’t like that. He couldn’t say if it was a bad thing but a rush of relief just left him speechless for half an hour, sitting on that chair. He dated a few times in college but none of which came to such a conclusive end. All “feelings” just went away, quietly. Next thing he knew, he was seeing someone else. So he felt that the greatest gift he could give himself was not a promotion. It wasn’t even Jongin. It was the realization of how much he grew through the years. He was finally able to speak and say where and when it ends. No more delaying it.

~~~

Kyungsoo liked to believe that this was the happy ending he deserved. He didn’t want another chapter to open. He wanted the book to end right then and there. If he had a choice not to leave Nami Island, he would, too. At that moment, he felt untouchable. Maybe that’s what it really felt like to be happy. It felt like everything fell into place. He couldn’t believe all the tears he shed to get there but every single drop was worth it. Through the night, he held Jongin and in the morning, it was soft kisses that greeted him. It couldn’t get any better than that.

But you know what they say when you’re at the top. The only way to go was down.

He felt like he crashed right at the bottom with Junmyeon standing by the door of the small room they rented in Nami Island. He wore the same smile at the party. He seemed like a people-pleaser yet it felt like he didn’t care if he displeased Kyungsoo at all. He couldn’t quite grasp the words Junmyeon was saying. It felt like he cared about Jongin; it felt like he didn’t. He sounded like the whole thing was a blessing, yet at the same time, his tone made him feel otherwise. He couldn’t pinpoint which word sounded right and how his whole thought felt so wrong.

Kyungsoo felt like he was backing down with every smile that Junmyeon flashed at him. He could have meant well but he just couldn’t say it. He couldn’t defend himself or say anything back. He just stood there quietly, slowly being pushed out of the picture.

“I hope you understand,” Junmyeon said. “I’ll be coming back and I hope when I do, I wouldn’t have to see you.” Kyungsoo sat in silence when he disappeared, pondering over the words Junmyeon told him, attempting to grasp the idea that was implanted onto him. Maybe Junmyeon was right. After all, he knew Jongin better than Kyungsoo did. 


	5. Chapter 5

~~~

Junmyeon knew exactly where to stand the moment he stepped into Kims’ Residence. The head of the family greeted them with a warm embrace and a kiss on the cheek as his son watched from the stairs, peeking between the railings of it. He wasn’t old enough to understand how adults do their business but he sure was human enough to understand the situation he was in.

With his father dying early on in his life, Junmyeon decided he didn’t need anyone to fill the role for him to become at least a decent human being; not even his mother who had forgotten about her son the moment she inherited most of their company’s stocks. Throughout his childhood as a boy with no parental figure guiding him, Junmyeon felt empathy for the boy who had just recently lost a mother and had—effectively, on that day—lost a father as well.

The marriage swooped the industry as two urban development companies merged to become the biggest player in the industry; thus, the birth of C&C. Junmyeon was just a child as well and, at the time, the only responsibility he had was to do well in school and not cause any trouble. He understood that much but Jongin clearly had his own way of dealing with changes and loss.

Jumyeon watched as their father hit Jongin with a golf club for skipping school and getting caught smoking. He watched as Jongin got locked up after getting caught in between school feuds. He was there when Jongin ran away and he sure was there when he was dragged back home with a barely recognizable face, a broken rib, and $8,000 in debt. Jongin was 17 at the time and Junmyeon was 20, only beginning his life as an adult in a prestigious university.

Jongin’s debt would have caused him to be buried alive but Junmyeon decided he’s not going to lose family yet again. It took him weeks and a good beating he excused as an accident to pay Jongin debts. But none of those, he regretted. If anything, he believed he did the right thing or else Jongin wouldn’t be who he had become.

“Why did you do that?” Jongin asked him as they shared breakfast in an empty dining hall. “Why do you keep meddling with my stuff?”

“I hated seeing you hurt,” Junmyeon told him with a cup of coffee on the side. “I’ve lived most of my life being the perfect son but I never got any recognition from it. Watching you waste yours and only get hurt from it made me realize there’s no point in trying to catch their attention. Unfortunately for us, we’re stuck in the shadow of our parents’ mistakes and successes. I hated that we’re a part of your family but now that I see it, I think I know what brought us here.”

“Don’t try to teach me to be good,” Jongin told him as he attempted to leave the banquet.

“I’m not trying to teach you to be good,” Junmyeon stopped him on his tracks. “I’m saying we don’t need to suffer like this anymore.”

From that day on, Jongin began to heal with Junmyeon guiding him through the changes that needed to be made and getting him out of the consequences of the decision they made together. It wasn’t too long until Jongin called him his “brother”. Since then, what his father thought never mattered to him anymore. It was only Junmyeon’s opinions that did.

So when Junmyeon told him to try to date, he did. Every girl Junmyeon introduced, he went out with. Every attempt to get him into a relationship, he gladly entertained. But he said it every time: none of the girls he ever saw made him happy. Every attraction he felt? Physical. He never once thought of having them beyond that. Yet, given how open he was to his brother, Jongin still felt nervous having to tell him the truth about who he was, who he loved, and who intended himself to be. But he would understand, he thought. He should be able to understand.

“Going somewhere?” Junmyeon asked as he stood by Jongin’s door watching as his brother packed a bunch of clothes in a carrier.

“Hey,” Jongin smiled, clearly excited. He skipped when he walked and danced with the song playing through his speakers.

“That’s a lot of clothes. How long will you be gone?” Junmyeon welcomed himself in the room as he sat on the bed where the branded carrier was resting. His hands immediately helped, messily folding clothes to fit them in the bag. A for effort.

“I’ll be back on the 15th.” Jongin raised two coats and asked Junmyeon to pick. He chose the printed maroon wool coat. “Maybe early in the morning, too.”

“You’re spending your birthday away?” If there was any occasion Junmyeon and Jongin always celebrated together, it was both their birthdays. They liked to ask the helpers to prepare a little something, feasting on it together. It didn’t matter if their parents weren’t there. They sent gifts and perhaps it was enough. It’s weirder to have them around. At least with the house helpers, they felt like a family.

“Just this once, hm?” Jongin looked at him with pleading eyes and he couldn’t dare say no.

“Where are you going anyway?” Junmyeon got up to grab a scarf from Jongin’s closet. It was one he bought for Jongin a few days back. No occasion. He just thought Jongin would like it.

“Nami Island.” Jongin grinned at him as he grabbed the scarf and Junmyeon raised an eyebrow.

“So, is everything going well with you and Soojung?”

The shift in Jongin’s expression was too evident for Junmyeon to ignore.

“Oh… There’s someone else?”

Jongin smiled before holding Junmyeon by the shoulders and guiding him to sit on the lounge chair near the bed. “I met someone. Last year, at a party.”

“And you didn’t tell me then because?” Junmyeon was relaxed on the chair. He had anticipation in his eyes. Jongin was only this happy when he got into Yonsei and when his first development project was approved by the board.

“Because I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“Oh, come on, Jongin. This is me we’re talking about. I’ve always supported you, no matter what.”

Jongin nodded, reassured, and confident. There was no way Junmyeon would react negatively. He had seen Junmyeon hang out with friends of the third sex as well. It shouldn’t be bad at all. “Okay,” Jongin sat across Junmyeon who was all ears. “I’m seeing someone really nice,” he began. “An architect. Not from an affluent family but very independent and holds a pretty high position in the firm.”

“That’s nice. Tell me more?”

“Well…” The more he revealed, the harder it was for him to tell the truth. “Do you remember the architect for the Gyeonggi dev project?”

Junmyeon looked away and, of course, he could not forget the person who did that design. He loved every detail of it. But the more he remembered of him, the more he realized of the situation. He looked up at Jongin who remained all-smiles.

“I’m seeing him. Do Kyungsoo. It’s him.”

For a moment Junmyeon’s mind was blank then a sudden rush of thoughts overwhelmed him. Jongin was gay? Jongin liked men? Jongin, his brother who couldn’t settle down with a girl, apparently liked boys. But a quiet “what” was all he could manage through it all. “The architect. Do Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon nodded. “You’re saying… You’re...”

“Yes, I’m seeing a guy.” Junmyeon nodded at his reply and remained quiet for a minute or two. The more Junmyeon didn’t talk, the more Jongin’s voice changed. “But he’s a good guy and he’s smart. He’s nice, I tell you.” He was starting to get nervous when Junmyeon got up and paced back and forth before him. “B-But… I’m still me. I’m still your bro—”

Junmyeon raised a hand to stop Jongin from talking. “I’m sorry…” He took a deep breath and turned to Jongin with a calm smile. “I’m sorry, I reacted this way. It’s all sudden, that’s all.”

“I swear, Junmyeon, this wouldn’t change anything.”

Junmyeon nodded and reached down to squeeze Jongin’s shoulder. “Yeah, it shouldn’t. You take care, okay?” With a smile, Junmyeon was out of the door, dazed, as Jongin remained on his seat, confused.

~~~

It was cold when they set foot on Nami Island. The ferry ride made Jongin a bit seasick and he wished there was another way to get there but it seemed to be the only option especially with the last minute bookings he did. Kyungsoo held him close by the waist as they headed towards a cafe just a few steps from the dock. Jongin was pale and quiet as they sat together with hot cups of tea on their hands. “Why did you choose to go here if you get seasick easily?” Kyungsoo pressed his palm against Jongin’s forehead to check his temperature but it was no use. He wouldn’t be able to tell because of how cold his own hands were.

“Let’s get settled, hm? Give me your phone.”

Jongin obediently handed his phone. He didn’t want to look like a weakling next to Kyungsoo but it was hard to think when he felt like he was still floating even as he sat on a sturdy seat. “I’m sorry…” Jongin managed. “This was supposed to be... a smooth... “

“Shh…” Kyungsoo hushed him as he held the phone against Jongin’s face to unlock the phone. Luckily, his phone still identified him even with the frown and the jagged brows. “Finish your tea and let’s get to the hotel so you can rest.”

Jongin shook his head.

“What?” Kyungsoo sounded like he was exasperated but he just didn’t know how to sound like he cared. He wanted Jongin to rest on a bed as it could be the only cure. “Look you need to…”

“I’m sorry…” Jongin reached out to hold Kyungsoo’s hands that were both on the phone. “I wanted this to be perfect.”

“No last-minute plans can be perfect.”

“I should have planned this…” Jongin’s voice had become raspy and he could use a nice long slumber. Kyungsoo stared at him as he attempted to finish his tea but only managed to drink half before shuddering, probably at the bitter taste left in his mouth. “I can’t…” he managed and Kyungsoo nodded squeezing his hand. "We’ll do a lot of great things tomorrow, hm?"

Jongin nodded before warily heading towards the hotel, asking taxi drivers to be cautious when driving and getting some menthol candies in exchange. Jongin snuggled up to Kyungsoo for 10 minutes in that cab and he wanted to be comfortable but not with the way the driver took a peek at them through the rearview mirror multiple times. After throwing in a tip with the fare, Kyungsoo guided Jongin out of the cab and to the reception where the staff immediately looked worried by the way Jongin looked.

“Seasick,” Kyungsoo smiled at the staff who helped Jongin sit on one of the lounge chairs. “I’d like to check-in.” Presenting Jongin’s reservation confirmation, the staff was quick to guide them to their room. At the most expensive room in an adorable hotel, they stayed. The rooms were painted like old canvases. The oriental drawings were all over and the stillness they found outside their window was calming. Resting Jongin on the bed, Kyungsoo got rid of everything that would hinder his rest. His padded jacket, gone. The scarf? Neatly folded on the side. “Stay…” Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s arm to lay next to him and he did so with no hesitation.

He still liked to believe that it was the best birthday ever. He admired the way Jongin twitched in his sleep and how he looked like a child who dropped a lollipop when he frowned. Kyungsoo didn’t have that view then and how he wished he had—on the days he spent alone on his birthday and moments when Baekhyun was all he had to celebrate with.

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” Jongin mumbled as he slowly opened his eyes and Kyungsoo almost immediately jumped but Jongin pulled him back on the bed, falling on top of the other. “No, stay. I feel better.”

“Don’t throw up on the sheets,” Kyungsoo blinked. “Or me.”

Jongin held him in his arms, embracing him like a little plushie. “I think I liked you in the padded jacket more.”

“I looked like a cocoon.”

“You’re gonna be a butterfly!” Jongin smiled and peeked down at him. It was only then that he realized that the night had fallen too deep as he spotted the window on his peripherals. His smile turned upside down. “I’m sorry. We were supposed to go out and have dinner.”

“Let’s order in,” Kyungsoo smiled, resting his head on Jongin’s chest. The two fell quiet, both of them staring at the open window, watching as the snow fell quietly outside. “It’s so weird to be warm when it’s freezing outside.”

Jongin peeked at Kyungsoo, hand brushing through Kyungsoo’s sharp hair strands. “I told my brother.”

Looking up at Jongin, Kyungsoo’s eyes were at their widest. _Already?_ He was a little shocked that Jongin did it so quickly and that he need not nag the other to do so.

“He… took it well, I guess.” Jongin shrugged.

“You guess?” Kyungsoo sat up on Jongin’s thighs and as if they were magnets, Jongin sat up as well. “What do you mean you guess?”

“He said…” Jongin cleared his throat before putting a hand over Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “ _‘You take care, okay?’_ and then smiled.”

“That was it?” Kyungsoo was more perplexed than he should be.

“I mean, he was taken aback of course but he didn’t react negatively. He just sat there and processed it quietly.”

“Jongin…”

“Look,” Jongin cupped Kyungsoo’s face and smiled. “Junmyeon has gay friends too. He’s cool with it. I can tell. I know him. Maybe he was just shocked and didn’t know what to tell but he’ll realize how much you make me happy and everything will be okay.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t get the worry off of his face even as Jongin kissed him. Damn, his lips were dry and chapped but his smile was warm.

“We’ll be fine.”

He wanted to rest that night. He wanted to hold Jongin but with the situation and the anxiety of not knowing how Junmyeon felt about their relationship kept him from doing so. He laid there sleepless and quietly watching as Jongin slumbered after a filling room service dinner. They even changed into pajamas. It's not that bad of a way to cap the night off. Only his 12th and 13th seemed like one whole day.

When Kyungsoo fell asleep, the sun was already up.

Jongin wasn’t even able to wake him with kisses. He just slept on his side, neatly tucked under the blanket, his glasses folded neatly on the nightstand. Kyungsoo always slept so peacefully and the last thing he wanted to do was disturb him. Instead, he got up and hopped in the shower.

 _“The cake is postponed to the 15th!”_ Junmyeon messaged Jongin while he took a bath to which Jongin hastily replied with a laughing emoji. That one message reassured Jongin and he couldn’t wait to tell Kyungsoo. Somehow, he felt safe under the guardianship of his brother and with Kyungsoo right where he wanted him to be. There was no way anything could go wrong.

After taking a brisk shower, Jongin took the liberty to buy Kyungsoo all the greatest food he could get on the island. It was winter and that always meant rare seafood for him. So with a note tucked under Kyungsoo’s glasses, he left for the market. Has he ever been to one? Not really but he was just that willing to take on an adventure alone to provide Kyungsoo the kind of experience he promised.

_“I’m at the market. Wait for me?”_

Kyungsoo smiled soon as he saw the message and when he got up, he immediately went on to make the bed and clean up the table, still messy with last night’s leftovers and dirty dishes. After calling room service to clean up the dishes, he was mostly idle for the rest of the day. Even TV bored him to death. None of the channels showed a cooking show or anything interesting at noon. There was a documentary on cable but he couldn’t focus. A part of him wanted to follow Jongin to the market, a part of him didn’t. But he wore his windbreaker anyway. He contemplated even as he headed right for the door. He cheered when a knock came through.

“Did you forget your key—” Kyungsoo swung the door open and he wished it was Jongin he saw. His last word fell to a diminuendo. It was Junmyeon, warm with his hands tucked in the pockets of his coat, a scarf wrapped around his neck, and a smile that somehow sent shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine.

“Kyungsoo, right?” he grinned, and just by the way he stood there, it was impossible for Kyungsoo not to crumble and give way for Junmyeon to come into the room. “Hey, come on. I don’t bite.” Junmyeon laughed as Kyungsoo shut the door behind him. “I’m sure you know me?”

Kyungsoo could only nod and Junmyeon didn’t even look. Instead, he walked around the room like it was a property on sale. He could buy it right then and there. What does Kyungsoo know?

“I’m Jongin’s brother. President of the company and—well—a stand-in parent, if I may.” He turned to Kyungsoo briefly before peeking at what Kyungsoo was watching. “Ah, that’s a rerun. Not a good documentary. Got me hooked with the editing too.” Junmyeon grabbed the remote and hit the power button. Then it was incredibly cold and silent in the room.

“Jongin went out….” Kyungsoo could only manage as he stood on a corner. Junmyeon was peeking through the window. He didn’t seem interested in what he was looking at but he stayed there for a while.

“I know. I just got off the phone with him. Just before I knocked.” Junmyeon’s smile was gone but he was still looking out. “He said it will take about 40 minutes for his food to be cooked. A lot of people in the market today.”

Kyungsoo didn’t have an answer to that. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thank you.” Junmyeon looked at him and smiled before turning back to the window. “Man, it’s a nice view you guys have here.”

There was no view. Just plants outside, and a small artificial pond. Kyungsoo was beginning to sweat but he couldn’t make a single move to remove his jacket. It wasn’t even hot.

“How did you guys manage to get this at peak season?” He looked at Kyungsoo and smiled again, waiting for an answer. He was beginning to think Junmyeon wasn’t there for a good reason. “My brother got it, didn’t he? This place is quite expensive, I heard.” Sitting on a lounge chair, he crossed his legs, then his arms. Now Kyungsoo felt like a shit show in front of Junmyeon. No reason. Just with the way Junmyeon stared and eyed him from head to toe so slowly he felt like throwing up. “His friend owns the place though. So it doesn’t matter. He’ll get any room he wants even if it inconveniences other travelers.”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something but he couldn’t get a single word out.

“Look, I don’t have 40 minutes to spare like Jongin does—for now. So I would just go straight to the point.” Junmyeon gestured a hand over Kyungsoo before snapping his fingers. “Architect Do,” he began. “I don’t like this.”

 _“There it is,”_ Kyungsoo thought.

“Oh, no! Don’t get me wrong!” Junmyeon immediately got up as if Kyungsoo was about to say some unkind rebuttal. “I don’t have a problem with your relationship with my brother. I am fine with it as long as Jongin is happy.” Junmyeon shrugged. “What can I do? It’s not like I can force him to change. At that age? After _all_ that he’s been through? He’s got this all figured out.” He laughed and started pacing around the room. He didn’t look bad at all. He just seemed like he was genuinely worried about something. Something even Kyungsoo couldn’t point out himself.

“I’m just not sure where, when, or _how_ this happened. But I will attempt, okay? Tell me if I’m wrong.” Junmyeon faced Kyungsoo and lifted his hand, lifting a finger with every point he raised. “You met my brother at Chanyeol’s party,” he started counting. “You pitched him your idea about the Gyeonggi development. Seduced him at the winery in Gyeongsang. Got him to sign with your firm. You worked on the project together while simultaneously _fucking_ my brother. Then, you earned your promotion.”

Kyungsoo was shaking his head the whole time, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. He got the most important parts wrong and he wanted to scream he was wrong.

“And _now,_ you’re asking _my_ brother to ask _me_ to bless this relationship so you can keep fucking him. What for? So _your_ firm can continuously _milk my company_ with projects and therefore build your career further in the industry.”

Kyungsoo had sunken down on his heels hearing Junmyeon talk. “That’s not true,” was all he could manage. “That’s not true,” he said again as he walked away from the corner he was in. But he didn’t know where to stand or what to say. Where should he even begin? His terrible childhood? The party? The incident at Gyeongsang? Jongin’s issues? Both _their_ issues? He just stood in the middle of the room like a complete idiot, lost and mute.

“You’re a great architect,” Junmyeon turned to him, slipping his hands in his pockets again. “Your work was _superb_ , I give you that. But if you’re going to use my brother, make sure I won’t see him get hurt. Not even a tiny bit.”

“I’m not using him…”

“Then what?” Junmyeon walked over to Kyungsoo and faced him. “Weren’t you dating someone? The girl you brought at the party? Don’t you like girls?” Junmyeon sighed and looked away. “Look, it’s _no use_ trying to level with you. So, I’ll tell you this.” He fixed Kyungsoo’s jacket before squeezing his shoulder once. “You’re only going to make it bad for Jongin. He’s _really_ powerful but no one will recognize that power if he had someone like you holding him back. So, remove yourself…” Junmyeon grinned at him. “Or be removed.”

As Junmyeon began to walk away, Kyungsoo felt like ice being thawed. He was cold yet he was so hot. He was sweating but remained frozen in his position. When he didn’t hear the door, he slowly turned with Junmyeon chuckling.

He seemed like he was enjoying the view. “Oh, and one more thing.”

Kyungsoo darted his eyes on the floor, holding back tears that were already streaming like a waterfall from his eyes.

“We have a new lead on his mom. I think he needs to know that.”

Confused, Kyungsoo just looked at him.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Junmyeon clapped his hands as he laughed. “Oh, fantastic! Storytime.” He sat back on his chair and leaned over his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped together. “Why do you think Jongin is working _so hard_ in the company, knowing very well he hates it? Any guesses?”

Kyungsoo was silent.

“It’s because he _wanted_ the position. He wanted _that_ throne and everything that entails it—the money, the reputation, the success, _the name_. But not for himself, of course. He wanted to avenge his mother. I can’t blame him since they kept her out of his life soon as my father died. They just _killed_ her off. There’s even a death certificate. Can you _believe_ the measures they took to make sure Jongin wouldn’t know she’s alive?”

“Anyway, lucky for Jongin, he has me. I’m the one who traced _every single one_ of his mother’s final footsteps. You can guess what I learned. When I told him about her, he wanted to see her so bad he practically begged me. _‘Junmyeon, take me to her. Junmyeon, let’s leave and live a quiet life with her.’_ Jongin was desperate to get out of that stupid household. He was _so_ desperate to be with his mother who he had longed for, _for years_. And I was just as desperate to ruin everything for my mom and his dad. So, our pact begins.”

“You think Jongin did whatever it is I made him do because I threatened him? Do you think I force him into anything he’s doing right now? You really think so? _Me?_ His beloved brother? Kyungsoo, I don’t have time to fuck with that kind of drama. What I want and what he wants is _revenge_.”

“We are going to take everything away from them. _All of it._ And give it to the rightful owner that is Jongin’s mom. Once that’s final, we’ll live our own lives, _happily_ —sans his dad and my mom, of course. But that’s the idea. We’re going to lead the empire and have it turn against our parents.”

“Everything Jongin does now is for our plan to come to fruition. He decides whether or not he’ll do the steps I lay out for him to do. If it doesn’t work out, oh well,” Junmyeon shrugged. “If it did, then great! He’s not a child. He makes his own judgments. That’s why we’re here today, right? Now, you’re not part of the plan but I can’t make Jongin leave you if he’s already decided to be with you. If anybody—and I mean _any single soul_ —finds out that Jongin is… in _cahoots_ with an architect, then everything will be ruined. His father is worse of an enemy than I am. You wouldn’t want to go up against him, do you?”

Kyungsoo sniffled, wiping his eyes with his wrist like a child. “You want me…”

“To leave him, yes! You get it!” Junmyeon got up and walked towards Kyungsoo to pat his head. “Look, I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news but I think you guys are not meant to be. I’m sure you’ll find someone else. It’s a huge industry. I heard the son of SME is pretty cute. Maybe try meeting him, too.”

Kyungsoo glared up at Junmyeon who just patted his cheeks a few times before walking away. “I hope you understand,” Junmyeon said, standing by the door. “I’ll be coming back and I hope when I _do_ , I wouldn’t have to see you.”

Soon as the door clicked, Kyungsoo was on the floor weeping like a child, hand over his mouth to muffle his cries. He sank there not knowing when to get up and go. At half about past noon, Kyungsoo had already made a decision.


	6. Chapter 6

~~~

“₩50,000!” Jongin raised his hand at the old lady in the attempt to bargain his way through his constant dilemma of not having enough cash. “Please, hmm?” If Jongin wasn’t good looking he would have been able to bargain that much for fresh seafood. But, thankfully, he was an expert when it comes to those kinds of things. He was, after all, a businessman. He had bargained his way through a lot of deals and even won the finest bottles in his collection through his charisma (and money, of course). Once his goal was set, he would do everything to get there. Even if it meant having to deal with old men and women to get his seafood of choice.

Jongin dashed his way to the crowded kitchen area where most patrons ask to have their freshly caught seafood cooked. Typically, it would take more than an hour with the number of people in the market that day but Jongin knew exactly what to say to push his way through the queue.

“It’s for my wife,” he said and held up his hand that had a ring on. It wasn’t a couple’s ring. He just liked wearing it. It was Junmyeon’s gift too. “She’s pregnant. She’d kill me if I don’t get back to her as soon as possible.” Ultimately, he won the heart of the cook pushing his order up before a few other patrons.

“Okay, but 40 minutes is the best we can do. We’re already doing so much. It’s peak season, son,” the old man tells him and he claps his hands in glee.

“Thank you, sir!” Jongin kept on bowing that even when his phone rang, he remained stooped. “Hello?” He answered without even checking who it was.

 _“How’s your trip?”_ It was Junmyeon on the other line.

“Junmyeon!” He exclaimed and stepped away from the crowd for some space. “Why did you call? Do you miss me already?”

 _“Stupid,”_ Junmyeon laughed. _“I was just going to ask if you’re doing well. Nami Island is not usually your cup of tea. I don’t know why you decided to go there. There should be a lot of people there right now.”_

“Oh! How did you know? You went here with someone, didn’t you?” He wished Junmyeon saw the teasing smile he was wearing. “I bet it was when you were in college.” His tone was prying but Junmyeon only laughed.

 _“High school,”_ Junmyeon chuckled. _“Anyway, are you okay there?”_

Jongin hummed, slipping a free hand into his pocket. He was swaying back and forth, looking around him. “I’m okay. There’s a lot of people but I really like it.” With a deep breath, he looked to the view before him. The sky was a lot bluer than he’d imagined it would be and it met somewhere with the sea that looked dark and still. Closer to him, the area was busy—families, friends, and couples all snuggled up together and they didn’t seem to have anything in mind but whatever it was that was happening at that moment. “I’m really happy, Junmyeon. I know I go on a lot of trips with friends but this… This is different. I don’t want it to end.”

_“Not coming home?”_

“I am! I’m just saying it’s nice to be here.”

_“Where are you? Not with Kyungsoo? Aren’t I getting in the way of your time together?”_

“He’s back at the hotel. I’m at the market getting us lunch. I got so seasick yesterday that I only slept through most of his birthday. I’m trying to make it up to him for taking care of me.”

_“You? At the market?”_

“Well, it is cramped but nothing I’ve never experienced before. The food is taking a while though. I wonder if he’s awake...” Jongin took a peek at his watch, tucked under the sleeves of his layered jackets before shaking his head. “The guy said it will take 40 minutes to cook our lunch.”

 _“Grab something to snack on while you wait, hm?”_ Junmyeon replied. _“I’ll see you soon?”_

“Mm! See you!” Jongin remained excited even at the end of the call. He liked the feeling of taking care of Kyungsoo as much as he liked being taken care of. The only time he felt like he was being taken care of was when Junmyeon made spontaneous calls like that or when he would text just to see if he had eaten all three meals of the day. He felt invincible having those people by his side. He didn’t like to compare it to boats but it did somehow feel like he was on an unsinkable ship. The waters beyond the ship were of great danger but where he stood was a safe haven.

It took exactly 47 minutes to have his food prepped. The cook personally handed the stacked containers with the freshly cooked food in it. “I added some side dishes as an apology. The crab took longer than expected.” He was more grateful than relieved that the food finally came. He bowed deeply before heading back to the hotel. He skipped and held the bag of containers with one hand while the other supported it underneath just in case it broke. He also thanked the guy who held the door for him by the entrance.

“I’m here!” He was almost so sure that Kyungsoo was awake already. He couldn’t have slept in that long. He probably woke up soon as he left so he just barged in the room without any warning. But nobody answered. “Kyungsoo,” he put the food down on the table near the bed and took his jacket off, tossing it on a chair. The bed was made. He supposed he was in the bathroom.

“Kyungsoo?” He knocked on the bathroom and tried the doorknob. It was open.

Pushing the door, he couldn’t find Kyungsoo inside. But that didn’t even raise his suspicion, instead, he scoured strategic areas for a note—tables, doors, even the fridge—but all he found was his own note. Grabbing his phone, he looked out the barren view from the window dialing his number.

The line was busy. He tried it again. The line was still busy. And another try.

_The number you’ve dialed is unattended._

It felt like a jolt as he turned his head. He didn’t want to believe it when he noticed that his shoes were gone but it really hit him as soon as he opened the closet. Only his bag was left inside. It was like Kyungsoo vanished on thin air. It was like he was never even there. God, he wished he could smell Kyungsoo’s cologne but even his scent was gone. Not a single strand of hair on the pillows. It was swept clean of his presence and he had never felt more abandoned.

Jongin rushed to the reception and asked if they saw him leave. “Your company left a few minutes—” the concierge said and he didn’t even let her finish when he ran outside to the shivering cold without his windbreaker. He ran and his face hurt from the cold. His hand froze and he couldn’t dial properly. Jongin hailed a cab to take him to the ferry.

On the backseat of the car, he tried to hold his tears back. The top of his throat hurt and his hand felt numb from the many attempts at dialing Kyungsoo’s number. But he still couldn’t even make the damn line ring. Stumbling out of the cab, he immediately headed towards the waiting area and tried his best to understand the words and the numbers on the screen that changed displays every once in a while. He couldn’t even get himself to analyze time.

“Fuck,” he exclaimed at himself and pushed through crowds. Families, lovers, friends—somehow, everyone is with someone. Except for him. He was alone and in panic, searching for the man who held him just the night before, who he kissed on the forehead just a few hours ago. He couldn’t understand what he did or if he even did anything. Was it part of an elaborate plan? Kyungsoo couldn’t be that evil. He simply can’t look at Kyungsoo in such a bad light. It was impossible. Then, there it went.

His heart sank and his hand dropped from holding his phone by his ear soon as he saw a boat leave the docks. He couldn’t even get himself to stop it. He just stood there and watched.

The question of why enveloped him hours later when he found himself back at the hotel, staring at the containers of cold seafood dishes. He was still attempting to dial Kyungsoo as he sat on the couch. He felt like a robot. Dial. Listen. Dial. Listen. Dial. Listen. If there was anything to stare at that reminded him if Kyungsoo was there, he would have held it in his arms. But there wasn’t any remnant of Kyungsoo and it almost felt like a dream: arriving sick in the hotel, Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around his frail body. He thought maybe he imagined their little conversations in between sleep, too. He could be that delusional. He could possibly be drunk.

Perhaps, it was that moment that felt like a dream. But it didn’t feel like it whenever he tried to wake up. His heart sank to his stomach. He felt like throwing up. Kyungsoo wasn’t there, not because he was never there. Kyungsoo wasn’t there because he left. Gone.

Jongin wanted answers to why Kyungsoo left, without a word. He wanted to know why he would even do such a thing. Because Kyungsoo would kill for an answer himself. He would never leave anything on loose ends. Not when everything felt right. Jongin wanted answers so bad that when his phone rang he didn’t even look and went straight to answer it.

“Kyungsoo?!”

_“Jongin?”_

“Jun…” He cleared his throat. “Junmyeon.”

_“You okay? Why are you looking for Kyungsoo?”_

He shook his head as if Junmyeon could see and right then and there, he began to weep.

 _“Jongin…”_ was all Junmyeon could say before he fell silent for a good couple of minutes. _“Tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you.”_

~~~

“Don’t go anywhere. I’m picking you up.” That’s what Baekhyun said just a second before hanging up on Kyungsoo who so desperately called him soon as he set foot back in the city. He sat in the waiting area where people were getting fewer by the hour. He wanted to go back home and rest but he was afraid of what he would do or what would happen if he returned so easily to his safest haven. He would rather have someone around him who would keep him sane through all that ordeal. Kyungsoo decided it was only Baekhyun who could do that. So he reached for his phone and dialed his number. It didn’t take long for Baekhyun to answer and he wished he explained everything but he just stayed silent, breathing on the other line. He could only whisper where he was and then Baekhyun hung up.

It took him longer than expected to get there but Kyungsoo was patient and he didn’t know who else to call anyway. Before Baekhyun took his bags, he placed a hand over Kyungsoo’s shoulder and squeezed it once. Kyungsoo looked away, hiding his bloodshot eyes. Then he grabbed Kyungsoo’s only bag—a duffel—and then led the way to his car. He brought the Volvo this time. Kyungsoo was so disoriented that Baekhyun had to open the door to the passenger’s seat and strap the seatbelt for him. He didn’t ask a question. He just handed a bottle of water to Kyungsoo who then gulped it right down to the last drop.

The drive was quiet and Kyungsoo just stared outside, mostly. Even playing songs felt disrespectful for Baekhyun so he kept the stereo off the whole time. Stuck in mild traffic, Baekhyun glanced at Kyungsoo from time to time. He wished he knew what was happening but he couldn’t even find the right words to describe Kyungsoo anymore. All the time when he was sure he knew Kyungsoo down to the core, Kyungsoo always proved him wrong.

When they reached Baekhyun’s place, Kyungsoo went for his bag before Baekhyun could. “Come on, man. I can do this.” He assured Baekhyun but he still couldn’t look his best friend in the eyes. Baekhyun led the way to the elevator to his suite. Kyungsoo put down his bag and headed for the sofa. He had never felt more at home in Baekhyun’s place. It had always intimidated him but at that moment, he just fell on the sophisticated seating and looked down where his socks brushed against the faux fur carpet.

“I couldn’t prepare the room; I was in a rush,” Baekhyun placed a cup of hot tea on the table in front of Kyungsoo then sat beside him. “It’s not messy but it does smell like an old closet. Or something,” he looked down. “I can set up some candles to get rid of that smell but you hate candles. You said the smoke always bothered you. Or the diffuser. I can move that one in the room,” he said pointing at the one that greeted visitors by the entrance of his home. Kyungsoo remained quiet and Baekhyun had run out of things to offer.

“I’m sorry for bugging you,” Kyungsoo spoke. His voice broke in the middle of the sentence and his eyes wandered trying to suppress his tears but it was getting harder and his throat was giving it away so much. “I just didn’t know who to call.” His last word sounded more like a sob as he covered his eyes with the palm of his hands each. He sniffled and his frown was all that Baekhyun could see but the sob was too clear.

Baekhyun took Kyungsoo’s hand on his and held them down. His eyes were swollen and red, tired, and weary. His tears were bitter and painful. Kyungsoo was distraught and hurt and that broke his heart a lot more than he thought it could. He squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand as Kyungsoo looked at him with a gaze that begged for comfort. He wanted out of the pain too but it was not as easy as shaking off stress. It wounded him deeply.

Kyungsoo fell in Baekhyun’s arms. Baekhyun shushed and rocked him as he cried harder and harder. He held Kyungsoo until his weeping fell into soft tears that ran through his now completely wet face. Baekhyun could almost see the traces of tears on his face when Kyungsoo sat up to face him. He wiped those tears away but Kyungsoo was an inconsolable mess. Even when he quietly sobbed and gasped for his breath, Kyungsoo still was a mess.

He fell asleep shortly after that. He still sobbed in his sleep and he did fall asleep on the couch so Baekhyun just shut out most of the lights that would have bothered Kyungsoo in his slumber. Then he draped a thick blanket on Kyungsoo before introducing a pillow on his head. It was a lot heavier than he thought but he managed to slip one underneath him. Baekhyun grabbed his own pillows and slept on the couch across Kyungsoo. He watched Kyungsoo for a while.

He had never seen him this broken before. It felt so new having Kyungsoo on his couch curled up under a blanket, sobbing in his sleep. But it felt like all the years he spent talking to Kyungsoo, telling Kyungsoo every explicit detail of his life, narrating his experiences in complete detail all led to this. It was his time to listen.

So he listened to Kyungsoo gasp for air every once in a while before eventually falling asleep himself. He thought he dreamt of Kyungsoo crying even harder. He liked to believe it wasn’t but it felt too real for him to imagine.

~~~

When Baekhyun woke up, Kyungsoo was already making breakfast. He didn’t have to see to know it. His house almost never smelled like a mixture of freshly cooked eggs, spam, coffee, and fried rice. Even the side dishes his mother had been sending him were served on the counter where two bowls of fried rice sat. On the side were a spoon and a pair of chopsticks. Kyungsoo was making an eggroll on top of all the food served. It was like he’s trying very hard to suppress the sadness through cooking. It was if the smell of all the amazing food he was making could blur the look on his face. His face was swollen, eyes looking like they would fall out anytime. He had never looked that tired. Even his heavy-rimmed eyeglasses probably wouldn’t be able to help their doom. Baekhyun carefully trod towards the kitchen that opened from his living room.

“Good morning,” he spoke as softly as he moaned in his sleep. It was as if it wasn’t his own house that he sat at the edge of one of the stools by the counter, right in front of a served bowl of rice. “You’re up early.” He supposed this because he already prepared so much for him to only be awake for just a few minutes.

Kyungsoo forced a smile on his face and it looked a lot more like a straight line as he glanced up at Baekhyun. He grabbed a cup then poured freshly brewed coffee on it before pushing it toward Baekhyun. “You should really learn how to cook. If I had this kitchen, I would stay at home forever.”

It’s true; Baekhyun had a state-of-the-art kitchen. Every appliance was new and everything was ergonomic. Kyungsoo already went on a whole litany about this the first time he went there but he was doing it again. He admired how the backsplash retrieved to reveal a cabinet and a few sockets. He admired the built-in speakers on them as well. He liked how the coffee maker was literally a part of the counter and Baekhyun had a whole bar to himself. He liked Baekhyun’s double-door fridge and how it saved so much energy despite its many features.

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun spoke but Kyungsoo kept on going about how the marble counter really matched the cabinets. He also liked the way the doors of each cabinet quietly opened and closed. It was like they were mindful of the people sleeping if anyone was ever around. “Kyungsoo, please.”

Kyungsoo heard it but he then went on a rant about how Baekhyun was lucky his mother lived close enough to send him all those fresh side-dishes that he never touched. “Do you know how much time it takes to make kimchi? How heavy those damn cabbages are? The radishes? They take so long to peel that at some point you will just give up.” Kyungsoo went on and on and on as he cut the eggrolls to various slices.

“Kyungsoo—”

A scream silenced even Baekhyun who listened the whole time. Holding his breath, Kyungsoo watched as droplets of blood stained the cutting slab. Baekhyun wouldn’t be so concerned. Kyungsoo usually knew what to do at times like those but at that moment, he felt like life took a 180-degree turn and he knew better. Baekhyun got up and walked towards Kyungsoo, grabbing his arm. He washed Kyungsoo’s hand on the sink and made him sit on a stool, holding a paper towel on the wound. He disappeared to the bathroom and came back with a first aid kit on hand. He easily found a small ointment tube and started treating the wound that hasn't stopped bleeding. Without a word, like Kyungsoo always did to him when he was the one who cut himself usually from clumsiness, Baekhyun wrapped the wound with adhesive bandage.

“I broke up with Joohyun,” Kyungsoo spoke as he watched Baekhyun return the kit into the bathroom. Baekhyun went back to his seat and started eating quietly. “I broke up with Joohyun and went on a trip with Jongin.” Kyungsoo laughed so bitterly, Baekhyun tasted it in his mouth. He slammed his spoon down on the counter and stared at Kyungsoo who just kept smiling.

“Who are you?” Baekhyun was never angry but at the moment he was. Not at Kyungsoo but to whoever made Kyungsoo who he was. “Kyungsoo this isn’t you. You don’t _cheat_. You don’t _fool around_. You don’t even drink _and_ drive. Since Jongin, you’ve become this whole new person I can’t recognize. You’re careless and you love yourself less and I hate it.”

“Isn’t this kind of your fault?” Kyungsoo looked at him.

“Excuse me?”

“You told me to go for the promotion. You told me to approach Jongin. You and Chanyeol literally set me up with him.”

“Sure! I did all that. You can be blamed for it but you have to admit that the rest was all a decision for you to make.”

“Yixing assigned me to the project. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Yeah! But you chose to sleep with him!”

“What?”

“I know where you go every Friday. I know why you’ve become distant and why you never tell me about what was going on about your life. Denying you like men when you’re out there fucking a whole Kim Jongin every week.”

Kyungsoo was silenced.

“Yes, I do know that something happened in between all that. I know why you dated Joohyun and why you brought her to the event. That was a whole new level of _petty_. Especially for you, Kyungsoo. This…” Baekhyun took a deep breath. “This isn’t you, man. I don’t understand what he did to you. And I hate it. I hate it so much I want to hurt him and you know I’m not the better fighter between us two. I don’t like seeing you like this and it all started when you met him. I’d rather you not call me at all than have you call me to rescue you because honestly, between us two, I have no fucking idea what to do when someone hurts you. I have no idea how to defend you when you’re attempting to keep it from me. And you know very well how I sense things easily. You didn’t have to pretend.”

Kyungsoo took his glasses off and covered his eyes with an arm. Baekhyun could see his frown.

“Please just tell me what happened. You didn’t even cry like this when your dog died.”

Sniffling, Kyungsoo removed his arm from his eyes and revealed his bloodshot eyes. Two wet clots were on his sweatshirt’s sleeve. “Baekhyun,” he said before crying again. And goodness, he was tired. But there simply was no way of stopping. When Baekhyun reached out to hold his hand, he cried harder.

It took him a while but he later opened up. In between catching his breath and tearing up, he told the story of how Jongin changed him and how he probably would never be able to see happiness in his eyes. Not without the man who introduced them in the first place.

“Jongin didn’t seem like much when I first met him. I hated him. Even when we were working together I hated him. But he got me, Baekhyun. He got me all figured out. He knew exactly what I was made of: pretense. He knew how I kept my truth hidden so I wouldn’t have to deal with how my parents would react. He knew how I was comfortable hiding in my shell. But you knew that too, didn’t you? You knew exactly what I was and how I’ve been trying to suppress it. But Baekhyun, I get crazy when he’s around me. I’ve never felt this way since—”

“—since Kim Minseok, I know.”

“You knew that too?”

“I told you, I sense everything. I know it because I _am_ it.”

“But Minseok never even looked at me the way Jongin did. He looked at me like he wanted me, too. No one had looked at me like that.”

“That’s not true. I’ve seen a lot of people look at you crazy. You just don’t see them because they aren’t Minseok or Jongin. Do you have any idea how Joohyun looks at you? If I was a straight man, dating that woman, I wouldn’t be able to resist.”

Kyungsoo looked down at his cut. He could see the blood on the bandage through the translucent adhesive. “I just wanted him. That’s all. Like… Like how you wanted Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun stiffened then took a sip on his drink. Kyungsoo didn’t see because his eyes were pinned on his hands.

“And I didn’t know the repercussions of what I was doing. I’ve never fooled around with anyone. I’ve never even dated someone long enough to get to the making out part. I just… I guess I’ve never really loved anyone at all before. So I didn’t know it until…” Kyungsoo took a deep heavy breath. “...until I saw him with someone else. And my goodness, it hurt like hell.” His bitter laugh came out again. “It hurt so much I wanted to hurt him back. I wanted to hurt him so bad that I had to hurt someone else.”

“But I’m just like everyone else,” Kyungsoo looked up. “I wanted him to acknowledge me. When I got my promotion, I knew I was ready. I thought I was big enough to tell people about me and have them know who I really am. So I broke up with Joohyun and went with Jongin. And I thought Jongin had it easier. He had a loving brother who stood by his side even if they weren’t blood-related. Jongin was much closer to his brother than his father. I thought it wouldn’t be so much to ask for acceptance from someone who knew Jongin very well. I thought it would be okay because he stood by Jongin when he caused troubles. He defended Jongin even when he did something wrong. I thought Junmyeon could be our ally. But I was wrong.”

“Junmyeon came to the hotel, yesterday. The hotel where Jongin and I were staying. We were celebrating my birthday and his which is _today_ ,” Kyungsoo chuckled. Every time he did, Baekhyun was afraid he’d cry again. “Junmyeon told me everything about Jongin. He told so much more than Jongin had decided to share with me. Now, I know things I probably shouldn’t have. Now I see things in a different light.”

“I don’t…” Baekhyun’s eyebrows were pulled together. “...understand.”

“I was in the way of Jongin’s success. Basically, Junmyeon came to tell me how I would bring Jongin down.”

“And you believe that guy? Sounds to me, he watches too many _makjang_ dramas.”

“Junmyeon grew up with Jongin. He knew what was best for him and if it had to be my absence then so be it.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Baekhyun, he was right. Look around you. Look at yourself.” Baekhyun couldn’t look him in the eyes. “What happened when you told your parents about your sexuality? They almost wrote you off the will. They had you tested multiple times in multiple countries. They sent you to a psychiatrist who tried to take yourself _away_ from you. Even your brother barely talks to you anymore and he lives right next door.”

“Look, this isn’t about me.”

“It isn’t. It’s about the world we live in and I can’t mess up the world Jongin lives in. I simply can’t.”

~~~

Jongin got up late but soon as he did, he went in the shower and didn’t waste a second. He shaved his stubble and decided to let his hair down. He wore a tracksuit with a breathable shirt underneath and then a much thicker jacket on top. With a cap over his head and a passport on one hand with a plane ticket tucked inside, Jongin was out the door. Junmyeon was waiting. He couldn’t tell if Junmyeon wore comfortable clothes because he had a very expensive jacket on the outside. But he had sunglasses on.

A car was waiting for them outside and a man opened the backseat door for them. Jongin got in first then Junmyeon. Jongin slouched on his seat as Junmyeon sat up straight. He was silent the whole ride through. No one dared talk but the radio went on about the temperature drop that day. It was the most unusual birthday Jongin had. Silent. Unhappy.

Even on the plane, Jongin was quiet with headphones over his head. He closed his eyes and slept for hours. He saw himself running in the vineyards of Tuscany where he last saw his mother but now he could barely remember her face. Every trace of her mother was erased from his life that he couldn’t even see her face in his dreams. But he remembered her smile and the way she laughed because she did that a lot when they were together. He remembered how he tried to braid her long hair and how it turned to a disaster. There was no Junmyeon then. No Kyungsoo. Just him at his happiest in the arms of the only woman he ever loved.

Junmyeon saw Jongin pull a hood up over his head and watched as his shoulders gently bounced. It broke his heart to see Jongin like that but he put on his wireless earphones and closed his eyes. He believed he did what he had to do.


	7. Chapter 7

~~~

It had been exactly four days since he left Jongin. Kyungsoo had been staying with Baekhyun since and it was so much better than living alone. At some point, Baekhyun nonchalantly asked him to move-which he ignored. He had been cooking food for Baekhyun in exchange for the free lodging but he knew very well that he didn’t need to do anything for Baekhyun to let him stay. For all he knew, he could move in without paying his cut on the utilities.

It looked better for the past two days. He cried less but his body still felt heavy. Baekhyun had already made an excuse for him at work, saying Kyungsoo was down with “the worst flu”.

“You think anyone will believe you?” Kyungsoo asked soon as Baekhyun dropped the call.

“Well, I’m not a doctor!” Baekhyun defended himself. Yixing didn’t doubt, though. He let Kyungsoo off for the week to rest and didn’t ask any more questions about it. Kyungsoo spent his days watching TV. Baekhyun had cable so he was able to watch the rerun of the last season of Australian MasterChef. It even had subtitles so it was much easier to understand. He also tried recreating some of the dishes he had seen. He had a 50% succession rate.

Then it was day five. Kyungsoo decided he would try the few workout equipments Baekhyun had. They seemed expensive and untouched. He wasn’t much of a workout person but he didn’t despise it. Baekhyun, on the other hand, hated every bit of it. But he felt like he had to do it because according to him, he easily gained weight. Kyungsoo always hated when Baekhyun said that. He looked just fine. Hell, he was one of the most attractive people he had never been attracted to.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun told him, watching as Kyungsoo ran on the treadmill at moderate speed. “Someone finally decided to use it. I knew I bought it for a reason.”

“Didn’t you buy this for yourself?”

“Do I look like I _run_?” He was eating vegan chips that Kyungsoo suggested because potato chips seemed very unhealthy.

“No, but you bought it so I assumed you’d buy it for yourself.”

“I bought it because it looked nice to have,” he said, sitting at the edge of the couch. “But now I know what else looks nice in this house.”

“What?” Kyungsoo was catching his breath as he spoke.

“You.”

Kyungsoo turned his head toward him. He wasn’t looking at anything in particular before that. He just looked out the window but nothing seemed interesting when the world before him was white.

“Move in with me,” Baekhyun had a chip in between his fingers, hovering it just by his little triangle mouth. “This house is too big for me alone. I would kill to have you as a roommate.”

“I can’t afford this,” Kyungsoo said as he turned off the device. He casually slipped off of it and grabbed a towel hanging by the handles. He wiped his forehead then the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to pay for anything. Just cook for me every day like what you do now. You know how much I love your cooking and you know how I can’t cook. I think it’s a perfect match.”

“It isn’t. Besides, I don’t want to be here when you’re in your room banging it out with Chan—.”

“Nope!” Baekhyun raised his hand, crumbs on his fingers. “We’ll have rules. Let’s not bring any of our hookups here.”

“Like I’ll have any. That rule will probably only apply to you and we both know that.”

“Okay, okay,” Baekhyun nodded as he stood up. He was in the mood for convincing. “Then I won’t bring any of my hookups here.”

“It’s _your_ house. I can’t make you do that.”

“It’s actually a very smart move. With my brother and his whole family living next door? You’re making it a whole lot better already!”

“You can do that even when I’m not around.”

“But I wouldn’t have the motivation to follow that rule without you!”

“Your brother and his whole family?” Kyungsoo gestured at a wall.

“Not enough reason.”

“How is your brother not enough reason? He’s literally your blood and flesh.” Kyungsoo was walking to the kitchen, rubbing his head. Every strand of his hair was wet. It had been 40 minutes since he started working out. His limbs were sore but he didn’t show.

“You’re more family to me than they are. You know that.”

Kyungsoo just looked at him and there was a bit of sadness in Baekhyun’s tone he could very easily sense. Maybe because he, too, was sad.

Baekhyun’s family didn’t exile him. They just let him be after a few attempts at turning him straight and later reassuring he wasn’t sick of any incurable disease. But he never felt like they completely accepted him for who he was. His father talked to him less. Only his mother really showed him affection by bringing in food every once in a while. His brother seemed cool about it but his judging gaze didn’t escape the male friends he brought over. Even Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun sighed and put down his bag of chips before licking his fingers. “Come on, Kyungsoo, just move in with me. You have to admit, it’s very strategic. It’s close to work. I have gym equipment and cable. You can watch MasterChef all day, any day, with subtitles, _in HD_!”

Kyungsoo blinked at him as he drank water.

“I also have a PS4 stashed somewhere in my room begging to be played.”

There was a moment of silence as Kyungsoo put down the empty glass.

“I’m buying the food.” Baekhyun screamed ‘Yes!’. “But that’s all I can give. You know I send money to my parents.”

“I know,” Baekhyun skipped in glee behind Kyungsoo then threw his arms around his shoulder. “Roomie.”

“Did you wash your hands?” Baekhyun immediately retrieved his arms and Kyungsoo escaped before he could even get soap on his hands. He was already in the bedroom, probably taking a long much-needed shower.

Shower was quick yet warm. Kyungsoo didn’t spend a lot of time under the water but he did take a lot of time in front of the mirror. Wiping the fog on the mirror, Kyungsoo looked at his swollen eyes and dark circles that became more prominent in the past few days. He had not cried that day but he felt something on his shoulders that made him slump. It had become heavier and more painful to bear. He slipped on the pajamas Baekhyun loaned him and sat at the foot of the bed.

His bag had been unpacked since that day. It sat on a chair at the corner of the room by the empty bookshelf. It was dim in that area because the only light he had on was the shade on the nightstand. It was yellow and not so bright. Before him, where the curtains were draped on the sides was Seoul. The sky was turning dark making everything else look more gray than white.

His clothes the day he came had been washed. He washed it yesterday when he felt like cleaning every inch of Baekhyun’s house. They hung inside the shut closet near the bathroom. His phone was in that bag and he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to take it. He remembered how he sat in the ferry boat watching as his phone rang before turning it off. Tears swelled in his eyes and he wished he didn’t have to do that.

A knock interrupted Kyungsoo’s tears from coming. Baekhyun peaked his head on the door and smiled. “Music Bank is on; IU is promoting.”

“I don’t know her songs.”

“You have to, _now_. It comes with moving in with me.” Baekhyun always had his way on Kyungsoo. He won arguments, he gained favors, he even got Kyungsoo’s parents to call him “son”. He just was charming, that’s all. He smiled a lot even when they just first met. Kyungsoo didn’t like him at first but he was very… compelling. He talked a lot and people would think he was just white noise around Kyungsoo but he actually listened to everything Baekhyun said. Every story he knew from start to finish if he were asked to repeat it. Every detail, memorized. Because it was Baekhyun and he was the only person interesting enough that Kyungsoo could stand.

Kyungsoo sat by Baekhyun in front of the TV and watched as various groups and soloists performed. They watched it like it was football with two boxes of fried chicken and low-calorie beers on the side. Kyungsoo didn’t know anyone at all but he did enjoy watching Baekhyun cheer especially when IU came on. He already knew every word to her new song. Somehow the chorus stuck to Kyungsoo’s head that he was unconsciously humming it as he cleaned up after the show.

“See, you like her song.” Baekhyun noticed as he watched Kyungsoo recycle the trash.

“It has a nice chorus.”

“ _Nice chorus?!_ Kyungsoo, she has a _majestic_ discography!” Baekhyun shook his head and connected his phone to the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen then started playing songs by IU. “You leave me no choice, young man. You are going to listen to her with me until you know every word to every song like myself.”

Kyungsoo just laughed and it was something he had not done in a long while. Baekhyun was a charming little guy. He was an inch taller than Kyungsoo but he liked to call him little because his body seemed so frail. So fragile. He had wider shoulders but that’s only because Kyungsoo liked to crouch. Baekhyun sang and his voice was nice. He liked to sing all the time and he didn’t mind if his voice broke or if he was too loud. He just sat there, separating foils from plastic yogurt bottles, plastic covers from boxes. He sorted everything while listening to Baekhyun sing songs by IU. The music died in the background and all he heard was Baekhyun. He laughed when his voice cracked and scrunched his notes in the attempt to hit the notes. He danced weird but Kyungsoo liked animated Baekhyun. He was spectacular.

Baekhyun was quite the charming guy and he just knew exactly how to make Kyungsoo smile.

~~~

Italy was cold. There was some snow but the fields were green as they were. The vineyard froze but didn’t frost. Jongin had his hands tucked in his coat the whole time, a thick scarf wrapped around his neck. Junmyeon stood a few meters away as he talked to basically everyone they could. It was a search they couldn’t do with any help. It was supposed to be a covert mission. No one had to know but it was as if their target was always one step ahead.

“She left. It’s been years. But she did stay here. She never told us where she was going. One day, she just disappeared as fast as she came here.” An old woman told them and Jongin was heartbroken. In the hotel, they’d spent attempting to track her with the help of a private investigator. They worked so much on a lead that led them nowhere.

“We can’t just give up,” Jongin mumbled almost only to himself. “Junmyeon, she has to be somewhere. If that lead took us here, it means she could be anywhere else. She’s alive. I know it. I know she wants us to find her.”

“But why would she run away,” Junmyeon asked him over a cup of coffee. “Why would she run away if she wanted to be found?”

Jongin was silent. He was tired and in pain. He felt like his puzzle was far from complete. He had no mother, no Kyungsoo. For days they searched the villages themselves but the search ultimately came to an end. Jongin had to sit in a plane back to Seoul, headphones and a hood on. He curled up even if he could very well fit on his bed. He hugged himself as if it was enough to replace arms that held him in place. There were only two pairs he knew of. His mother’s and Kyungsoo’s. And both seemed so far and out of reach.

He couldn’t remember walking out of the plane or the rest of the ride back home but Jongin was lying on his bed, warm and cozy. But it felt empty. The bed he grew up in suddenly felt too big. He kept having dreams about Tuscany. Sometimes he ran with his mother, sometimes, he ran alone. Other times, Kyungsoo ran with him but he would always hide in the middle of it all. Then he would disappear. He would look everywhere but he would be gone. Kyungsoo would be gone.

Kyungsoo was gone. He didn’t like to believe it but he couldn’t even get himself to dial his number again. The last time he did, he just arrived in Italy. He didn’t do it again. Now back home, Jongin contemplated so hard at dialing his number but he just couldn’t get himself to try. He was afraid Kyungsoo would pick up and he would sound okay. He was afraid he didn’t know Kyungsoo better than he thought he did and see him all fine and better.

Better than him. He couldn’t be okay. He liked to believe Kyungsoo wasn’t okay. The thought hurt him. Seeing Kyungsoo cry, in his head, hurt his heart. Physically hurt him so bad he burned up. His eyes wouldn’t open and it was just dark. He only had Kyungsoo’s crying stuck in his head. Oh, that night. He wished he didn’t know how Kyungsoo cried then he wouldn’t have dreamt of it. He wouldn’t have known what it felt like seeing him hurt so much. It wouldn’t have hurt him back.

Jongin felt soft touches. Arms around him, cold towels, and even a pill pushed to his mouth.

“You’re okay,” he heard Junmyeon say once. Then he heard Junmyeon tell him a story about a bear who heard a bird sing. The bear loved it so much that he asked his brother, a wolf, what it was. The wolf told the bear it was the king of birds and the bear wished to go to his palace. The palace was a nest with little birds resting in its stead. The bear was disappointed because it wasn’t a majestic palace he found. He berated the birds and walked away. When the king and queen birds heard of it, they sought revenge toward the bear and the world. A battle the birds had won.

“Then the King and Queen went home to their children and said, ’Children, rejoice, eat and drink to your heart’s content, we have won the battle!’”

But the little birds need not rejoice. They told the King and Queen to ask the bear and fox to beg apologies to which their parents adhered. The bear and the fox apologized to the little birds.

“I always hated that story,” Jongin said weakly. “I was supposed to be the bear and you the fox. And then I learned they were mean.”

“What are you saying?” Junmyeon closed the book. “You’re one of the little chicks, obviously.” Jongin smiled and leaned on the pillow beside him. “How are you feeling?”

“I miss him,” Jongin didn’t even take a second to answer. “Hyung, I miss Kyungsoo so much.” Then his eyes were wet and so was his face from tears and sweat. “I miss him so very bad.”

“I’m sorry, Jongin,” Junmyeon said as he sat at the edge of the bed and held Jongin’s hand, gripping tightly on the comforter. “I’m so sorry.”

~~~

Jongin woke up in new clothes. He couldn’t remember changing so it was probably Junmyeon who helped him while he was high on fever-reducing pills. He didn’t feel better but his eyes burned and body ached a lot less than they did. He was unable to know what day it was by the way the sun bleakly shone on his window. With a quick glance at the digital clock on his nightstand, he realized he had not known what he was doing for two days. It had been two days since he came down with the flu and he was only starting to get better.

Maybe it wasn’t a dream when Junmyeon checked on him and argued with their housekeeper if they should bring Jongin to the hospital. “It’s just the flu,” the housekeeper, an old woman, said. He had been taking care of their family for years so her opinion was too valuable for Junmyeon to just defy or ignore.

Weakly, Jongin threw his blanket to one side and even that little movement ached his arm. It was like he spent too much time at the gym. He sat up and took a sip on the glass of water by the clock. He could barely finish it. His throat ached and even water tasted weird. He found his phone resting on the same nightstand, untouched. When he turned it on, the light attacked his eyes so hard he had to put it down for a moment. Composing himself, he slowly lifted the phone to his face to unlock it. He turned the brightness down.

There were a lot of unread emails, text messages, calls. All from work. He laughed to himself. Not a single person on his notification was a “friend”. Maybe one, a manager that he had been pretty casual with because they were the same age. But his message wasn’t even casual. Even his texts to Jongin were formatted like emails—starting with salutations, ending with two line breaks, and a polite ‘thank you’.

Soon as he hit ‘home’, he felt a rush of heat on his head. His wallpaper was still a cropped photo of Kyungsoo. It only showed Kyungsoo’s body as he sat in Jongin’s car, wearing a cozy sweatshirt, hands clasped together over his lap. Jongin then tapped on the last few calls he made. It only showed Junmyeon’s name he had saved on his phone with a loving endearment. Kyungsoo’s number was saved as a butterfly. And the moment, he wished that butterfly fluttered its wings and flew toward him.

It rang a few times, the first time since the day he disappeared. His back straightened up and his eyes widened. The anticipation grew in him that made him nauseous for a second. But the line just kept ringing and he was starting to cry. Then the line went dead.

When he tried the line again, it was unavailable again. His phone fell on his lap and his hands flew to his face as he sobbed on them. He still wondered why and maybe if he knew the reason, he wouldn’t be as miserable as he was then.

~~~

Kyungsoo was back at work and coming back did require him to turn his phone back on. It was like a protocol with Yixing. You have to tell him things yourself unless you’re really unable to. So even if he didn’t want to, he had to turn on the phone that he had kept in the pocket of his duffel for a whole week.

It took a while for his old phone to turn on and soon as it booted, all the notifications came rushing in like football fans in a stadium. Work chats, non-work work chats, messages, and missed calls from Yixing, Yixing, his mom, Yixing, his mom, and him.

Kim Jongin.

It took him a few scrolls to get to the end of all the calls he received. The last one was a few days back. For a couple of days, Jongin had been silent. But he never faltered before that. For a moment, he thought Jongin just gave up. It hurt but it was what he wanted Jongin to do. After all, he was the one who left.

 _I will be coming in today._ He told Yixing and he got two thumbs up as a reply.

 _Are you sure you’re ready for work?_ Yixing replied again. His Korean was so much better than it had been the first time Kyungsoo met him. He had a translator by his side but now he’s a native.

 _Yes, sir. I will see you later._ Yixing replied with a smiley and an okay emoji.

Kyungsoo grabbed the bag that Baekhyun retrieved for him in the office a few days back then went off. Coming out of the bedroom, Baekhyun was already eating the breakfast he made an hour ago.

“I have never had breakfast here until you happened.” Baekhyun was stuffing his mouth with toast soaked in honey and whip.

“I can’t believe you can work without breakfast.” Kyungsoo put his phone on the counter where Baekhyun was eating.

“I pass by the nearest Starbucks.”

“You have a perfectly fine coffee maker here!” Kyungsoo was grabbing coffee just as he said that.

“I didn’t know how to work that and I still don’t!”

“Baekhyun, you literally just hit a button and it makes the coffee for you. You don’t even—”

Kyungsoo had to stop soon as his phone started ringing. Baekhyun just bit on his fork as he looked at the caller ID. _Kim Jongin._ Again.

Kyungsoo stared at the phone, a cup of coffee on one hand before grabbing it soon as the call ended. He shut it down with a shaky hand before putting it down again. Then, he flashed a forced smile on Baekhyun. “I can teach you how to operate this thing.”

~~~

Kyungsoo never missed a place but soon as he stepped foot in their office, he knew he missed that place. He had never skipped more than a day so much as a week at work. It suddenly felt new and bright. It wasn’t a colorful working space but it sure was spacious and clean. He had a lot of greetings starting from the information desk. Welcome back, they said and he would just reply with a nod and a polite smile. Baekhyun was the one who kept up conversations with everyone they passed by.

“I heard you’re moving in together,” Yixing said as he leaned on Kyungsoo’s desk with a cup of coffee on hand. “Baekhyun told me,” he said, almost like a defense when Kyungsoo looked up from his desk. He wasn’t doing any particular paperwork, he just sat there and organized his files on his computer.

“He’s offering me a lot of things I can’t say no to.”

“He told me about the TV and PS4 too,” Yixing smiled and put down his cup on the empty coaster on Kyungsoo’s desk. “I wish I could top that offer.”

Kyungsoo gave him a weird look. It must be the way Yixing spoke or the way his sentence was constructed. Either way, he gave his boss the benefit of the doubt.

“But I’m sure they have HDTV and PS4 in Japan. No Baekhyun, though.”

“What?” He must have heard it wrong. _In Japan?_

“We’re opening a branch in Japan and so far, I have one person in mind to spearhead the operations there.”

“Sir…”

“Kyungsoo, that was the plan right from the start.” Yixing pulled a chair from an empty desk to sit right next to Kyungsoo. “You’re one of my first employees here and for the past years you’ve been our strongest architect.”

“But I am not a leader.”

“Of course you are! Look at you, you’ve come a long way. You were just a quiet little boy who said yes to whatever your seniors tell you to but you’ve led numerous projects yourself and you’ve done them all so very well.” Yixing had hopeful eyes.

“But I just moved in with Baekhyun.”

“You guys sure are like a married couple,” Yixing said, laughing. “I had to ask his permission to be able to approach you. Why do you think he’d leave you alone for lunch?”

Kyungsoo had to look up. The office was empty. It’s just them.

“He also gave me the idea to do it on your desk because you would feel like you’re in trouble if I call you in my office alone. Come on, Kyungsoo. There will be lodging and food allowance. It’s just for a few months then you’re coming back. You just have to oversee operations and have them get used to how we do things here and in China.”

Kyungsoo down to his hands. He really felt like he didn’t have a choice. Not that it was a bad career move. In fact, it could be a good step for him to explore the business further. He never really saw himself staying in Yixing’s company because Yixing didn’t seem like much for a boss but he sure knew how to work for a company. He never had problems with work, too. Yixing was very perceptive when it comes to his employees’ needs. Everyone else in the company just followed his principle later. Then what was a stepping stone for Kyungsoo turned out to be _the dream job_.

“I’m in,” he said and Yixing just had to cheer loudly.

“Nice!”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath. Sure he needed that time to be away, as far away as he could. From Seoul. From Korea. From Jongin. After all, it was a vital step that could help them both in the long run. Maybe in a few months' time, Jongin would have carried on with his life and so has he.

~~~

It took him exactly five days to be allowed out of the house. Junmyeon strictly put him in house arrest until he was completely healed. When Junmyeon found him in their gym working out, he was finally allowed to go out. But not after a lot of questions of course.

“Why do you even need to go out of the house?” Junmyeon asked as he watched Jongin lift weights. “You have nowhere to go. You’re on leave until next week, too.”

“I have to see him,” Jongin said. He had already told Junmyeon about how Kyungsoo disappeared in the middle of their vacation. But Junmyeon never really said anything about it. He just listened.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Junmyeon was already in dress pants and a white shirt. He was knotting his necktie as he talked. “I mean, he did leave you, Jongin. He wouldn’t even answer your calls. I don’t think he wants to be found.”

“Like mom?” Jongin looked at Junmyeon as he put down the small weight bar together with the others.

“I don’t mean that,” Junmyeon sighed letting his tie hanging loose around his neck. “I’m saying you don’t have to force yourself. You’re trying too hard for someone who _left_ you.”

“I don’t think I’ve tried enough.” Jongin left the gym before Junmyeon could then, took the quickest shower of his life. He just couldn’t help himself when there’s a huge possibility that he would finally see Kyungsoo. He just had to know why. Only when he knew the answer that he would leave it be.

When Jongin got out of the shower, there was a car key on his perfectly made bed and a note that said, “ _Take it.”_ Junmyeon’s handwriting had never been nice but the thought was there. Dressed warmly, he took the car keys and got out of the house. The car was already parked outside. Junmyeon probably had it ready for him.

For a moment he wasn’t sure where to go. His house? His workplace? Someplace else? Jongin didn’t have a lot of choices but since it was a weekday, he decided to go to his workplace. He knew it was not very professional of him but he was never a fan of that much professionalism. He needed to see Kyungsoo and he was willing to do all he could.

There was mild traffic around the area but he got there around just a quarter to one in the afternoon. Just in time for most employees to head back to their respective offices after a filling lunch. So, the elevator ride wasn’t easy. It was a little cramped but he got there anyway. Took him five minutes with all the many stops instead of two.

Jongin, almost in a rush, strode toward the information desk. “I’m looking for Do Kyung—”

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asked, standing right by the other elevator door. He clearly just alighted and he still had a subway sandwich on one hand and a cup of cola on the other.

He mouthed Baekhyun’s name and ran toward the other. “Where is he?” It felt like a whisper and he was far too close to Baekhyun for anyone else to hear. “Baekhyun, I need to see him.”

“Why do you need to see him?” Baekhyun stood his ground as he asked, chin turned up a little in an attempt to meet Jongin’s height but the difference was glaring.

“Did he tell you?”

“About what?”

“Come on, Baekhyun. This is impossible. I am sure he told you.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “What can I tell you? He’s a complicated boy. He liked to keep secrets.”

“So he did?”

“Did what?”

“Tell you!” Jongin sighed.

“Look, Jongin, I only know so much and I don’t want to pry. But I am sure it’s very evident by the way he’s avoiding you that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

“I just want to know why. I want to hear it from him. No, scratch that. I need it.” Jongin’s eyes begged and Baekhyun’s gaze felt for it. He saw the exact same pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes and he wished he didn’t do what he had to do. “What happened to him? Did I do something? Did I hurt him? Is he okay? Is he sick?”

“I wish I can tell you why he left you but I can’t.”

“Where is he, then? At least tell me where he is and I will ask him myself.”

“You can’t do that. And you shouldn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“He left,” Baekhyun said, taking a deep breath. “He moved and I am not sure if he wants me to tell you where he is.”

“What?” Jongin’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean he moved?”

“Yixing sent him to a different branch and he’s moved there. I don’t know for how long. Look, Jongin, it’s pointless to look for people who don’t want to be found. It seems to me Kyungsoo just wants to start anew without you. I suggest you do too.”


	8. Chapter 8

~~~

Kyungsoo could barely finish his sandwich as he sat across Baekhyun who was just watching him make huge efforts on a single bite. “This is the most heartbreaking eating show I have ever seen,” Baekhyun said. “And you know how much I love those shows.” He took a deep breath and reached to stop Kyungsoo from taking another painful bite then went on to wrap the sandwich back to its paper packaging. “This is mine now. I’m eating it later,” he said then grabbed the rest of Kyungsoo diet cola.

Kyungsoo just sat there, sighing. He sure cooked a lot for someone who ate so little. “You’re eating all of my leftovers.”

“I hate food waste,” Baekhyun said as they both got up from their dine-in chairs.

“I like seeing you full and happy when eating,” Kyungsoo slipped his hands in his thick jacket. “I hope you don’t go on another stressful diet.”

“There’s nothing to diet for,” Baekhyun smiled as he nudged Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“You will,” Kyungsoo kept on looking down as they slowly walked down the paved road back to the office a block away. “When I go to Japan, you’ll be going on a crazy diet again. I don’t like it when you do that.”

Baekhyun just stared, stopping on his tracks.

“What?” Kyungsoo stopped a few steps ahead then turned back. Baekhyun always found affection in things Kyungsoo said. “Don’t sleep too late.” “Eat a lot.” While Kyungsoo himself wouldn’t be too sure why he would say those things, Baekhyun always made a big deal out of them.

“You’re weirdly affectionate. I almost wish you travel a lot without me.” Baekhyun started walking again.

“I will just shut up,” Kyungsoo smiled and Baekhyun laughed.

“No, don’t! I am sorry. I won’t comment on how warmly you said those concerns or how soft your gazes were while you were doing so.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at him but Baekhyun just laughed.

And then... a thud.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo hit the concrete with his back hard when Baekhyun pushed him. If he wasn’t crouching like he always would, his head would have gotten a concussion. The padded jacket almost burst too. “What’s wrong with you?”

“He’s here,” Baekhyun answered, head turned to the left.

“What?”

“Jongin. He’s going up.” He watched as Jongin got out of the car and walked into the building. “Kyungsoo, Jongin is here.”

Stunned, Kyungsoo just stood there, back still leaning on the concrete wall he just crashed onto. Baekhyun’s hand was still on his chest, still watching in case Jongin came out. There really were just two choices: confront or remain hidden. The last thing he wanted was to keep Jongin looking for something he shouldn’t even have in mind at the moment. So he grabbed Baekhyun’s wrist and pulled it down calmly. “Baekhyun…”

“What?”

“It’s okay. I’ll talk to him.”

“No!” Baekhyun shouted, a little too loud that the people around them started looking. Baekhyun ducked his head a few times in apology to the passers-by.

“Baekhyun, it’s fine. It’s time.”

“I can’t risk it,” he said, not making eye contact. “He has this weird power over you and I don’t like what he does to your brain. Whether it’s stupid sorcery or feelings—I don’t know—I won’t let you talk to him. Not yet.”

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun and he had never seen him more serious. If there was anything he liked to praise Baekhyun for, it was his decisiveness. Once he set his mind into something, he would do anything for it to happen. “It’s going to hurt him.”

“And it will hurt you too,” his eyes were starting to get damp. He wasn’t sure if he was crying because it was really cold that day or if it was for the frustration building up. “But it will hurt you less like this. When the wound is all better then I will let you off but not now. Not when you still cry every night because of him.”

“Baekhyun…”

“We all do something stupid when we’re with the people we love.” Baekhyun took a deep breath and stepped back from Kyungsoo. “We show them parts of us we don’t show to others—not even to our closest friends, our family, or ourselves when we’re alone. It’s just a part of us that comes out when they’re near—when they talk to us, when they touch us. I lost you the moment you met Jongin and it’s because I couldn’t recognize who you are under his influence. I am not going to risk losing you again and having you make bad decisions for his sake. I don’t know this. I am not sure of it. But if this is what it takes to keep you from getting more hurt than you already are, I am keeping you from talking to him. You might be better off without him.”

Kyungsoo looked down. There were no words to say after that. He had no comebacks, no snarky remarks. “I’ll be right here.”

Baekhyun nodded and pulled the hood of Kyungsoo’s padded jacket over his head. “Don’t let anyone see you. You’ll know when he’s gone.”

When Baekhyun left, Kyungsoo did what he said he would do. He stayed there, leaning against a concrete wall. It took a while. In fact, he would probably be fined for logging back in from lunch. But that was the least of his concert. He stood there, despite the cold, hands in his pockets and hood over his head. When his watch ticked a few minutes past 1 o’clock, he saw Jongin step out of the office and he wanted to be eaten by the wall behind him.

Jongin waited a minute, head ducked. He didn’t lift his head until his car arrived at the driveway. When he got in, he immediately drove off. He drove fast like he was in a rush and Kyungsoo just watched as his car disappeared.

He didn’t cry. He just stood there for a while before deciding it was time to head up. With a smile, he greeted Baekhyun. The sandwich and drinks were both gone and Baekhyun was just happy Kyungsoo was back.

~~~

Where the lights were dim and the music was low, slow, and calming, Jongin sat with a bottle of wine on the side. There weren’t a lot of people that night and the bartender had given him three different kinds of wine before he finally settled on a Le Pin. He had already finished half the bottle when his company came. It was not someone he expected in the first place. He just thought anyone would do.

“It’s a weird week,” Jongin said. “I never thought these kinds of things would happen to me—a complicated relationship, missing mother. Finally, the day I’d dread wine came.” He asked for a glass from the bartender who served it quickly. Jongin filled it halfway through. “You can finish all of this. You were kind of mean this morning.”

Baekhyun took a swig and Jongin just stared at his empty glass. “You had to hear the truth.”

“Did I hear it though?” Jongin laughed. “I mean, you’re not the first person who told me to stop looking for people who don’t want to be found. Junmyeon has been telling me the same thing since Kyungsoo left. And I still have no idea why he did. I don’t think I deserve this kind of treatment.”

“Yeah, you don’t but you can’t blame him,” Baekhyun was pouring himself another glass. “It was hard—helping Kyungsoo get through something I have no idea about. He never told me something was going on between you two. I had to figure it out by myself.” He drank the whole glass up and smiled. He was like a machine, pouring and drinking. “So, I just thought he might be embarrassed since your first encounter with him wasn’t that pleasant. He must have thought I would scold him for starting this whole thing with you. But I know he would blame me later when things go down the drain.”

“Did he? Did he blame you?”

“Well, he did. For a moment. Then he realized after I scolded him.” They both laughed. “Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to love someone, Jongin. He told me when he was in high school all he did was study. He was ostracized just because he was too competitive and he said he liked being alone because he got better grades. In university though, I thought he was pretty cool. He spent a lot of time with me even if we had nothing but majors in common. But all the time he spent with me I know he did because I was in the same organization and kind of in the same circle as a really cute senior.”

“Kim Minsoo,” Jongin tried.

“ _Minseok._ But yes. He’s the one. Did he tell you about him?”

“A little,” Jongin folded his arms over his chest. “Or a lot. I don’t know. He just talked about how his smile was so bright and how he liked to mess Kyungsoo’s hair. How he’s always at the top of his class. How he led some organizations. Stupid achiever Minseok and his cheeky smile.”

Baekhyun smiled through it. “I mean, those are all true. Minseok did treat him as a younger brother and that’s probably why he wasn’t able to _love_ him. You know what I mean?”

“Sure,” Jongin nodded, eyes passively scanning the wall of liquor across.

“When he met you, you gave interest in him and looked at him the way he had always wanted to be looked at. If you ask me, you’re Kyungsoo’s first love.” Jongin’s gaze turned from across his seat to Baekhyun. “It’s weird. He’s a grown man and he’s dated a few people but I’ve never seen him so devoted to someone. He clearly doesn’t know how to handle it. It could be overwhelming for him. He’s finally accepted who he was and he was so ready to be with you. For years, he had been wanting to take his own path—away from his parents’ and people’s expectations of him. I think he put so much effort into your relationship that’s why he was so heartbroken after Junmyeon invalidated the kind of love you guys have.”

“What?”

It took Baekhyun a second to realize what he had done. “What...”

“Junmyeon did what?” His brows were furrowed and jaw tight.

“I— I mean… Jongin, he’s just—”

“Tell me.”

“Jongin, I don’t know what exactly happened but I—”

Jongin slammed his fist on the marble slab on the bar; it made a sound louder than he thought it would. “Baekhyun, you’ll tell me what you know. I don’t care how much you do but you’ll tell me _everything_ you know.” His words came out between gritted teeth. “Now.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun drank up the last bit of wine on his glass then took a deep breath. “I picked Kyungsoo up from the pier that day. He wasn’t okay and I know it was either because of you or his parents. So I stayed quiet. When we got to my place, he cried. A lot. The next morning, he told me what happened.”

Jongin just stared, fist still tight over the bar. 

“He told me about how he feels for you and man, he loves you way beyond he loves himself. Then, he told me about how Junmyeon came to your hotel. I don’t know where you were, what you were doing, how you saw past this, but basically, Junmyeon told him things.”

“What things?”

“I have no idea. I guess Kyungsoo still wanted to protect you even when it hurts him not to tell anyone about it. But he said, he now knows more things about you than you have told him.”

Jongin was silent.

“Junmyeon told him he’s in the way of your success—that he’d only bring you down.”

Shaking his head, Jongin looked away. His tears gave in early and he immediately wiped it.

“I know Kyungsoo wouldn’t be the type to just shut up when someone belittles him. I know him. But whatever it is that happened, I know he was caught off guard; his defenses were down. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to ruin your life and we all know what’s at stake if you do come out with your relationship.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jongin got up and attempted to leave but Baekhyun was quick to get up and follow him.

“You know so little for someone whose life has been set up for power.”

“I know what we were getting into,” Jongin turned to Baekhyun just before they exited the establishment. “Kyungsoo knows it too. We talked about it.”

“Maybe not enough to assure him that he’s not going to be the one left hurting when everything is revealed. Ask yourself again, how safe did you make him feel through all these?”

“What do you know about this?”

“A lot more than you do, apparently,” Baekhyun said before walking away first. He already had his car waiting for him outside with a private chauffeur to drive him. He left just as fast as he came. And Jongin stood where he was left, pondering where to begin and how to put an end to any of it.

~~~

“It’s late,” Junmyeon got out of his bedroom and found Jongin in the kitchen, still in a suit, drinking what was left of the Bourbon in their small bar. “You should get some rest.” Junmyeon grabbed a glass and tapped it on the fridge.

“That day,” Jongin started and he already heard Junmyeon sigh as he put the glass down. “No, Junmyeon, listen to me.”

Junmyeon turned, brows pulled together, and hand tightly clasped around the tall glass of water. “What is it?”

“What do you have to do with Kyungsoo leaving that day?”

“Nothing.” Junmyeon looked him straight in the eyes and it couldn’t hurt less that his brother lied so easily with such a cold heart.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jongin I am sure.”

“Because I heard you came down there personally to intimidate him.”

“I _didn’t_ intimidate him.”

“So you did come down to talk to him?”

“Jongin,” Junmyeon sighed and leaned back on the counter. “Jongin, you wouldn’t understand. You’re drunk and I won’t engage in this conversation unless you’re sober.” Junmyeon said walking away from the kitchen.

“Well, at least you’re giving me the time to prepare myself.” He stopped and turned back at Jongin. “Unlike when you attacked Kyungsoo at his weakest, leaving him no choice but to leave.” 

“I gave him a choice!” Junmyeon lunged at the island where Jongin sat by. “I asked him to make the decision himself and it was his choice to leave. He could have stayed but he didn’t. And I am so glad he left because if not, you would be making another mess that _I_ would have to clean up after.”

“You pushed him away!” Jongin got up to face Junmyeon. “You intimidated him and told him about the plan so he would leave thinking he was never part of it.”

“But he isn’t, Jongin. He was never part of the plan. How do you think you’ll get away with engaging in a relationship with a man? Do you think it will be easy? You think you can just put him in the blueprint and pretend everything is okay when you know very well he’s just going to pull you down.”

“I love him!”

“I don’t care!”

Jongin stared at Junmyeon who was just as enraged as he was.

“I don’t care who you love. I don’t care if it’s him. I don’t care if it’s some girl from the office. I really don’t care. I care about you. I have been looking after you because I see myself in you. We’ve been in this fight for so long and I am not going to let you jeopardize everything we’ve worked hard for, for a boy you just met and clearly took advantage of the adoration you had for him.”

“Kyungsoo is not that type of person, Junmyeon. I gave him the project because _I_ did him wrong.”

“I tried understanding what you’re going through,” Junmyeon sighed. “I know it’s not easy to keep a part of yourself hidden away for years but I know that this won’t be good for you in the future. I just wanted to protect you.”

“And by making decisions for me, you think you’re doing it?” Jongin scoffed and looked away. “Do you know when I felt the strongest in my entire life?” Junmyeon didn’t look but he let out a small “no” between attempting to hold back tears. “When you smiled at me and told me you’re proud of me—on my graduations, the day you introduced me in front of the whole board, the night you complimented me and my work for the company, and the moment you told me to take care on my trip with Kyungsoo. I’ve never felt stronger than I did during those moments. Because I know you will be there no matter what.”

Junmyeon’s sniffles begin to fill the silence in between Jongin’s words.

“I know you’d stand by me and tell me you’ll always be proud of me. That even if I fall, you’d still be my brother. Junmyeon, I don’t need to find Mom if she doesn’t want to be found. I don’t need to inherit all these if Dad didn’t think I’d be right for the position. Because at the end of the day, I know I would have you. Because before you’re anything else, I’ve always thought of you as my brother.”

“Jongin…”

“But I guess to you, I’m just another pawn in your stupid little game.” Jongin wiped his eyes before walking up into his room where he stood. Empty. Longing. Lost and defeated. In one last, desperate attempt to control his life, he grabbed his phone and dialed Kyungsoo’s number that he already knew by memory.

It only took a few rings before he answered. And it broke his heart a lot more than it should, hearing Kyungsoo’s voice again for the first time since he disappeared.

~~~

Kyungsoo’s bags were packed and ready in the living room when Baekhyun arrived. He wished he didn’t have to see those bags there but he knew it was the best, given the situation. He dragged his feet to Kyungsoo’s room and knocked twice before peeking inside. Kyungsoo was sitting up, reading a book on the bed.

“Hi,” Baekhyun smiled as he went in before closing the door behind him. “What are you reading?”

“Just some book,” Kyungsoo said and put the book down. “Saw this while packing up. I thought it’s time to read again.”

Baekhyun nodded as he walked closer to Kyungsoo, attempting not to sway around but he was bad at keeping his balance.

“Did you have a chauffeur drive you home?”

He nodded and sat at the foot of the bed. “Kyungsoo, I did something.”

“Something not nice, I suppose?”

Baekhyun smiled. “I love you, you know that. I’ve been annoying you all this time but you have no idea how much I care for you.”

“What did you do?” He wasn’t mad. It wasn’t prying. It was calm and a bit on the teasing side.

“I met with Jongin.”

Even his name felt like a knife twisting on his chest. “...and?”

“I may have… told him why you left that day.”

Kyungsoo sat silent staring as Baekhyun tried to find the right words to explain his way out of the mess.

“I didn’t mean to. I was already drunk when he called and asked me to accompany him to a nearby bar. I mean, if I wasn’t rude to him this morning, I wouldn’t have come. But I feel like I said something wrong to him that he just went out and didn’t look back. So I felt like I should at least listen to what he has to say. But the whole situation was turned the other way around.”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath. It was as if he knew that day was going to come. With Baekhyun’s temper and uncontrollable mouth when he’s drunk, it’s completely plausible it would happen.

“It just slipped and he asked me. He’s so scary. Kyungsoo, do you know how scary he is when he looks at you in the eyes?” Baekhyun was actually about to cry just describing it.

“Baekhyun…”

“I promise, I only told what I knew. Nothing more. Nothing less. Except maybe that you cried all night when you came here which is true. You cried so much.”

“Baekhyun, please.”

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun had pleading eyes he liked to use especially when Kyungsoo is mad but this time, Kyungsoo wasn’t mad. In fact, he was smiling.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. What’s the point?”

“You’re not going to stop talking to me, are you?”

“You’ve done worse things.”

“I did?”

Kyungsoo nodded and scooted for Baekhyun to crawl next to him on the queen bed.

“You’ve attempted several times to out me on my parents whenever you come to visit and get drunk over local wine.”

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun hid under the sheets and Kyungsoo just laughed.

“You stay here and sleep. There’s something I have to do.” Baekhyund didn’t need to ask why. He just watched as Kyungsoo got out of the bed and grabbed his phone then turned it on, on his way out of the room.

With a glass of water in front of him, Kyungsoo waited for Jongin to call but it didn’t come. So he attempted to make the call himself but calling him was harder than he thought it would. A single tap was harder than climbing a mountain, he thought. So he waited some more.

Until the call came. With a deep breath, he grabbed the phone and put it against his ear.

“Hi,” he said, voice almost like a whisper. “I’m sure you’ve heard by now.”

There was no answer. Jongin just breathed on the other line.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo tried very hard to keep his voice from breaking. “I—” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”

 _“Does it matter?”_ There were sniffles in between his words. _“Does it matter what I think?”_

“Of course, it does.”

 _“That’s not how you made it feel.”_ Jongin took a breath—a deep one.

“I’m sorry.”

_“You didn’t have the right to decide for me. Neither did Junmyeon. Why do people think it’s okay for them to do things just because they think it’s the best for me? I’m a fucking adult and I know what’s good for me and what isn’t.”_

“I tried to rationalize my decisions, Jongin. I just thought that because Junmyeon knew so much more than you do, my opinions didn’t matter.”

_“Well, it doesn’t now.”_

Kyungsoo suppressed his sob that came out as a gasp.

_“It doesn’t matter now, does it? You’ve made this decision for both of us and now it’s over.”_

“It had to be.”

_“No, Kyungsoo. It didn’t have to be and Junmyeon didn’t know this much.”_

“I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I was doing what’s best for you.”

_“You know it could have been you, right? You were what’s best for me. But it’s done. You’ve both made decisions for me and now I’m left to deal with the rest of it.”_

Then the line went dead but Kyungsoo refused to cry like he didn’t deserve it. Instead, he got up and headed back into his room where Baekhyun slept. He curled up underneath the sheets but in the morning, he disappeared.

Baekhyun only woke up to a note on the kitchen island that says “I’ll call you when I land.” And suddenly, his house felt a little too big for his own again.

~~~

Jongin had been living like a zombie in a house that only housed him and his brother. Their parents had practically left them to run the company since his father’s last heart attack and went on to live overseas. He always hated that house. It felt so empty and somehow, despite the light colors that filled it up, it was always gray. And in the past few days, more than ever, it looked a lot darker than usual.

That day, however, everything felt heavy. He woke up earlier than usual and just when the sky was still heavy with the darkness, he made coffee. He sat in the living room, reading news through his phone, and then he heard heavy footsteps behind him. Junmyeon was already on his oxfords, he knew that much.

“Jongin.” It was the first time he’s heard Junmyeon call his name since their argument. He only lifted his head in acknowledgment. “Put on a black suit,” he said and as if he was picked from his seat, he ascended with urgency.

“We’re going to the airport.”


	9. Chapter 9

~~~

Jongin, Junmyeon, and their so-called mother stood in a line as people began to pay respects to the departed. In his sleep, their father left. Just like that. Jongin didn’t exactly know what to feel as he stood there, bowing and shaking hands with every single person that came. There were very familiar faces who flew just as far as them only to do so. But it was a much simpler crowd than it would have been if they did the rituals at home. Maybe where they stood, halfway across the world, they’d be able to fake privacy, especially during such situations. The news would have already broken the business sections on publications and online news portals. C&C’s biggest shareholder had finally succumbed to incurable heart disease. Then it would be a battle between the brothers. Who’s going to inherit his shares? Who’s going to win the race?

That was, to say the least, all that went on in Jongin’s head. In an attempt to push past issues behind him, he buried himself with learning more about the business, and ultimately running it himself. He did it with spite that’s why it felt easier for him to navigate. He did it in anger that’s why Junmyeon couldn’t make any comment himself. Knowing very well he was the reason his brother was controlled by anger, he couldn’t at least look Jongin in the eyes for the past meetings they had.

Junmyeon stole glances at Jongin during the service but people kept coming. He had no time to study what his expressions were at the time. But he just guessed that it was just when they first met when Jongin refused to talk to Junmyeon and Junmyeon didn’t know where to begin approaching the other.

When they were younger, Jongin often caused trouble and there were limited ways to break through the ice that separated them both. But Jongin knew better now and he wasn’t quite sure if the younger still needed his help on anything. He wasn’t even sure if Jongin still needed a brother at all. But he tried anyway. When people began to disappear, Junmyeon offered Jongin a cigarette to which the younger refused. “I quit.”

“So did I,” Junmyeon said as he lit a stick between his lips anyway. “But I do it every once in a while.”

Jongin didn’t have any response to it. So instead, he grabbed his phone and scanned through the many emails of condolences offered by colleagues and friends.

“I thought I knew what was best for you,” Junmyeon began and he wasn’t even sure if Jongin was listening because he only kept on tapping on the phone, scrolling through endless notifications. “Because when we were kids you always asked me, ‘Is it okay if I do this?’ ‘Do I get in trouble for doing this?’ ‘What do I do?’” Junmyeon laughed and took a drag. “I mean, I was used to it. Even on your project, you asked me if you were doing the right thing. I remember that. You were so concerned about the community and the scale of the project. Will you be able to handle it? Will you even be allowed by the board to proceed?”

“And when you told me about your relationship, I saw that you’ve never been more sure about anything. It’s like you’ve been making that decision your entire life and you wanted to surprise me that ‘Hey, I finally make my own decisions now’.” Junmyeon flicked the cigarette free of ashes. “You finally did something on your own. Without asking me for advice, at all.”

“You’re saying you felt threatened that I’m becoming independent?” Jongin scoffed, eyes still pinned on the phone in his hand.

“No, Jongin. I’m saying I felt protective. Not because you were becoming independent but because maybe not everyone will accept the situation the way I would.”

With a smile, Jongin put his phone back in the inner pockets of his coat then got up from the bench where they sat. “The way you would? How would you have reacted if not attacking the person I love behind my back?”

“I would have congratulated you,” Junmyeon put out the cigarette on the bin beside him then got up. “I was in no position to ever doubt your decisions. And I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I told you, I was going to be the same person. Nothing would change even if I was dating Kyungsoo but then you decided other people’s opinions are more important than mine. Now, whose fault is that?”

“Mine.”

Jongin didn’t even respond. Instead, he disappeared back into the room where two lawyers sat across their mother, now draped in a different dress.

~~~

“Don’t check Naver” was Baekhyun’s first message that morning. He didn’t have to ask why. Baekhyun sends all kinds of messages first thing in the morning and in a way, he has been Kyungsoo’s eyes and ears back home. It started when Kyungsoo found out that Chanyeol was dating an actress that prompted him to message Baekhyun immediately. Since then, Baekhyun felt the need to be ahead of any news that may affect Kyungsoo. So, if he messaged Kyungsoo like that, there will always be a good reason for it. But, of course, he wanted to know. He so badly wanted to know.

But he didn’t do it anyway. And so he was pretty oblivious, attempting to avoid any news outlet as much as he could. He spent most of his day studying Japanese, going to work, then going home to watch some Japanese reality show before falling asleep with a Japanese book on his face.

The following morning, he got the same message. “Don’t check Naver!” It was starting to worry Kyungsoo. Could it be that great of news that it remained a trending topic for such a long time? Perhaps, the news was tragic but he didn’t want to draw conclusions. Not when he literally knew absolutely nothing about it. For another day, he went on the day learning a new language, signed papers left and right, lectured with a translator on the side, and attempted conversations with a barista in Japanese. It wasn’t that bad, he thought. They even thought he sounded “cute” for a foreigner who’s learning the language. He resented it and swore he wouldn’t do it again.

He did groceries that night and while it was a rewarding feeling to pronounce certain words correctly but he was skeptical about certain words. “ _ Tōgarashi _ ,” he repeated under his breath like the bot from the language app did it. “ _ Tōgarashi _ .” He wanted to sound like a natural but it was so hard when all he was talking to the past few days was a bot. “ _ Tōgarashi _ .” He sounded like a bot and it would be just as embarrassing.

“Last time I saw you, you spoke Korean.”  _ KOREAN! _ He almost screamed when he heard a voice behind him speak. He turned and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Kim Minseok standing with the same half-full grocery cart before him. “Hi,” he said and smiled, that bright cheeky smile that Kyungsoo ever so adored so much. He could only smile back, unable to find the right words to say or the right syllables to say, confused which language to use.

“ _ Tōgarashi _ ?” Minseok offered a hand asking for Kyungsoo’s shopping list. “Come on. Let’s get you your chili peppers.”

Kyungsoo found himself treading carefully behind the other, pushing his cart. “Wait,” he said but Minseok didn’t stop. He just kept looking up at the aisle markers.

“There it is,” he said and next thing Kyungsoo knew, there was a container of chili peppers on his cart. “You sounded like a bot. No one would laugh at you but it will bother you at 3 in the morning when you couldn’t sleep thinking it bothered everyone else when it didn’t.”

“Is it really you?” Kyungsoo said as he looked at Minseok in disbelief. He did lose a lot of weight since he last saw him. He still had very puffy cheeks and physique hidden underneath a hoodie. “I mean, what are the odds?”

Minseok pinched Kyungsoo’s nose with his ring middle and index finger.

“Ow!”

“It’s not a dream,” Minseok laughed and went on to complete the rest of Kyungsoo’s shopping list, with the other trailing closely behind. “I mean, I did follow you around for a while thinking I was the one dreaming. Is it possible that Do Kyungsoo is here? Of all places on earth?”

“You followed me?” Kyungsoo tried to keep up as he jogged behind Minseok along a wide aisle.

“Yeah, I wanted to be sure it was you. I didn’t want to approach the wrong person. And even if it was you, I wanted to make sure I remember you correctly.”

“And how do you remember me?”

Minseok stopped on his tracks and turned to smile at Kyungsoo but never got an answer anyway. He just reached over to grab a vinaigrette on the shelf behind the younger, flustering him a bit.

Clearing his throat, Kyungsoo skipped a bit to keep up with Minseok who was walking to the poultry section. He watched as his senior expertly ordered the cutlets and fillets on the list. “You should buy this in the wet market next time. I can come with you,” Minseok turned to him for a second.

“Shouldn’t we sit first and catch up? I still don’t believe this is happening.” Kyungsoo blinked and Minseok laughed but he wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or just because he felt like it.

“Let’s pay up first,” he said, then placed the poultry on Kyungsoo’s cart. It didn’t take them long to pay their groceries but the difference of what they bought was stark. He heard Minseok say it again. “You should buy these things at an actual market, not the supermarket.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked and Minseok just gave him the look. Of course, it’s not about convenience but he really wasn’t good enough in Japanese to bargain like he probably would in Korea. “I mean, it wouldn't be as easy as buying at a Korean market.”

“That’s why you have me.” With bags of groceries in their hands, they head to the nearest cafe which to Minseok’s testimonial is one of the most underrated in the neighborhood. “They have the best sparkling fresh extract juice,” he said as they occupied a seat by the window.

Kyungsoo wouldn’t have bet a million won even if he was told he’d meet Minseok during his business trip. He didn’t even know that Minseok was still there. All he knew was that Minseok left for an internship and perhaps, he stayed because he was as amazing as he’d always been in college. It’s not surprising if he put it that way.

“So, what brings you here?” Minseok started. “How have you been? Baekhyun? How is he? I missed you guys so much. I feel like I’ve been here for a decade.”

“It’s been eight years,” Kyungsoo said, nervous but he very much wished it wasn’t obvious. He wasn’t even sure why he was so jittery in front of Minseok. “So, almost.”

“You’re right,” Minseok laughed. “It’s been that long?! Anyway, it feels so long ago that I almost forgot what you look like, especially that you’re the only junior who didn’t follow me on Instagram when I made one last year.”

“Yeah, Baekhyun was very adamant about making me open an account when you did. He said, ‘even Minseok opened an account; what’s stopping you?’” Their drinks were just served and Kyungsoo immediately took a sip on his. He could almost feel the little bubbles sit on his throat. He grunted lowly.

“At least you appear on Baekhyun’s post every once in a while,” Minseok took a sip on his and he sure did take his sweet time cherishing that first sip. He closed his eyes, lips upturned, as he hummed. “Wow, it’s still so good. They never fail to disappoint. Do you like it?”

“It’s great,” Kyungsoo said and he couldn’t find faults with the way the drinks were served. Fizzy but kicks with a sour flavor that turns sweet by the end. “Never had one like this in Korea.”

“It’s pretty easy to make but I like to support local cafes around here. There are so many undiscovered gems around.”

“How are you?” Kyungsoo finally asked. “You’ve been here all this time?”

“Well, I went home a few years back. I stayed for a few months. Like a vacation. Because I didn’t know if I liked what I was doing but when I sat in my room at home, doing nothing at all, I felt empty. I figured I liked what I was doing here. So I came back and haven’t left since.”

“I’d take it you’re doing great?”

“I mean, I couldn’t ask for a better life. I’m getting by. I pay my bills on time, I get to buy game consoles for myself and even go on local trips every quarter of the year. I go hiking and skiing, too.” Minseok did look satisfied. He smiled a lot back in college like nothing was bothering him but comparing it to the way he smiled now was impossible. That was a smile he’d never seen before — a smile of utter satisfaction and contentment. He wished he knew how it felt like or even empathized to get a sense of it but it was hard. “How about you?”

“I, uh,” Kyungsoo looked down shyly. “I got promoted. The youngest junior partner at the firm.”

“Kyungsoo!” Minseok raised his voice. “Kyungsoo, that’s amazing!” He laughed and ran his hand through Kyungsoo’s growing hair. It had grown about an inch and a half since he last shaved it. “I can’t believe it! I mean, I can but, you know,  _ expressions _ .”

Kyungsoo laughed. “Thank you,” he shyly mumbled. “But I thought I was going to be happy because I got promoted. I really did think this was what I needed to be happy. But now that I see you, I feel like I only have trivial things to brag about while other people out there, spiritually and mentally stable.”

“Oh, come on,” Minseok frowned. “I mean, I’m way older than you and you still have so much time in your hands to figure out what will make you happy.”

“I already figured out that part. I just can’t have it right now. Probably not ever.” The sip was nicer this time. Kyungsoo felt the flavors remain in his mouth for a lot longer. 

“You’re not gonna go for it?”

“It doesn’t want me.”

“Bullshit.” It’s probably the first time he heard Minseok say such a word but it sounded so natural like he’d been saying it all his life. It felt weird yet comforting. “Whatever  _ it _ is, I am sure  _ it  _ wants you back just as much. You just have to figure out how to make them realize that.”

“I’m not very good at that,” Kyungsoo looked away.

“You made me realize it.” Kyungsoo’s head lifted as if Minseok’s words pulled them up. “A little late but you did.”

“You what? I mean—What? I— What?”

Minseok’s laugh was hearty and he felt the heat rise up his cheeks. Was he laughing at him or with him? Was he supposed to laugh as well? How exactly was he supposed to react to that?

“Calm down! It’s been eight years. It’s fine.”

“I don’t think so. What do you mean I made you realize it. What is  _ it _ ?! Because last time I checked, I was very subtle and very, very quiet at the time. I wouldn’t even dare breathe the same air as you!” It felt like he said it in one breathing that he ran out of breath with the last words.

Minseok moved to the edge of his seat and leaned over the table. “You were very subtle, yes. But you were so subtle I had to wonder: is he avoiding me? But why? I’ve been doing everything I can to be close to you but you’re pushing me away. Somehow, you’ve been putting this space between us and you can say I came up with a conclusion myself. Turns out I’m right.”

“You’re saying I should have gone for it?”

“For me? No, not really. I wouldn’t say no but it would be unfair for me to ask you to wait too. If you did, you’d get tired of waiting because—” he shrugged “—I would have stayed here anyway. But I’m saying, you might just be the type to put a wall between you and the person you like. You like to keep your distance so it might have just frustrated the other person because that space is very much avoidable.”

Kyungsoo could only drink up half of what’s left his glass.

“I don’t exactly know what’s happening with you but I hope what I’m saying makes sense.”

“No, it does.” Kyungsoo sighed. “But maybe it’s always too late for me.”

“Are you certain it is?”

With a smile, he nodded. “I did like you a lot back then.” He said, more comfortable than earlier. “I did and for a moment, I thought I loved you. It’s easy to confuse those words. And because I successfully managed how I feel for you, I thought I would do just fine doing the same thing with someone else. But it wasn’t a pretty journey, what we’ve been through. We’ve hurt each other to a point that we just know this time, staying away would be the better option. Hurts less.”

“You need a drink,” Minseok smiled as he got up. “Come on. Let’s put these away,” he said, gesturing at the bags of groceries on the floor. “I know a place we can go to.”

~~~

“You seem to have grown apart despite the many days you’ve spent together under one roof without us,” Junmyeon’s mother commented as she held a glass of wine on her hand. The ‘82 Bordeaux was freshly opened, sitting on the countertop.

“Isn’t it too early for a celebratory drink?” Junmyeon said as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “And you have absolutely no right to judge my relationship with Jongin. I’m the only one who’s been there for him when you’re too busy kissing the chairman’s ass.”

His mother just scoffed and carried her drink away from the kitchen to the living room to entertain the lawyers that sat leisurely despite the tragic event of that day. She even comfortably addressed them like they were old friends.

“She was right though,” Jongin grabbed himself a glass and poured some himself some.

“She doesn’t have to know that.”

“Why? Because it wouldn’t be  _ according to plan _ ?” The laughter in Jongin’s tone reeked through the other room. “You can give up on your  _ plan _ because we all know what’s about to happen here. She’s going to take everything from us. We will never find my mother and we can never give her everything we’d have had.”

“We haven’t heard the lawyers yet.”

“Let’s hear them out then,” Jongin exited the kitchen and strode to the living room of the cozy penthouse to greet the lawyers with a solemn smile and a handshake with a free hand. “We just want to get over this peacefully. There’s going to be a lot of speculations and we have to release a statement as soon as possible.”

Junmyeon sat on an armchair as his mother occupied the sofa. Jongin stood by the window, away from the others.

“Okay, then,” the lawyers began, sitting next to each other. One took out a sealed envelope from his briefcase and handed it to the other who ripped it open with a letter opener. He pulled out a piece of letter-sized paper from the envelope. Just a piece. “This will be quick.”

Jongin smirked and Junmyeon just glanced at him nervously. His mother was stiff on her seat, drinking the last of the wine that was in her glass. “Wait,” she said before standing up and filling her glass halfway through.

Jongin whistled as she came back and she threw a glance at him. He ignored it.

“Everybody settled in?”

She nodded.

“I,” the lawyer began. “Kim—”

“Please!” Junmyeon’s mother exclaimed, raising a hand. “Please…” She said, calmer, but breathier. “ Just get to the point.”

“Alright,” the lawyer shrugged.

“ _ I leave 100% of my shares at C&C Planning and Design Inc. to my son, Kim Jongin. _ ”

“What?!” Her voice ripped through Junmyeon’s ear but he could only look at Jongin who was stunned with surprise.

“ _ I, also, leave my estates in New York, Japan, China, and South Korea to my son, Kim Jongin. _ ” There was an overlapping gasp in between from the usual suspect and Jongin just stood there, attempting to take it all in. 

“ _ I leave the rest of my properties amounting to— _ ”

“Enough!” Junmyeon’s mother got up from her seat and looked the lawyer directly in the eyes before asking. “Did he leave anything at all to m-my son, Kim Junmyeon?”

With a quick glance, the lawyer looked up with a confident smile. “No, he did not. Everything he owns, he left to his son’s name, Kim Jongin—every penny, every square meter of his land, even every thread of the suits he’s left behind. All left under the care of his son, Kim Jongin. And this letter,” the lawyer pulled out a sealed envelope from the bigger one and pushed it to Jongin’s direction.

Jongin was shaking. With hands unstable, he carefully put his glass down and looked at Junmyeon who didn’t expect the result just as much as everyone else in the room. He treaded toward the center and grabbed the envelope from the table. He hesitantly opened the letter and scanned through it quietly.

“This is impossible,” Jongin mumbled then looked up. “When did he make this?”

The man looked down on the records that the other lawyer presented him. “He first drafted this on the 15th of January 1994 and last updated it two months ago.”

A few weeks before his heart attack.

“So, he never…” Jongin pursed his dry lips and took a deep breath. “He never changed anything about it?”

“Only to update the assets listed in the will.”

Jongin’s eyes drifted back to Junmyeon who smiled at him. “I’m going to have the statement prepared.” He attempted to get up but Jongin stopped him, raising a hand.

“No, wait!” Junmyeon just stared and waited for Jongin to collect his thoughts. “Let’s talk.”

~~~

“What’s this?” Junmyeon asked as Jongin handed him the letter his father left.

“Read it,” he said and grabbed the box of cigarettes from Junmyeon’s pocket. He put one between his lips and lit it up with Junmyeon’s lighter he got from the other pocket.

“He left this to you, I can’t—”

“Just read it!”

“Okay,” Junmyeon sighed and unfolded the letter.  _ “To my son, Jongin. My firstborn. My blood and flesh. When you were born—” _

“Skip that part.” Jongin exhaled smoke and pointed at the last paragraph on the four-paragraph letter.

Junmyeon sighed and nodded.  _ “I trust that Junmyeon has been taking care of you. I have burned the bridges between you and me the moment I’ve erased your mother from our lives. It’s impossible to take a step back and be the father you’ve wanted me to be after what I’ve done.” _

Jongin paced back and forth, taking a drag every now and then.

_ “But I am glad you’ve found Junmyeon. I am glad he has found you. And I am even more glad to have sons like you two. I know we would have more misunderstandings even after I’ve written this letter but I know your relationship with Junmyeon would be stronger than this. I do trust you with everything I have and I trust you’ll reward everyone who’s been true and loyal to you from day one.” _

He crushed his butt on a tray and put it down.

_ “This may not be an apology enough for you to forgive me for what I have done to ruin our family but my passing should be a sign for you to step out of my shadow. It’s time you do what you’ve always wanted to and I am sure, the moment you read this letter, perhaps even before you did, you’d know what to do with what I’ve left you. Your father.”  _ Junmyeon took a deep breath and nodded. “Jongin, your father trusts you enough to make this decision.”

“Well, maybe he thought that he would die when I’m like 40 or something.” Jongin sat on a bench and held his head in his hands.

“He’s been having health problems since you were in college.” Junmyeon sat beside him and crossed his legs. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, again. You’ve worked your way up here and he has seen you do that. He saw you thrive through every challenge he threw your way. You were a sales agent, you managed a team of your own, you passed multiple exams to earn your license. He was there when your first project was approved. He may not look it but I am sure he was proud of you for what you did.”

“I just can’t believe that overnight, the life of thousands of employees is suddenly in my hands. You do realize now that I’m the biggest shareholder of the company right?” Jongin’s eyes were full of worry when he looked at Junmyeon. “That gives me so much power I don’t need.”

“There are ways you can harness that power for the better. You can hire advisers and study the ropes even more. You can get investors and sell some of your shares for the betterment of the company. There are so many things you can do with it now that you’ve earned it. If we find your mom, you can transfer your shares to her.”

“ _ If _ we find her, that is,” Jongin sighed. “But you’re right. There are ways I can harness this power. You seem to know a lot about it. So, why won’t you take it from me?”

“What? Jongin...”

“No, I’m serious. I am not ready and I don’t think I will thrive in an industry I only forced myself into.”

“No, Jongin!” Junmyeon got up and fixed his suit. “Think about it. Give it a week, or something. I won’t prepare a statement until then. Let them crave for it. We’re mourning, remember?”

Jongin ducked his head and sighed, again. “Junmyeon,” he mumbled. “What should I do?”

Junmyeon just stared at him, attempting to keep himself from crying. “You can’t do this right now.”

But Jongin only looked up with the eyes that longed for a brother. “What should I do?”


	10. Chapter 10

~~~

Baekhyun came all the way from Seoul just to give Kyungsoo a pat on the back for his successful stint as the acting regional director of the firm. But he had planned his trip since Kyungsoo left just because he couldn’t stand not being around his best friend. Then there he was, sitting on Kyungsoo’s apartment floor despite the comfy sofa sitting just behind him, with a pint of beer on one hand and a potato chip on the other.

Kyungsoo had made nachos that both Minseok and Baekhyun swiped clean after 10 minutes that they were left with Kyungsoo’s leftover chips, still on their first pint.

“So, do you have plans to come back to Korea at all?” Baekhyun asked Minseok who immediately frowned, shaking his head.

“I’ve made up my mind years ago. I’ve served my time there. I am not saying Japan is better. I’m just saying, this is my home now. Just like how Korea will always be your home.” He nodded at the two who just looked at each other. “What’s that?”

“I just don’t think we’ve both really felt home in Korea either,” Kyungsoo said, putting down his glass on a coaster on the wooden coffee table. “We’re still finding our place on Earth.”

“What do you think of Japan?” Minseok asked, leaning his head on the sofa behind him. “It’s nice here, too, right?”

“It’s beautiful,” Kyungsoo said but towards Baekhyun who was busy munching on chips and popcorn all at once. “I mean, the people have been nice to me. It’s not hard to learn their language, too. I had fun here.”

“I can sense a big ‘but’ coming,” Minseok said, lifting his head up to look at Kyungsoo.

“But I guess, I still want to come back to Korea.”

“Why?” Baekhyun turned to him in a prying voice. “Why do you want to come back to Korea?”

Kyungsoo noticed the way Baekhyun gave Minseok the look and it was like they had just mentally communicated that they understood exactly what Baekhyun meant.

“Are you going to find him?” Minseok asked, then drank up the rest of his glass.

“No,” Kyungsoo shook his head and grabbed the bag of chips from the table. He peeked and it was almost empty so he just gave it Baekhyun. “That’s a hopeless case. I guess, I just like what I’m doing at the firm. I can’t ask for a better boss. Besides, how’s this one going to live without me?” He messed Baekhyun’s hair to which the other just smiled, scrunching his nose, eyes arched like the crescent moon.

“You’re right,” Baekhyun replied. “That’s the very reason I came down here. I have to make sure you really are coming back home. The house feels empty without you.”

“No one coming over?” Kyungsoo tried to pry but he wasn’t as compelling as Baekhyun who just laughed at his question.

“Maybe you can come to visit us this time, Minseok.”

“Me?” Minseok shook his head, stretching his limbs. “I don’t know. Maybe next time. I’ve been busy with work. I’m glad we’re having this little party though. At least we all get to see each other again before we part ways… _again_.” Minseok leaned his head back again then closed his eyes. “I’m glad we all got to see each other even just briefly.”

Baekhyun yawned and laid down on the floor. Kyungsoo could only smile. When they were all a lot younger, Kyungsoo liked to believe he was the weakest among them. Minseok drank up a bowl of beer for him without throwing up or passing out. Baekhyun always partied hard, almost every week. They were the ones who told him that drinking was a practice that needed to be done often to master. Yet, he was the only one left awake that night.

After the two passed out in his living room, he stayed up to clean. He washed the mugs they used and threw away the empty bags of chips. He even had time to wipe the table clean of Baekhyun’s crumbs. When the clock hit two, he found himself sitting on his little dining table scrolling through the news he had been avoiding since he left for Japan.

Then, it became clear to him why Baekhyun didn’t want him to check any of it.

_C &C’s Chairman and CEO Passes Away at 65 _

Kyungsoo took a deep breath as he scrolled through the article detailing the chairman’s condition and how his sons would succeed him in power.

_Speculations arise that the eldest son, Kim Junmyeon, will succeed him as Chairman. Kim Junmyeon is the chairman’s step-son from his second marriage. Meanwhile, the fate of the chairman’s son from his first marriage, Kim Jongin, is yet to be decided._

There was a tiny bite on his chest when he read his name. It wasn’t all that bad but it was a weird feeling, seeing his name spread all over the internet with people guessing and predicting what his life would be like without his father. It’s as if they knew Jongin more than his own family or friends did. He hated every comment that said that Jongin was not worthy of the position when he knew very well that Jongin was a capable leader.

_Kim Junmyeon, first day as acting CEO of C &C. What kind of fate awaits the real estate giant? _

Another article read. Apparently, it had been weeks since the passing of their father and no announcement was made yet. No one knew whether Junmyeon would really lead the company from here on out or if Jongin would step in anytime. The brothers were mum about the issue and even their mother was nowhere to be seen. Jongin himself hadn’t been seen in public since. The company’s stocks had already plummeted but the family remained calm despite the clamor around them. No one dared say a word.

_Kim Jongin spotted at the airport, mourning, and mum_

_C &C heirs first appearance together, no statement released 3 weeks since chairman’s death _

“You checked Naver.” Kyungsoo looked up to Baekhyun with his disheveled hair and droopy eyes. “I told you not to do that.”

“I’m coming home,” he took a deep breath and put his phone down. “You think I can avoid the news forever?”

“That makes sense.” Baekhyun yawned and sat across Kyungsoo, leaning over the table. “But did you even learn anything nice on the news? It’s all about them because they dilly dally on the announcement. Not a good business move.”

“What do you think?” Kyungsoo nodded at him. “You think Junmyeon will take over the company or do you think Jongin will step in? I mean, you’ve worked with both.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I don’t know them much to say anything about it. But, it seems like they’ve really been grooming Jongin to take over the business, don’t you think? He led the company’s biggest development project. They’re making him work non-stop. They made him work his way up, too. I think it’s because they want him to learn the ropes before his takeover.”

Kyungsoo nodded as he leaned back with a sigh.

“You look like you have a lot of opinions about this.”

“I don’t like it,” Kyungsoo looked down. “I don’t like that people are deciding his life for him.”

“Do you think Jongin won’t take over the company?”

“I don’t know.” Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun who was cupping his chin over the table. “I don’t honestly know what he wants. I know he wants his brother to be happy. That’s it. But honestly, I have no idea what makes Junmyeon happy. Besides, after what happened, I’m not sure what their relationship is like anymore.”

Kyungsoo’s breath felt heavy as he laid his head on the table. “He was so hurt.”

“So were you.” Baekhyun stroked his hair gently. “You always disregard yourself like Jongin is the only person that matters in this whole equation.”

“But I’m fine,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “I really am.”

“Running away to a foreign country? You were drowning, Kyungsoo. You were drowning so you grabbed on the first rope hauled toward you and didn’t even care where it took you.”

“It’s a good, sturdy rope, Baekhyun. You have to admit that.”

“It sure is.” Baekhyun sighed. “But are you really okay or are you just saying this and doing things to compartmentalize and cope?”

With a deep breath, Kyungsoo looked up to him. His eyes laid easy on Baekhyun’s knotted eyebrows. “I’m okay.”

“Whatever you say, champ.” Baekhyun got up to grab a glass of water and Kyungsoo remained on his seat letting his mind fly to what’s left of his memories with Jongin. He tried, as much as he could, to get his mind off of Jongin but it was impossible. Whenever thoughts of Jongin came to his mind, he felt helpless and out of himself.

So he reached out to Minseok for help. “Replace the memories,” Minseok told him once. “You’re reminded of him because of the things you two used to do together. If you replace it with new memories then maybe you won’t have to break down every time memories of him pop out. Who knows? This could help in forgetting him at all.”

But it wasn’t something Kyungsoo wanted. Maybe that’s why he never really replaced the memories but dwelled on them instead. A bottle of wine? He’d think of all the good times they had until he felt nothing at all. A piece of cake? He would remember that trip, even the bad memories it entailed. Every bit of memory was anchored with thoughts of Jongin, he racked his mind until he was left with only the good ones.

Sure, it still hurt. But not as much as it did then. He couldn’t imagine how he survived that time but he did anyway and he was just thankful enough for that. Kyungsoo was thankful enough that he had Minseok and Baekhyun at the time but on his seat in transit back to Korea, he thought, “Does Jongin have anybody? Anyone at all?”

“You’ve been quiet,” Baekhyun said on their ride back home. They hired a chauffeur as per Kyungsoo’s request. “I mean, you’ve always been quiet but I can hear your brain talk even if you’re not talking. It’s weird.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were pinned on the view before him. Incheon was effortlessly disappearing before him and soon enough he was home.

“Thinking of him?”

It took a while for Kyungsoo to react. Not that he wasn’t listening but mostly because he couldn’t find the right answer to the question—if there was any. “Do you think he has friends?”

“What?”

“Like real friends. Like what you are to me.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I’ve only met him a few times and I guess he just parties a lot with his kind. I am sure he has friends. Why?”

“I just wonder. Because it helps a lot when you have someone. I wonder if he does, too. Like I do.”

Baekhyun was just as silent after that.

But Kyungsoo’s heart didn’t settle. There was a bit of a tug somewhere on his chest whenever he remembered Jongin but it was hard not to when he was always all over the 9 o’clock news. He didn’t like the way the media portrayed him. Surely, there were better ways to phrase “happy go lucky” or “carefree”. He wished he could tell everyone what type of person Jongin truly was.

But at least everyone’s questions were answered nearly two months since the death of their father. It, indeed, was quite a lot of time needed to make a decision that could cost the company’s fortune. There was an uproar and a lot of speculation even after the announcement but at least they had an answer.

_Kim Junmyeon to take over leadership at C &C, Kim Jongin remains on the board of directors _

Everyone finally had their curiosities fed. But Kyungsoo saw beyond the headline and the decision that swept the nightly news. Was the plan still on? He would never know but he was certain that whatever the decision was, Jongin wouldn’t have stood up for himself. He’d always let them know how he felt. Maybe Jongin didn’t need anybody but himself. It broke Kyungsoo’s heart but he trusted Jongin to be strong enough for himself.

~~~

It was like everyone else forgot about Jongin a week after the announcement was made. For some reason, the world felt quieter except for Kyungsoo’s head. He woke up in the morning wondering if Jongin was okay and couldn’t sleep at night imagining what his new life would be like. Would there be any changes at all? Will anyone ever bother to bring him up again at all?

But as usual, he did a great job of hiding it.

He worked day and night with a new perspective but being a boss was not his thing, especially when he’s that young. He’s out of plates to cram or projects to handle himself. He just sat on his lonely desk, in an office he never asked for, with a glass wall separating him from his best friend. He liked to get up and just watch people from where he stood. More often than not, Baekhyun would be on the other side making weird faces that made him laugh.

But he’s been very quiet lately, stooped on his desk with a bunch of crumpled up tracing paper around him. He didn’t like that Baekhyun had a notebook and a pen on his hand during dinner and he didn’t like when he barely had time for breakfast anymore. He almost had to shove an egg down Baekhyun’s throat just to get him to eat before leaving for work. Sure, it was great that Baekhyun got to lead his own project but it sure was a hard pill to swallow that he had to sacrifice his basic needs for a line on a paper.

It was sad that even when he placed a fresh sub on Baekhyun’s desk he didn’t even look up. “So, this is what it feels like to be you,” Kyungsoo said, pulling a desk chair across Baekhyun’s. He sat on it and started unwrapping the sub. “You talk and you talk but I don’t listen. You feed me but I don’t eat it. I think this is enough of a lesson for me now, Baekhyun.” He had to move the sub closer to Baekhyun’s mouth before he finally saw Baekhyun’s eyes. They were bloodshot and dark circles formed around them.

“I think I’m gonna pass out,” Baekhyun said and he just smiled. Helplessly, Baekhyun took the sub to his hand and started eating. Kyungsoo then moved his papers to a different table before pushing the cup of soda closer to him. Mouth stuffed with pastrami and bread, he started ranting. “This client is so specific with what he wants and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I think you’re doing great.” Kyungsoo scanned the sheets of tracing paper he removed from Baekhyun’s desk. “Why won’t you just try to present all ideas to him and let him pick?”

“I want to do that, of course. That’s why I’m just fleshing out all the ideas that I can. But it’s so hard when it’s your footsteps I’m following.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze darted toward Baekhyun.

“He said he saw your previous designs and really like the idea of how your structure _“flows to the natural terrain”_ ,” Baekhyun spoke, hands doing air quotes as he did. “Have you seen my stuff? He only picked me because he can’t pick you now that you’re a boss. I’m sure Yixing said no when he asked for you and just threw names around and ended up with me.”

“Tell me more?”

“Well, I mean, I’m not even an experienced project mana—”

“No,” Kyungsoo interrupted. “I mean, about the project.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun wiped the corner of his lips and flipped his notebook open to the notes he made on his first meeting with the client. “Well, he wanted to build a resort at a vineyard in Gyeongsang. He said he’s always been fascinated about it and wanted to make it a tourist destination where people can enjoy while learning about the local wine industry.”

Kyungsoo just stood still, staring at the illegible notes in Baekhyun's notebook. His head was a mess, yet again. He didn’t want to think of him but Jongin’s face just appeared again in his head. Not that he ever left.

“It’s going to be a huge project with restaurants, cellars, an events area, and even accommodations. It’s quite daunting, you see.”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo nodded and absentmindedly mumbled. “Must be.”

“Also, I know you’re a whole boss now with an office of your own. But do you think maybe you can help me brainstorm ideas for this? After all, you’re the client’s first choice.” He turned to Baekhyun and opened his mouth to say ‘no’ but who was he to refuse anyway. Firstly, it’s Baekhyun asking him a favor. Secondly, a part of him really wanted to help especially with its focus.

“Please?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Why not? I mean, it’s not a bad idea. I just sit idle in my office most of the day. Besides, I know you’ll drag me in this project at some point anyway.” He smiled but his eyes were sad, a look that was too familiar for Baekhyun not to recognize.

“It’s not him,” Baekhyun said rather consolingly, crumpling the empty wrapping paper on his hand. “It’s not him, Kyungsoo. It’s someone else.”

“I know.” He forced a smile on his lips again. “I know.”

~~~

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked as he watched Kyungsoo shift on the driver’s seat every now and then throughout the drive. “Did you wear the wrong underwear today?” He laughed but Kyungsoo didn’t even give so much as a snort. He just kept his eyes on the road, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “Look, if you’re uneasy going back to that place, I can just take pictures of the place or something.”

“I’m fine,” he said for the fifth time that day. He said the first three to himself and twice to Baekhyun he wouldn’t stop asking him. “We’re almost there. I see no reason for me to turn back.”

So, they didn’t. They kept on going until the tires of the car met the dusty exit leading toward the great vineyard. It looked exactly the same. The entrance hall that collected dust from the cars that arrived, turned a pale cream from what was supposed to be eggshell white. It wasn’t as cold but it sure looked just as empty.

Without even realizing it, Kyungsoo led the way into the facility. It was as if he was retracing the steps he took the first time he went there. He didn’t really want to but his feet just knew where to go. Into the entrance hall, he went where a few people waited. An old man came to greet Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, shoulders hunched and with a smile that warmed the place just right.

“Mr. Byun,” the old man greeted and Baekhyun politely bowed. “You brought a friend today,” he added. “You look kind of familiar, young man.”

Kyungsoo bowed to greet the old man. “I’ve been here, sir. I’m just accompanying Baekhyun here to see the site again in person.”

“It was cold that day, wasn’t it?” The old man laughed and turned his back. Baekhyun’s hand flew to squeeze Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Kyungsoo forced the corner of his lips up.

The old man led them both out to the vineyard where a lean man waited, hands in the pockets of his slim jeans. He dressed warmly with a knitted jacket on top of his button-down. He stood a lot taller than them and Kyungsoo felt a bit small standing next to him, with his sunglasses on and a little smirk on his face.

When the old man left, Baekhyun immediately reached out to shake the guy’s hand.

“You brought him over,” the guy said as he took off his glasses. “I thought Yixing was kidding when he said you two are best friends. I guess I underestimated you.” He smiled at Baekhyun who just shyly gestured at Kyungsoo. “Nice to meet you, Architect Do.”

“Please, call me Kyungsoo,” he greeted back, shaking the other’s hand. “You must be Oh Sehun.” Baekhyun disappeared to take pictures of the area.

“It’d be funny if I wasn’t,” Sehun laughed, letting go of Kyungsoo’s hand. “Can I just say? I’m a huge fan. I’m quite a fan of architecture myself. It’s one of my frustrations. It’s the reason why I decided to venture into land development.”

“So I heard,” Kyungsoo nodded. “But isn’t this quite an ambitious project for a relatively new firm?”

“It is,” he took a deep breath as he scanned the vast vineyard before him. There’s a huge chunk of the land that was unused. “But can you blame me for falling in love with the place? The moment I set foot in this place, I was sure I wanted to make some changes around here.”

“So, you’re that kind of person, huh?” Kyungsoo smiled as he watched Baekhyun greet the vintners on the field that day.

“Excuse me?”

“If you truly loved the place, why do you want to change it?” Kyungsoo looked down to his feet and Baekhyun turned his head toward them. It was like he had a whiff of an awful scent from where Kyungsoo stood. “What is it about this place that you want to change?”

Oh Sehun stood his ground, turning toward Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo turned toward Sehun and slipped his hands in his pockets as well. “With all due respect—”

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun shouted just in time. “Why won’t you take a look around?” With his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, he led him away from Sehun. “I’m sure there are parts of this place you haven’t seen yet.”

Kyungsoo glared at him.

“Just go back to being quiet, will you?” Baekhyun whispered to him. “Don’t do this. You will cost us both our jobs.” Then, Baekhyun laughed, pushing Kyungsoo away.

“I’m sorry about that,” Baekhyun turned to Sehun who just stood there watching Kyungsoo walk away. “He’s just tired. He just came home from an overseas post. He was away from home for three months so he’s kind of sentimental about everything here at home.”

“Is this your hometown?” Sehun asked as he started walking off, finally breaking his gaze from Kyungsoo’s back.

“No.”

“Did he grow up here?”

“No.”

“How many times has he been here?”

“I think, once?”

“Then why is he all worked up about changing this place?”

“Who knows?” Baekhyun chuckled as he followed Sehun around. “Who knows anything about that guy.”

“Isn’t he your best friend?”

“He is. Of course, he is. But he likes to keep some things to himself. More often than not, I have to figure things out by myself.”

Sehun nodded and stopped to pick a grape from its vine. “I have a friend just like that.” He ate the grape before walking on. “They don’t exactly tell you why they do or say things. It’s like they’re a cryptic message you have to decode every single time.” They laughed together as if they understood. “It’s so weird.”

“Forgive him, hm? He’s a really good architect but he gets sentimental about certain things.”

“Right,” Sehun nodded. “They get sentimental about… things.”

“So, tell me,” Baekhyun kept up with Sehun’s casual strides. “What drew you to this place?”

Sehun shrugged. “My friend brought me here the day he returned to work from a long break. Before that, we weren’t really friends. Just colleagues. So, I was a bit surprised when he asked me to come with him. He said he was looking into a potential project.” Sehun laughed. “I wasn’t sure I’d like the idea of going out on a drive with a colleague I barely know. But I came anyway. I thought, what the hell can he do to me anyway? Unless he’s a complete psycho — which he didn’t seem to be — I really had no reason to be afraid of coming with him.

“Anyway, he had a lot of stories during the drive here but none of them seemed to match. He had a story about how he got in a fight when he was in high school. He also had a story of how he broke his heart for the first time without diving in the details of it. Like I told you, he’s a puzzle that I had to piece together. But even today, I feel like I don’t have enough pieces to make a whole picture with.

“When we got here, the sun was already setting and there’s just one person left on the field. It was Old Man Lee. He welcomed my friend like it’s his home. It did feel like his home. Then, I found another piece for my puzzle. We walked around the place and he told me about how much his mother loved wine. He told me a story of how he tasted his first wine here at a young age — about how he hated it and stuff. And he told me how everyone in this place needed change so he wouldn’t have to remember the bad memories that kept him from moving on with his life.”

“I thought this was where he tasted his first wine? With his mom who loved wine?”

Sehun nodded and they were only halfway through the expansive field of grapes.

“Yes, that’s right. He also said this place only reminds him of how his mother left and would never return. He also said it reminded him of the first person he truly loved and how he would never return.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun looked down to his steps, dust collecting on his shoes. “He must really like wine then. Seeing he still wants to preserve the place and all.”

“Oh, he does. That’s why we’re all here today. When he asked me what I think about the place, I just blurted out the idea for the resort to which he just agreed on. It felt like a _“eureka moment”_ for both of us. When we came home, he quit his position and asked me to do the same. He made me partner for our firm and voila. I’m now a businessman just like he is.”

Baekhyun laughed. “Your partner — will I ever meet him?”

“Sure, you can. He’s here with me, actually. But he went straight for the cellar to pick up some wine for his personal rack. Jongin likes to bring home a few bottles whenever we’re here.”

Baekhyun stopped on his tracks. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, he liked to—” Sehun turned and realized Baekhyun had stopped following him. “Did I say anything wrong?”

“What did you say his name was?”

“Jongin,” Sehun said nonchalantly. “Kim Jongin.”

“Your partner… is C&C’s Kim Jongin.”

“Well, not anymore. I mean, he quit the company and sold most of his shares to his brother to put up our firm. He said he didn’t want to be associated with C&C as much as possible.”

“Your partner—” Baekhyun stepped closer to Sehun as he spoke. “—was C&C’s Kim Jongin and you somehow decided you’ll hire _our_ firm to handle your _first_ development project?”

“Oh, yes! He was quite eager about that part. He said he only trusted one firm and one firm alone. I didn’t want to go against his will. After all, he has more shares in this company than me.”

“Did he tell you to ask for Do Kyungsoo to handle the project?”

“No, actually. He told me to ask you. I’m the one who insisted on Do Kyungsoo. At least I tried but after finding out he made it to junior partner, I had to just follow as Jongin requested. Why are you so worked up about this, Baekhyun?”

“So, you’re telling me, your partner — Kim Jongin — is in this vineyard and he knows I am bringing Do Kyungsoo with me to inspect the site today?”

“Y-Yes…” Sehun chuckled nervously. “You’re starting to freak me out with your freaking out, Baekhyun.”

“God, no…” Baekhyun shook his head and started running off without any warning at all; Oh Sehun left with no choice but to run after him.

“Byun Baekhyun!” He attempted to call out a few times but to no avail. Baekhyun, somehow, was eager to get to where he was headed as fast as he could. He didn’t even know where to go. But he knew he had to follow where Kyungsoo went before it’s too late.

“Excuse me, sir,” he approached the old man that welcomed them earlier. “Did you see where the grumpy little guy went?”

“Oh, I believe he went to the cellar. Why—”

Baekhyun bowed in gratitude before running off again, leaving Sehun panting as he stopped where the old man stood. Together, they watched Baekhyun run to the cellar.

Baekhyun shouted as loud as he could. “Kyungsoo! Do Kyungsoo!”

But it was too late. Because by the door where he stood, he saw Kyungsoo stunned, facing a man whose face he couldn’t make out, blurred by light and covered by barrels over barrels of aging wine. With a few steps he saw him and he was just a minute too late.

Kyungsoo stood there facing him for the first time since the day he heard Jongin say, “We’ll be fine.” How he wished he listened. So he didn’t have to break his heart again, seeing him for the first time in months.

But only one thought occurred to him the moment they laid eyes on each other again. _Finally, Kim Jongin._


	11. Chapter 11

~~~

Jongin stood at the top floor of the building. It had an astonishing view of the city that was blooming with the spring. The floor to ceiling window welcomed the sun’s warmth into the room and the wooden floors gleamed with fresh polish. There was no greater view than that place and Jongin was standing right at the height of success. But he was only there for a brief moment. He decided it wasn’t his place and as much as he liked being there, he didn’t feel like he belonged there.

Not without giving it to the right person.

“You’re early,” Junmyeon spoke as he walked into his office. He had a vintage branded attache on one hand and his phone on the other. He wasn’t even officially CEO yet but he could barely look up from his phone. “I was going to ask if we could have breakfast together but I completely forgot about my 9 o’clock.”

Jongin just looked at him with a smile, hands in the pockets of his trousers.

“I have to meet with Mr. Yoon today. He has an idea about buying out Esteem.” Junmyeon checked his watch as he put down the bag on his desk. “Would you care to join us?”

“I have a 9 o’clock as well,” Jongin said, smiling. His brother immediately caught on the smile that he had to give Jongin a double-take.

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon took his glasses from a case in his bag and put it on just to make sure he was seeing it right. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“I am, actually. I asked PR to do an announcement at 9 o’clock and told your secretary to push your meeting for lunch. I wanted to have breakfast with you.”

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon walked around his desk and leaned against it, facing Jongin. “What announcement?”

Jongin grabbed an envelope from the inner pocket of his coat and handed it over to Junmyeon. “I really liked the office, you know? The view and how the height is just perfect so you won’t feel too high up or too low down.”

Junmyeon grabbed the letter in the envelope and started reading, eyebrows pulled together.

“But I guess I don’t like offices like this. I did come to appreciate what we do here. I just don’t think it’s all I want to do.”

“A resignation letter?” Junmyeon looked at Jongin with a disgruntled look on his face. “You’re resigning?”

“What does it say in the letter?” Jongin laughed but Junmyeon just grumbled under his breath. “Look, I can’t be the CEO. No matter how I try to put it, this just can’t be it. You care more about C&C than I do. You love this job, this place, everything about the industry a lot more than I do. I don’t want to stand in your way of you and success.”

“I’ll be fine wherever I am.” Junmyeon folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope. “You don’t have to leave.” He pushed the envelope closer to Jongin.

“But I want to,” Jongin said, shaking his head as he pushed Junmyeon’s hand away. “I’ve given this a lot of thought, actually. I looked back to the reason why we’re here now and it’s all about revenge and hurting other people. We lived our lives motivated by hate and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“I went back to the vineyard where mom took me when I was a kid. You know I am always there right? It’s practically my second home. I brought Manager Oh with me just in case but he seemed to be a really cool guy after all. I wasn’t planning on doing anything with the place but soon as we arrived, I felt so hurt and so stupid.”

“I came back to that place hoping I would see my mother again. Maybe something will lead her back to that place and then we’ll see each other again. I keep going back there hoping she’ll come to realize that her son has always been waiting for her. But as it turns out she might not ever return, at all. And then I was just stuck with a realization that I’ve lived my life hoping something else could bring people back to me.”

Jongin took a deep breath as he went back by the window. “I was wrong. People wouldn’t return to places that bring them pain. Not without motivation. Not without a push.”

“So, I’m giving her one,” He said, turning to Junmyeon with a smile. “This is my last straw, Junmyeon. If she doesn’t come back then so be it. After this, I won’t go running after people who only wanted to hide.”

“Are you sure about this?” Junmyeon asked, offering the envelope once again.

Jongin nodded. “I’m pretty damn sure about this.”

Junmyeon, then, took a deep breath and raised the envelope. “No backsies?”

“You can ask me a hundred times and I will still tell you the same thing.”

“Alright then. Good luck out there.” He offered a handshake to Jongin to which his younger brother grabbed. They shook their hands once before pulling each other on a tight hug. “We’ll still be seeing each other at home, right?”

“For now, yes. You don’t have to move out yet.” They laughed and pulled away, smiling at each other like they did when they were younger.

“How about Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon asked with caution, peeking through his glasses. “How are you going to find him?”

“I have a pretty damn good idea about that as well.”

~~~

“What are you wearing?” Jongin snorted soon as Sehun stepped out to the vineyard that day. “Sunglasses? Really?”

“What?” Sehun revolted. “So, you can wear sunglasses and I can’t? For your information, I look amazing right now.”

“Do you though?” Jongin leaned his head on one side before shaking his head with a laugh.

“You know what, you’re just pissed because I look good all dressed up. Now, people won’t mistake me for your secretary anymore.” Sehun exhaled and ran his hand through his hair once. “Besides, I’m a company president now. I have to look the part. You said so yourself. You even made me buy a new car.”

“It was a suggestion!” Jongin chuckled then went down to his knee as he went back to harvesting grapes. “I said your car looks like it will break down any second so I _suggested_ you get a new car. It’s not my fault your car actually broke down two days later.”

“They feel things, Jongin.” Sehun gruntled, squatting beside him. “If you let them hear that they’re going to die or that they’re useless, they will die or be useless. Why do you think printers jam when you’re in a hurry?”

“Whatever.” Jongin cut a grape from its vine and put it in his basket.

“Rich people like you don’t know this because you can easily replace things as you wish.”

“Oh, don’t lecture me about that again!” Jongin glared at him. “I’m so sick of it.”

“You’re an independent twenty-something now. You just invested in a massive project without thinking if it’s going to pay off. Of course, I am going to tell you about these things. The moment you left C&C, you lost the luxury to spend your money as you wish.”

“I am still pretty rich, you know?”

“I know! But soon enough, you won’t be if you still spend like you’re the billionaire you were before.”

Jongin took a deep breath and got up, his pants stained with brown from the soil beneath him. “Are you done?”

“I have more to tell you but I’m going to save that for later.” Sehun got up and stretched his limbs.

“I’m gonna be in the cellar. Text me when they arrive.” Jongin then grabbed his basket and walked off with a smile on his face.

“Why are you giving the young man such a hard time?” Old Man Lee asked as he walked with Jongin to the cellar.

“I am not. I am training him.” Jongin laughed. “Sehun was a great employee but I want him to be a leader now. It’s different now that there’s just two of us.”

“He seems to be adjusting well, though.”

“He’s doing just fine. Did you hear the way he lectures me? He immediately forgot that I was his boss. I think he’s doing pretty well for himself.”

“How about you?” The old man asked him as they stopped right by the door of the cellar. “Have you been okay?”

Jongin took a deep breath and turned to the man as he grabbed on the cellar door. “Better. Don’t worry about me. Aren’t you just glad I am here now?” With a laugh, he entered the cellar alone, putting the basket of grapes down at a corner. The shelves were, as usual, clean and in fine shape. The caretakers make a lot of effort to keep the barrels in good shape. After all, it was everyone’s source of income.

He grabbed a bottle from a shelf and held it close to his body with care. His hands ghosted over the others on the rack. It was as if nothing about the place had changed despite everything that happened. For a moment Jongin wished he was back on the day he brought Kyungsoo to that place. Everything would have been different, he thought. He wouldn’t have to worry about hurting Kyungsoo anymore.

Even as he sat on the same crate he sat on that day, Jongin didn’t ever think it was all the same. “It’s different,” he mumbled to himself. He didn’t, however, expect the chuckle that followed. He stopped soon as he caught himself. His smile recessed to a flat line and he got up, heading back for his basket but it was if he an invisible wall pushed him back. His grips on the bottle tightened and his eyes widened.

He couldn’t believe what he saw.

“You…” he mumbled under his breath unable to say his name. Then, as if suddenly, everything went back to the way it was. On that day.

He stood staring at Kyungsoo unable to find the right words to say. He was almost sure he prepared for that moment. But it had to be at that moment that his tongue went dull and froze to his throat. Jongin almost smiled. He almost cried. But he couldn’t.

“Hi,” was all Kyungsoo could say before hearing his name from a distance. Then the cellar door swung open. His head turned and in Baekhyun’s eyes were a mix of worry and anger. “Baekhyun.”

“I didn’t know,” Baekhyun stood right next to Kyungsoo. “I swear, I didn’t know. Sehun didn’t know either. I swear.”

“Hey,” Kyungsoo placed his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

“Let’s go,” Baekhyun grabbed his hand and tugged on it.

“Go where?”

“Home.”

Kyungsoo smiled and placed a free hand over Baekhyun’s. “It’s okay. I won’t be too long.”

Baekhyun just looked at him with pleading eyes but with Kyungsoo’s smile, he let go. “I’ll be right outside,” Baekhyun said, but toward Jongin. “Don’t even think about it.”

“About what?” Jongin mumbled under his breath. He watched as Baekhyun closed the door behind him as he left before. Shaking his head, he turned back to Kyungsoo who was smiling to himself. “Just like the last time I saw you,” he said.

“What?”

“Your smile,” Jongin put his bottle in the basket with the grapes. “It’s just like the last time I saw you. It never changed.”

“It went away for a while.” Kyungsoo exhaled heavily as he walked toward the rack of bottles behind Jongin.

“I’m glad we didn’t have to see each other through all that.” Jongin’s eyes remained pinned on Kyungsoo as he spoke. “I can’t imagine you without that smile.”

From where Jongin stood, he saw Kyungsoo’s cheeks lift.

“You planned all this, didn’t you?”

“Barely.” Jongin shrugged. “I mean, I’ve thought of drawing you back here and I know I had it all planned in my head. But now that you’re here, it’s impossible to recall whatever it is I planned on saying.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Jongin, you have to know, Junmyeon came to me that day. I didn’t—”

“I know,” Jongin sighed. “I know, Kyungsoo. I get it now. And I forgive you. I’ve forgiven Junmyeon too and practically everyone around me, including myself.”

“Still,” Kyungsoo said, turning back to Jongin. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” Jongin took a step toward Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel safe when you were with me. I’m sorry you had to go through all that pain because of me. You really didn’t deserve it. And I wish I’d have made our relationship feel a lot more secure before telling Junmyeon.”

“I just jumped in the gun without even thinking of what could happen. I never thought Junmyeon would do it but even if I did, I don’t think I would be able to protect you. I didn’t know better then and you had to hurt because of that.” Jongin stood an inch too close next to Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo smiled. “I’m glad you’ve forgiven yourself too. I’m glad you let go of all the things that hurt you. This place, what happened…” Kyungsoo took a deep breath. “…us.”

“Kyungsoo, I’m not.” Jongin took a step back, shaking his head. “I’m not letting go of us. I planned for all this to happen so I get to see you again.”

“But we’ve hurt each other enough, Jongin. There’s too much past going on here for us to just go back to the way we were. It’s not that easy.”

“So, you didn’t want to see me too? Am I the only one who wanted this to happen?”

“No!” Kyungsoo buried his face on his hand as he stepped away from Jongin. “I wanted to see you. But I just needed to know if you’re okay and if you have anyone at all. I see you’ve forgiven Junmyeon. It mustn’t be easy but at least you have your brother back.”

“But _I_ want you back.” Jongin pulled Kyungsoo by the wrist just to see his eyes again. “Don’t you want me too?”

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo shook his head. “I owe it to myself and to everyone around me to find my truth before letting feelings get the best of me. I let that happen with you — with us. I won’t let it happen anymore.”

“What do you want me to do, Kyungsoo?”

“I want you to let me be. All this turned out for the better, you see? We’re lucky enough to get out of this alive. Look at you with your own company. You’re being independent! Now that I see it, I know I need to do something for myself as well and I can’t risk having to hurt you in the process of that.”

“What could you possibly do to hurt me, Kyungsoo?”

“A lot, apparently.” Kyungsoo’s voice was beginning to tense up. “You may have figured yourself out and you may be ready to tell the world about it but I am not. I’m not there yet.”

“Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because it’s not your responsibility Jongin.”

“But I want to help you!”

“I see one thing never changed,” Kyungsoo chuckled. “You’re still stubborn.”

“I am and you’re not leaving this place until you take me back.” Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand on his, gripping tightly. “I never do this for anyone. You know that right?”

“I do,” Kyungsoo said softly, taking his hand back. “And I am flattered, really. But this isn’t something I need _help_ with. But I am glad you’re okay. I really am, Jongin.” With a smile, Kyungsoo turned his back and headed straight for the door.

“Let me wait then,” Jongin spoke just before Kyungsoo turned the knob. “At least let me wait.”

“I’d like it if you don’t.”

Jongin watched as Kyungsoo disappeared out of the door and as much as he’d like to follow him, his feet won’t move — not an inch toward the door.

~~~

When Baekhyun arrived in his apartment, Kyungsoo was already drinking wine by the kitchen. He wanted to throw his crate on Kyungsoo for leaving him in the vineyard to ride with Sehun back to Seoul but he couldn’t get himself too. Not when his shoulders were slumped, down half a bottle of wine. Kyungsoo was staring at nothing in particular but he sure looked like he wanted to break the vase with his eyes.

“I should be mad that you left me out there with a client but I’m kind of thankful you did because I wouldn’t want to know what made you think you can break things with your eyes.” Baekhyun stepped in Kyungsoo’s line of sight and grabbed a wine glass on the side. “Care to share?”

Kyungsoo smiled and poured him some. “Old Man Lee gave it to me on my way out. He said it’s a gift. I’m pretty sure Jongin made him give it.”

“Give the old man some credit.” Baekhyun swirled the drink in his glass and observed Kyungsoo’s smile. “He’s quite nice. He does seem like the type to give people something to bring home every now and then.” Baekhyun then darted his eyes toward the crate by the door. “If you stayed later, we would have had all that and more.”

“I’m happy with my bottle of wine.”

“Because it’s from Jongin?”

Kyungsoo sipped from his drink and raised an eyebrow at Baekhyun. “No.”

“It’s okay. It’s just us here.” Baekhyun chuckled before sipping on his drink. “Tell me. You knew he’d be there, didn’t you?”

“It’s just weird. A new company investing in a high-risk project at a vineyard in Gyeongsang? That’s a lot of ambition. One way or another Jongin _will be_ involved. I didn’t know he would be there today but I was pleased to see him, Baekhyun. I really was.”

“And now you’re sad because once again, you ran.”

“You’re the one who’s keeping me from seeing him.”

“Well, I didn’t know what crazy thing you’re about to do. But seeing how well you handled yourself there—”

“Seeing?” Kyungsoo looked up with a raised eyebrow. “You were watching me?”

“Well— No! Why would I watch you?!” Baekhyun took a deep breath and put his glass down. “I’m saying, Kyungsoo, you know better now. You love yourself more now and, miraculously, his crazy charms don't affect you at all.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Kyungsoo said with a sigh. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hug him and just… run away with him. But I had to hold back.” Kyungsoo drank up the rest of his drink and walked over to the sink to wash his glass. “I’m going home for a while, Baekhyun. I’m going to file a leave of absence, maybe for a week or so. I’m going to talk to my parents and tell them about me.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“I know,” Kyungsoo put the glass down, still foaming with soap. “That’s why I’m so scared. I couldn’t just take Jongin back like that. What if I get cold feet and end up hurting him? What if my parents don’t accept me? What if they say mean things to him? I can’t let him go through that.”

Baekhyun walked over to Kyungsoo and placed a hand on his best friend’s back. “Hey…”

Kyungsoo turned to him with worry in his eyes. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You will when you’re there.” Baekhyun started rinsing their glasses. He then took Kyungsoo’s hand and ran water through it until the foam was gone. “But you can always bring me with you, get me drunk, and I can do the job for you.”

He chuckled as Baekhyun wiped his hand dry. “Thanks, Baekhyun. But I’m going to have to do this on my own.”

After his conversation with Baekhyun, Kyungsoo found himself packing for an early drive back home. He brought just the essentials, expecting only a few days stay — perhaps even shorter. When he woke up, Baekhyun had already gone to work but breakfast had already been served. It wasn’t every day that Baekhyun cooked but he did put a lot of effort into the meal. He might have forgotten to season the egg but he sure cooked the Spam just fine. There was rice, a bit undone but cooked enough to fill him up for the ride.

It shouldn’t even take him an hour to get there but even after leaving before lunch, he arrived half-past three. Surely, his father wasn’t so impressed with seeing him arrive at such a time.

“Don’t you have better things to do in Seoul?” His father asked soon as they met outside their house. Kyungsoo was just alighting from his car and his father's expression was just as it was when Kyungsoo left for college. There was no concern whatsoever. He was just a stoic man with no expression. Sometimes, he wished he was a lot more like his mother but he realized early on that his father was easier to relate to.

Kyungsoo just stared at his father who went straight into the house leaving the gate open for his son. He smiled as he entered the house.

“I’m home,” he announced, a bit half-heartedly.

~~~

Junmyeon trod carefully on the wooden floors of their home, careful not to disturb Jongin if he was sleeping. In the past week, since he had stepped down from his position and started a company of his own, he had grown to be a light sleeper. It wasn’t usually the case. He can stumble on a vase and Jongin wouldn’t even realize it if no one told him. Despite his decision that Jongin claimed to have set him free, he didn’t seem alright at all.

He didn’t even dare peek in Jongin’s room to check if he was sleeping. Instead, he went straight for the kitchen to grab a glass of water. But soon as he stepped into the living room, he noticed the low light coming from the dining area. Jongin didn’t like to sit there because there’s a huge family portrait hanging on the wall.

With careful steps, he walked to the dining room, and to his surprise, Jongin sat with a bottle of wine about three quarters through. He was looking straight at the portrait with a glass on his hand.

“Goodness, Jongin,” Junmyeon sighed in relief. “What the hell are you doing up? And why are you standing there so creepily for?”

Jongin laughed and spread his arms at the sight of his brother. “Junmyeon!”

Junmyeon just shot him a look, weirded out. “How much have you drank?” He asked and Jongin was already leaning his whole weight on him, embracing his brother tightly.

“I have no idea. It’s like I’m never running out of wine to drink!” He laughed and pulled away to drink up the rest of his glass. “I’m glad you’re awake, though. I was going to ask you if we can take this picture down.” He poured his glass full of wine to the rim.

“Of course, we can. This is your house after all.”

“Hell yeah!” Jongin laughed and fell back on a pulled out chair and started drinking his glass half empty.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Junmyeon carefully took the glass from Jongin who didn’t even protest at his brother’s actions. “No more wine for you, mister.”

“But I like wine,” he frowned, cupping his chin over the long grand dining table. “It’s not as bitter as other alcohol and they smell fruity!”

Junmyeon just laughed as he set aside the bottle and the glass away from Jongin’s reach. “I know you do. I know you like wine. But that’s enough for now. You’re drunk.”

“I don’t like getting drunk,” he sighed and blew air right up the few strands of hair that tickled his nose. “I hurt people when I’m drunk.”

“No, you don’t.” Junmyeon sat at the head of the table, keeping his eye on his brother. “I’m sure you don’t.”

“Sure, I do! I hurt you,” he started counting, with his fingers too. “I hurt Kyungsoo. I hurt Dad once, I think. I hurt everybody. If Mom was here, she’d be ashamed of what I’ve become.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because I’m not supposed to hurt the people I love and I’m not supposed to let them go.” Jongin dropped his head on the table, making a little thud. Junmyeon almost got up in concern but Jongin’s sigh proved him okay. “But I hurt people and I let them go. I let her go. I let Kyungsoo go.”

“She went away to protect you,” Junmyeon stared and all he could see was a shadow that cast over Jongin’s eyes. “Besides with all the effort you’re making in finding her, I don’t think you’ve completely let go of her yet. Not even Kyungsoo. Did you see him today?”

Jongin nodded. “But he won’t take me back. Junmyeon, he said he can’t take me back.”

“I’m sure he has a valid reason.”

“Does he?” Jongin sat up straight with a frown on his face. “I waited for this perfect moment! I planned everything ahead! I don’t know what happened while I was away but now he thinks he wants to be out there on his own! Without me!”

“Hey,” Junmyeon got up to sit right next to Jongin. “Kyungsoo is his own person. And you two have been through a lot. A lot of it is my fault too, I know. Don’t look at me like that. But maybe he does need some time for himself to think or to evaluate whether or not he’s ready to be in a serious committed relationship with you.”

“But I am not my father’s son now. I am me! I am Kim Jongin of my own company with my own ventures doing my own thing!”

“Of course, you are! But where does that put him? Where do you expect him to stand when it looks like you already have your whole life figured out. You left no space for him there. Of course, he’s going to ask for some time for himself. He wanted to know his own value and how much of it means to you.”

Jongin rubbed his eyes and stared at his brother, feeling the heat of the alcohol run all over his body.

“I did play a huge part in pushing you two away from each other but it seems to me you don’t realize what it actually entailed to have a partner who valued himself too.” Junmyeon leaned over his thighs so his eyes met Jongin’s. “You can’t just expect him to jump back in the relationship with you. You have to show him that there is a place for him in your life now that everything has changed. You have to let him know that you secured a spot for him to make him feel safe and just as true to himself as you are now.”

“Jongin, Kyungsoo is a grown man and I’m sure he knows what he wants. But he has to know that you’re on the same page with him.”

“But I let him go again,” Jongin mumbled, looking down on his trembling hands. “I let him go and I don’t even know where he went. What if I lost him forever?”

“Oh, please!” Junmyeon straightened up and crossed his legs. “How many times have you let him go? And how many times have you found him again?”

“What if this is different?”

“What if you stop asking me and start asking yourself the right questions?” Junmyeon raised an eyebrow at him before getting up from his seat, heading straight toward the kitchen. “God, I’m parched.”

Soon as Junmyeon disappeared into the kitchen, Jongin was out of the dining area, heading straight for his room as if he was suddenly sobered up. He swiftly grabbed his phone and dialed a familiar number — the only answer to his question.

“Where is Kyungsoo?” he asked and a groggy groan answered on the other line. “Baekhyun, this is urgent. I have to know where he is.”

 _“Do you have any idea what time it is?!”_ Baekhyun grumbled. _“I haven’t slept at all in a week and this is the only chance I get before the stupid meeting tomorrow. Couldn’t you have asked me after my meeting was over?!”_

 _“I’m sorry!”_ Jongin exclaimed as he grabbed whatever was in his closet into a duffel. _“I know you’re having a hard time with our project but I really need to know where Kyungsoo is right now. I need to see him. Immediately.”_

_“Look, he’s at his parents' place. Only the bravest people go there without Kyungsoo to accompany them. Heck, even Kyungsoo’s afraid of his own parents. Do you know how scared Kyungsoo was to go there alone?! Let me tell you about the day he got a B in a major subject—”_

“I have no time for your stories. I just need to know where he is.” Jongin placed the bag on his bed and sighed. “Please?”

Baekhyun sighed. _“Fine! But if Kyungsoo ever attempts to kill me for telling you, you’re going to have to stand in the way and tell him you threatened me for this. I’m just doing this because you sound so desperate and I’m kind of scared for Kyungsoo coming out without anyone to defend him too.”_

“What?” Jongin stood there motionless.

_“The only reason he’s going home is that he wants to tell his parents he likes boys. He might drop a name or two but I’m sure it wouldn’t be pleasant because his father is uptight and his mother is too religious for her own good.”_

“And you let him go alone?!”

_“But he insisted!”_

“Whatever. Just send me his address and I’ll reconsider hitting you with a spade on groundbreaking.” Jongin hung up and threw his phone right by his duffel before forcing his bag shut. After throwing a few shirts off his getaway bag, his phone lit up with a message from Baekhyun.

It was Kyungsoo’s address.

He could have waited for the sun to rise but his adrenaline won’t let him. He just couldn’t let Kyungsoo go again that easily. Not when he knew what Kyungsoo was about to do. So he jumped in the car and dashed right out of the compound without thinking much.

Jongin trusted that Kyungsoo knew what he was doing. He started to realize what Kyungsoo meant when he said he owed it to himself to be true. But he didn’t want to see Kyungsoo suffer the pain of being pushed away by his own family for being different. He hated it when Junmyeon did that to Kyungsoo and he couldn’t just lie on his bed and imagine him taking a beating from his parents for the same thing. He failed to protect Kyungsoo once, he was not going to let it happen again.

Jongin sped his way through the empty highways and hastened as if the world was chasing after him. He held on to his steering wheel with a tight grip as if it was going to make him any faster. Every stop sign, he ignored. Every yellow light, he chased.

He wanted to be there for Kyungsoo. He wanted to protect Kyungsoo. So he ran through all the red lights as much as he could. Drove as far as he could.

Until a blinding bright light kicked his instinct to hit the break. Just before the intersection, a semi-trailer truck blew past him with a loud horn. Jongin’s heart pumped blood fast and warm all over his body. His breathing picked up as he realized how close he was to what death could have been. But he was safe. Next to a red light, he collected his thoughts.

He was okay, he thought to himself. He was alive and it was all that mattered.

And as the light turned green, he carefully stepped on a glass starting at a safe 20 kilometers per hour. But right in the middle of the intersection, a crash sent his car tumbling across.

A speeding Porsche hit his own and both tumbled like tin cans on the wide empty road.

Jongin didn’t even have time to scream or to process his thoughts. He toppled with the car with no sensation on his body, unable to perceive what happened just yet.

He blacked out for what felt like a split second right after the crash. There was warm liquid from his nape to the crown of his head. No, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. It didn’t make sense that things were falling upwards. It didn’t make sense that the ground was above him and that the stale sky was beneath him. It didn’t make sense that a slow, unbearable pain began to creep over him.

He attempted to scream but no words came out not when it felt like he was drowning on land. A taste of rust was coming up from his stomach up to the roof of his mouth. Jongin coughed out a thick substance he almost couldn’t recognize, unable to discern where it came from.

 _“Give us back our money!”_ He could almost hear them scream as he felt something sharp impale him right through his stomach. _“Who’re you going to call now, huh?”_

 _No…_ He wanted to tell them. _Don’t hurt my brother!_ He wanted to scream but he couldn’t.

Then he felt something warm against his cheek. It was his mother that he saw, smiling with the most beautiful smile he ever saw. _“I’m home, Jongin. I’m home now.”_ He smiled but his lips hurt. No, his mouth hurt including his jaw.

“Stay with us, sir!” He heard with a hand tightly gripped on his. Jongin finally understood what it felt like holding Kyungsoo in his arms. It felt like floating. Like he was being carried away by the clouds where no one could hurt them. But it hurt this time. Everything ached and he couldn’t understand why.

 _Kyungsoo._ He wanted to say his name but it came out a cough and the drowning feeling pulled him down.

 _“Squeeze my hand,”_ he heard Kyungsoo say and so he did. He squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand that was on his and he didn’t want to let go. He gripped on it so tightly, Kyungsoo smiled and his eyes arched like they always did. He never thought he’d see it again but he did. _“It’s okay, Jongin,”_ he heard Kyungsoo say. _“Relax. I won’t be going anywhere.”_ And it was enough for him to let go.

His grip loosened and as a bright light escaped through his lids.

And for the last time, he heard Kyungsoo’s voice tell him, _“It’s okay, Jongin. You can let go."_


	12. Chapter 12

~~~

Everybody at the Do Residence woke up as early as five in the morning. There certainly wasn’t much to do but Kyungsoo was almost certain the older people get, the earlier they woke up. It was like his parents were just both tired. Still, he couldn’t understand why his father preferred to work despite his old age and with Kyungsoo providing them their basic needs.

“Let me help,” Kyungsoo volunteered as he saw his mother prepare to make a fresh batch of Kimchi. He was on his usual track pants, hair still messy from getting out of bed. He wore his thick-rimmed glasses then put on a pair of rubber gloves that were too big for him and his mother.

“Why did you come home?” His mother asked as he grabbed bottles and bottles of ingredients from one corner of the kitchen. “Is everything okay?” She sat on a low stool right by a large basin.

“Everything is great, actually,” Kyungsoo smiled as he twisted every cap of each bottle open. “I have an office of my own now. It has a nice view. But I kind of miss sitting next to Baekhyun. My office is so quiet and closed off even with the glass walls and doors.”

“I’m so proud of you, son.” His mother smiled at him and he couldn’t help but look away. “But are you sure everything _ is  _ great?”

Kyungsoo shrugged and started measuring ingredients to his mother’s recipe. He had already mastered how many cups of which were needed after all the times he’d helped her make kimchi. “I’m happy with where I am, career-wise. But there’s something missing, Mom.”

“You mean, love?” His mother giggled. She always liked the idea of attending Kyungsoo’s wedding and taking care of her grandchildren. She didn’t hide that at all. In fact, she kept telling Kyungsoo about it that he grew more and more scared each time, wondering if they’d be able to accept him for who he was.

“Yeah, well, you can say that.”

“What happened with Mr. Bae’s daughter?”

“Joohyun was great, Mom. But it just wasn’t it.”

“Well, if you tell me what exactly you like about women then I would have better blind dates for you in the future.”

“That’s what I was going to tell you,” Kyungsoo said as he poured the fish sauce into the mixture in the basin. “I don’t want another blind date, Mom.”

“Have you met someone? I’d like to meet her as soon as possible, then.” Her mother’s voice didn’t sound enthusiastic at all. She always had an idea of what Kyungsoo’s wife would be like. She should be a successful woman who could keep up with Kyungsoo’s success but she should be able to get along well with her when it comes to certain things like cooking or simple home gardening.

“I have met someone. Someone very important to me. And I won’t let you meet this person until you promise that you’ll be kind and respectful to them no matter what.”

“I’ve always been and respectful to the people you meet!”

“Because  _ you _ set them up for me!” Kyungsoo raised his voice to his mother’s surprise. “I am not sure this person will suit whatever standard you’re setting for my future partner at all but I am in love. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually am. I am not forced to get in the morning thinking about how to impress someone else. It comes naturally now and it makes me happy knowing this person loves me. This love makes me feel great about myself.”

Kyungsoo’s mom had never heard him raise his voice or talk so passionately about anyone before. Her gaze softened soon as Kyungsoo went back to mixing the kimchi’s seasonings. “Leave.”

“Mom…”

“Leave if you’re angry. The kimchi will taste bad if you season it with anger, Kyungsoo. You know better than that.”

“I’m not mad,” Kyungsoo sighed as he went on with adding the red chili pepper flakes in the mixture. “I just want you to know that I am very capable of making my own decisions now. I can determine who I love but I want you to trust me with who I choose.” Kyungsoo took a deep breath, eyes pinned on the pool of red before him. “Even if it’s another man.”

The stillness that wrapped them both sent blood right up Kyungsoo’s head. Suddenly, he was lightheaded. His heart was beating fast and his hands turned cold. His feet curled he couldn’t even dare look up to see how his mother would react to what he just said.

Kyungsoo was afraid and he hated every second of it.

“I-I know—” Kyungsoo spoke to break the silence. “—this isn’t how you expected things to happen but I had most my life to figure this out. And I knew even as a boy that I liked other boys.” He felt his mouth dry up that he had to take a quick gulp. “And I also know this could be hard for you to accept but I just hope you give me a chance. Because at the end of the day I’m still your son.”

“Are you?” His mother’s voice was calm but shaky, breaking with a hitch in her breathing.

“Mom…” He looked up and tears were brimming in his mother’s eyes. “Mom, please, I—”

“Kyungsoo!” His father’s voice emerged from the hallway, angry and somehow still disoriented like he was woken up in the middle of a good dream. “Your phone has been ringing nonstop!” On his hand was Kyungsoo’s phone, lit up with a bunch of unread notifications. “I’m trying to get some rest here!”

In a panic, Kyungsoo got up and removed his gloves by the sink before taking his phone from his father’s hand. “I’m sorry, Dad,” he said. His eyes darted on the bright screen and there were endless missed calls from Baekhyun and an unsaved number. Then he felt something on his chest that didn’t sit right with him. So he dialed Baekhyun’s number immediately and he didn’t expect a sullen voice on the other line.

_ “Kyungsoo,” _ he spoke.  _ “It’s Jongin. There’s been an accident.” _

Then he felt his world crash all around him. Like there was only darkness. He couldn’t even comprehend what Baekhyun was trying to say.

_ “He was found just in time but he’s in a critical condition. His surgery still isn’t over. It’s been three hours.” _

“No,” he told himself. He knew right then and there was that he needed to get to wherever Jongin was —  _ quick _ . But he didn’t even know where to go. He didn’t have his keys with him or his shoes on when he stepped out of the house. He was in a trance and he just couldn’t snap himself out of it.

So he didn’t know how he got to the hospital, with shoes on. But he knew Baekhyun was waiting for him right by the emergency room, in a tracksuit with disheveled hair and a morose look on his face.

“Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun wrapped his best friend in his embrace and Kyungsoo couldn’t help the tears that streamed his face.

“Is he going to be alright?”

“We hope so, Kyungsoo. God, we hope so.”

~~~

Kyungsoo sat at a corner at the waiting lounge, hands clasped with each other. He leaned over his thighs, shoulders slumped. If there was anything Kyungsoo hated the most, it was waiting. It was how he noticed every second tick and the uncertainty that followed it. He hated how the colons on the digital clock above the information desk blinked and how he couldn’t do anything about it. He hated the way everyone around him cried so quietly that he couldn’t even get his own tears to swallow him.

He buried his head in his hands as he attempted to ignore everything he hated bundled up in one room. And on the gap between his fingers, he saw a cup of tea being handed right at him. “No, thank you,” he said.

“You’ll need it,” he heard a familiar voice said. As he looked up, he saw Junmyeon — the same person who drove him away from Jongin. But it wasn’t what he saw that day in the hospital. He saw Jongin’s brother, overwhelmed by guilt and worry — tired and weary.

Kyungsoo took the warm paper cup to his hand and mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ to which Junmyeon replied with a smile.

“It’s chamomile,” he added. “I didn’t know what you’d like.”

“This is just fine,” Kyungsoo said as he blew by the rim of the cup, watching the smoke go up.

“He’s going to be okay,” Junmyeon said. Somehow, he sounded like he was convinced by his own words. But his face couldn’t lie. “I know Jongin. Even as a child, he’s already had his fair share of life-threatening situations happening all around him and to him. He’s too stubborn not to survive this.”

“I’m glad you can say that,” Kyungsoo replied. “But it’s hard to be positive right now. It’s been four hours since he went in there, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon mumbled.

“Don’t be. You meant well.”

“No, Kyungsoo. I mean, I am sorry… for what I did.”

Kyungsoo looked up to him with somber eyes and forced a smile across his lips. “I meant the same about that too.”

“I’ve always wanted to come to you and apologize personally, maybe get you to meet my brother too but I was afraid I would only cause more pain than mend things. I was wrong for what I did to you and to Jongin. Have I not stepped in, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“It already did, Junmyeon. And it was nobody’s fault. It was an accident.”

“The thing is…” Junmyeon sighed. “I talked to Jongin right before he drove all the way here to meet you. I told him about how must have felt with him suddenly asking you to get back with him. I’ve done it again. I’ve overstepped my boundaries and made him drive down here.”

“Look, Junmyeon, each one of us would feel guilty one way or another. Each one of us would blame ourselves for what happened. Me for turning him down and making him chase me all the way down here. Baekhyun for telling him where I am. And you for encouraging him to come down here.” Kyungsoo placed his drink down on the small table beside his seat and sighed. “But there’s no point in doing that now. Whatever happened has already happened. Whether or not Jongin survives this, our guilt won’t make up for the pain this has caused him.”

Kyungsoo got up and stormed off the waiting lounge, suffocated and exasperated. The sun was already up when he stepped out to the garden. At least everyone there, even those on wheelchairs with casts, looked peaceful and calm. No clock ticking. Not a single person crying.

He wanted to be alone with his thoughts for a moment but it was harder than he thought. Suddenly, he hated that everyone around him was happy — or at least appeared to be. He couldn’t even hide his disdain when his father emerged from the door. Kyungsoo had never seen his father walk with such timid steps. It was as if Kyungsoo was seeing himself on his father.

“I have to go home,” he said, carefully approaching his son.

Kyungsoo just nodded and looked down at his feet. “Thanks for driving me here, Dad.” He glanced through his growing fringes and realized his father wasn’t going anywhere. He stood there for a whole minute before taking the space beside Kyungsoo.

His son just stared at him in confusion.

“I’ve seen a lot of these accidents in my days,” his father started. “You’ll be surprised how a person can survive and live on as if nothing ever happened.”

“I was also infuriated when a tragedy like this happens. I blamed myself, mostly. And that can build a rift between you and your friends.”

“Junmyeon is not my friend.”

“You seem to care for the same person in that operating room.”

“You don’t understand.”

His father shrugged, awkwardly sitting at the edge of the wooden bench. “Maybe I don’t. But what I’m saying is that it’s unfair for you to lash out like that when you both clearly cared for the same person struggling to survive right now.”

“Why are you scolding me?” Kyungsoo said in between gritted teeth. “Shouldn’t you be on your way home now?”

Kyungsoo’s father sighed and shifted on his seat, watching the people around them. “I know I never really made it look like I care about you but I do. You have no idea how proud I am of who you’ve become. You’re everything I have always imagined you to be — a successful young man who can make his own rightful decisions.”

“You don’t know this but I’ve kept all your report cards from school. I have pictures of you wearing your medals from your graduations framed on my desk at work. Your talkative friend sent me a photo of the event at work — when you got promoted. You have no idea how proud I was to tell people that my son has come a long way at such a young age.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t even understand where his father was getting so he remained quiet on his seat.

“I know you’re very well capable of choosing the path you take and I am thankful you didn’t stray. I was honestly glad the moment you got in a good university and it broke my heart how hard you thought you had to work to get to where you are right now. It breaks my heart that you thought all we wanted for you, as your parents, is to be rich and powerful.”

“That’s not the case at all. We miss you every day, Kyungsoo. If it was up to your mother and me, we want you back home. You’ve proven yourself enough and I don’t want you to think there’s more to prove at all.”

Kyungsoo looked at his father who looked a lot more relaxed in his seat. It was a rare view he liked to observe.

“You have all the right in the world to choose who you want to be.”

His face shifted with a hint of shock and confusion in between. “Dad…”

“I have never seen you stand up for yourself to us. And, honestly, that’s a bit insulting for me. Did you think we were not good enough that it took you so long to tell us?”

“No, Dad…”

“I’m kidding,” his father said, but there wasn’t even the slightest hint of humor in his tone. “I know it’s hard for you and of course, it will be hard for me to get used to this. For your mother, too. But you have to know that we wouldn’t have this any other way. You’re our only son and all we care about is your happiness. It’s all that really matters.”

He tried to hold it in but Kyungsoo couldn’t keep the tears from coming. The sobbing, the attempt to catch his breath, and stopping his quivering lips didn’t come with ease. He ducked his head, hands balled to a fist over his thighs.

“I’ll bring food for lunch.” his father got up as he spoke. “For you, your talkative friend, and for the guy who isn’t your friend.” But before his father could take a step back, Kyungsoo threw his arms around his father, embracing him like he never did before.

“Thank you, Dad.”

His father just stood there and let his son stain his favorite shirt. A hand patting his back awkwardly yet gently. For a minute they stood there in the middle, his father awkwardly avoiding people’s gazes.

The only thing that pulled them apart was Baekhyun, standing by the glass doors. “Hey, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were bloodshot when he looked at Baekhyun.

“The operation is over.”

~~~

Jongin didn’t wake up after the operation. The next time they saw him, Jongin had a tube running into his mouth, another one to his chest, and a few wires connected from his torso to several beeping machines. They could barely see his face or his with a neck brace on and a bandage around his head. He had casts on his lower limbs and another on his right arm.

Kyungsoo stared at his figure, seemingly peaceful despite his condition. He liked it when Jongin got to have some rest. He always seemed so exhausted.

“You’re smiling,” Junmyeon spoked as he approached Kyungsoo, standing on the other side of the glass window that separated them from Jongin. Kyungsoo didn’t even notice it himself. “No, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I am glad he survived too and that he’s sleeping so peacefully right now. His bullheadedness does pay off, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Kyungsoo spoke, hand against the glass. “Junmyeon, I’m sorry for lashing out earlier. I was stressed out and I, apparently, don’t do well in situations like this.”

“It’s alright. I understand. It’s been hard on all of us. We just cope differently. Do you feel better though?” Junmyeon crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the window.

“A lot better, knowing that Jongin survived the most crucial hours. But I could be better once he wakes up.”

“Oh, he will wake up.” Junmyeon smiled. For the first time, he saw Junmyeon’s smile without the slightest notion of threat. “Just let him get some sleep now. He’s been sleepless putting up his own company. They don’t have other employees, you know? But he’s trying to steal mine.” Junmyeon laughed. “He already stole one of the best managers we have. Now he’s looking for the best secretaries.”

“I’m happy that you guys straightened out everything between you two.”

“It wasn’t easy, you know? When our father died, he was more determined to get me out of his life and that’s what I was most afraid of. I already lost my family once, I can’t lose another.” Junmyeon slipped his hand his pockets, shifting his weight back on the window. “I don’t think Jongin was ever mad at anyone. Not our father, or me. Most especially not you.”

“He was disappointed, of course. But more than anything, he was hurt. The most painful part is that the people who hurt him are the only people who can take all those pain away.”

“I don’t know how to make up to him for what I did.”

“You don’t need to. First of all, it’s not your fault. It was me. I meddled with something I shouldn’t have. Second of all, all Jongin wanted was to be with you again. You, staying here through all these, should be enough to make up for all the times you spent away from each other.”

Kyungsoo smiled. “I didn’t know you could be nice.”

“I’m Jongin’s favorite brother. Why do you think he likes me so much?”

“Correction: you’re his only brother.”

“Well, you’re right about that too.”

Kyungsoo laughed with Junmyeon and he never once imagined for that to happen. Even for the next few days, he never once imagined sharing boxed lunch with him. Even Baekhyun made Junmyeon laughed.

“If only Jongin could see,” Kyungsoo once said in the middle of a laugh.

Everything was almost perfect. There was only one thing missing — the most important part of the equation, Jongin. He had been asleep for 3 days and if he wouldn’t wake up before the end of the week, the doctor said they should prepare for the worst.

The third day passed by so quickly that Kyungsoo was still up when the fourth came. His head was starting to scatter all over the place, unable to respond quickly wondering if there was anything at all that he could do. But Junmyeon and Baekhyun told him over and over.

“There’s nothing we can do but wait.”

And he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t do anything for Jongin that could save his life. He couldn’t stand as the fourth day passed and the fifth day so swiftly slipped away as well.

On the sixth day, his father asked him to come home. “You need to get some rest.” He didn’t want to leave but seeing Junmyeon and Baekhyun on top of everything, he decided a trip home couldn’t hurt. Even if it was just for an hour or so. But even before he could step in his father’s car, he heard Baekhyun’s familiar call.

“Kyungsoo!” he screamed from across the parking lot. “Kyungsoo, come back!”

He sat there, unable to process what exactly was happening.

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun panted as he grabbed on to his best friend’s arm for support. “You need… to come back.”

“Is everything okay?”

Baekhyun grinned. “Jongin… awake…” He gasped for air. “God, why did I take the stairs!” That was when he ran across the parking lot without any word, running up the stairs to the fifth floor where the ICU was. And when he got there, Junmyeon just stared from outside the room. The closer he got, the harder his heart pumped. It felt like jumping out of his chest, ready to rip away. And just as he stood by the door, it slid open as doctors and nurses rolled him out.

Kyungsoo cried when his eyes met Jongin’s, following him as he was carefully taken off the facility to a room of his own. “You’re crazy,” he mumbled and he wished it was not an illusion but Jongin’s eyes arched a bit, as a faint smile stretched his chapped lips.

~~~

“Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo’s deep voice resounded in the empty apartment. He flicked the lights open and the place was as clean as it was when he left. But he was sure Baekhyun left the office first and said he was going straight home. So, he should be home. “Baekhyun, I brought you dinner.” He said thinking food could lure him out.

He heard Baekhyun’s door click as he prepared the take out pig’s feet, transferring it on a platter. “Hey, I brought you dinner. I figured you won’t have anything to eat.” Kyungsoo uncovered the sauce and set it right by the food. Kyungsoo then turned to face Baekhyun. “Come, let’s eat—”

But it wasn’t Baekhyun that he saw. It was Oh Sehun in pajamas, hair disheveled, rubbing his eyes with a wide smile on his face. “Pig’s feet! They go great with beer,” Sehun headed straight for the food, completely ignoring the stunned Kyungsoo standing right by the kitchen counter. “Do you guys have a can of beer or something?” Sehun peeked at the refrigerator and exclaimed soon as he saw 6 unopened cans of beer. “Oh, hey! I’ll just replace them the next time I come over.”

Kyungsoo didn’t even realize his mouth was ajar the whole time he watched Sehun navigate their kitchen.

“Hey, Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun tiptoed and Kyungsoo felt his neck creak as he turned towards his best friend, thankfully fully clothed. “I thought you were heading home for the weekend?”

“I…” Kyungsoo pointed at the platter on the counter. “I brought dinner. Am I dreaming?” Kyungsoo pinched himself and grimaced in pain.

“I didn’t know you’re going to stop by before heading home!”

“Byun Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo shouted, effectively startling Sehun who dropped his supposed first bite of pig’s feet. “What the hell are you doing? Sleeping with a client?!”

“You’re one to talk!” Baekhyun almost immediately retorted. “Isn’t this how you and Jongin started out?!”

“Yes! But that’s not the point! I still live here and we had an agreement! No hookups, right?”

“But he’s not a hookup!”

“We’re kind of dating,” Sehun mumbled on the side.

“I’m not talking to you!” Kyungsoo glared at Sehun who just gulped down half of his first beer can. “And what does he mean you’re dating?!” He asked, voice higher than normal, toward Baekhyun.

“Well, you left me once at the vineyard and he drove me home. It all just kind of started from there.” Baekhyun was fiddling on his shirt as he looked down. “Look, Kyungsoo, he only came over because we thought you’re heading straight to Goyang after work. I thought we had the house to ourselves.”

“So, you bring hookups when I’m not around.”

“I’m his boyfriend!” Sehun shouted. “Don’t call me a hookup! We’re getting pretty serious too.” His voice dwindled as Kyungsoo glared at him.

“Be careful what you say, Sehun,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “You just gave me permission to break your jaw if you ever hurt Baekhyun.”

“You love me!” Baekhyun jumped on Kyungsoo, wrapping his arms around him.

Kyungsoo glared at Sehun for a while, letting Baekhyun convince him with a point by point presentation of why Sehun was better than anyone else he’d ever dated. He named a few reasons like Sehun’s physique which he never really needed to know, and the fact that Kyungsoo knew him too, making it easier for him to beat Sehun up just in case he did something bad.

“Look, this conversation isn’t over,” Kyungsoo said, pulling away from Baekhyun’s embrace. “I’m going to go home for the weekend but I will be back on Monday. I’m going to see you either way. And when we do, I’m going to have to talk to you.”

Sehun almost choked on his food when Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow and he was just thankful when he turned around, heading for the door.

“I’ll see you Monday, Baekhyun,” he bid before heading out. They didn’t see it but Kyungsoo was smiling on his way to his car. Even on the drive to Goyang, the smile never left his eyes. He had never seen Baekhyun so happy and he just liked playing with them too. Not that he won’t do what he said. Oh, Kyungsoo could sack Sehun anytime he wanted to. 

It’s been two months since Kyungsoo had started coming home to his parents every weekend. It was their one and only wish. He had plenty of time to do so, too. His schedule still wasn’t that tight so he managed to drive back and forth easily on Fridays and Mondays. Whenever he came home, his parents would be preparing a feast. Only then he realized all his parents ever wanted was to have dinner with him again, as they used to when he still lived with them.

But that day, Kyungsoo was stunned right at the door when he arrived. In the living room, was his mother, watching her favorite drama, and right in the dining area, his father sat peeling potatoes. Across him was a man with his back turned, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Jongin?” he spoke soon as he stepped in the house and Jongin turned with bloodshot eyes with an onion on his hand.

“You’re home!”

“What are you doing here? When did you get here?”

“He’s been peeling onions all day.” Kyungsoo’s mother said, eyes still pinned on the TV. “I told them to get along well or the kimchi will taste awkward like them. So if this batch is bad, I’m going to make them eat it all.”

Kyungsoo laughed and headed for the dining area, sitting right by Jongin in the dining area. “Here, let me help.”

It had been a while since Jongin left the hospital. Every now and then, he would visit Jongin in their compound but there were times Junmyeon would drive Jongin to Kyungsoo’s home in Goyang in an effort to get close with his parents. It was, of course, not easy. But it was as if Jongin’s injuries made them act all warm and caring around him. Or maybe they just actually liked him.

After dinner, Jongin sat with Kyungsoo by the house’s porch. The rain was pouring hard but they were safe under the extended roof. They sat right on the porch with Jongin’s legs stretched out, the left one still on a cast.

“We’re removing the cast next week,” Jongin said as Kyungsoo sat across him, massaging his other leg. Kyungsoo liked to do that to help Jongin make walking as easy as possible. “I can’t wait.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“It’s on a weekday, Kyungsoo. I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

“I don’t mind.” Kyungsoo looked up at him with a smile. “Besides I’d do anything to get out of the apartment. Sehun has apparently been a constant there.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s seeing Baekhyun.”

Jongin’s jaw fell open. “What?”

“I know,” Kyungsoo sighed. “And Baekhyun says it’s because of me.”

Jongin chuckled and held Kyungsoo’s hand, stopping him from squeezing his legs. “Hey, I want to tell you something.”

Kyungsoo just looked up and he immediately saw the excitement in Jongin’s eyes.

“I visited the site with Sehun last week, didn’t I?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“When I got there, they prepared this huge feast for me. I was so happy and I thought I couldn’t get any happier. Until Old Man Lee approached me. He said someone has been calling the farm for the past weeks, asking for me.” Jongin smiled. “They said it was a woman and she always refused to leave a name.”

“Jongin…”

“I think it’s her, Kyungsoo. I think it’s my mom.”

“Jongin, that’s amazing!” Kyungsoo squeezed Jongin’s hands. “So, what’s the plan now?”

“Nothing, really. We’re just going to wait for her to call again and I told them to connect it to me immediately. I’m also planning to stay at the farm for a while. Just so I can personally be there if she decided to pay a visit.”

Kyungsoo cupped Jongin’s face whose smile stretched from ear to ear. “I’m going to bust out a bottle of wine my parents have been saving.”

“What? What for?”

“This deserves a celebration!” Kyungsoo said and before Jongin could even stop him, he already disappeared into the living room.

Jongin helplessly sat there at the porch waiting for him to come back. With a smile, he pulled out a small box from his pocket so when Kyungsoo returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses to drink from, the ring already reflected the weak light on the porch.

“What is this?”

“I’d have done it some other way, kneeling in the middle of the vineyard or during some fancy public event. But I know you better than that. You hate all of that.”

Kyungsoo slowly occupied his space across Jongin, putting down the bottle and glasses on the floor with shaky hands. “Kim Jongin…”

“I’ve lost you too many times. I don’t ever want to lose you again. So, what do you say we get married?” He lifted the ring to Kyungsoo’s sight, his wide smile turning to a shy, embarrassed laugh.

“God, Jongin, you’re an idiot. Did you really think I’d say no?” Kyungsoo tackled him down with a hug before letting Jongin put the ring on him. A silver band right around his ring finger felt just as absolute as everything else. The kiss on his lips he didn’t know he waited all week to get. Jongin’s hand on his. Everything ultimately fell right into place and it was all he ever needed.

“I love you, Do Kyungsoo,” Jongin mumbled as Kyungsoo laid on top of him, watching the rain crash before them. “I love you.”

Smiling as he listened to the calm beat in Jongin’s chest, Kyungsoo whispered. “I love you too, Kim Jongin. I absolutely do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the story, everyone! I hope you all liked it. I know I loved writing it! I was greatly inspired by stuff I've been through myself but I dedicate this story to my girlfriend. She's the first person to read each and all of my updates and goes crazy with brainstorming with me. She's perfect! Anyway, thanks again and... See you on my next KaiSoo fic?


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